Hello everyone! I'm struggling a bit here and just looking for some guidance. I'm sorry, this turned into a book... for the tl;dr, check the last paragraph
When I date vanilla guys, I very much suppress the clingy/needy/anxious part of myself that desperately wants to find her knight in shining armor. I don't text constantly, I give lots of space, and all that so that I don't scare him off.
I'm currently in the talking stages with a possible daddy, but we're long distance and haven't been able to meet yet. I very much agree with not establishing anything official until after we actually meet each other. But the dynamic is already coming out. I sink into little mode very easily with him and with my little mode comes feelings of emotional nakedness, vulnerability, and the clinginess and anxiety I normally suppress. He's been in a bit of a funk the past couple of days and my little side reads it with anxiety as incoming rejection.
Well last night, he called me - turns out he'd been sleeping since he got home from work and I was freaking out internally for no damn reason. But he was talking to me but doing other stuff too and I just felt myself getting really bratty needlessly for the first time and felt it wasn't fair to him, so I was going to put myself to bed early and just sleep it off. He was surprised I wanted to go to bed and I told him I felt bratty and he asked why... and it all just came out, my uncertainty and trying to sort through my feelings in this dynamic because it makes me so much more vulnerable than I'd normally allow myself to be, how his quietness the last few days triggered my anxiety even though I know it's not fair to ask him to be in regular contact when he's busy, and I know he's juggling a lot of stuff. Part of me feels better for letting the pressure valve off my feelings, because it was just building last night before his call. But now I'm also afraid he's going to think I'm too much work, that he doesn't have time for this, that he doesn't want to meet me after all because it's just impractical... all this stuff. Sigh.
Anyways. All that backstory to just ask... how do you date within this dynamic, without totally giving yourself over to the vulnerability and clinginess that can come with the little side? How do you allow for feelings to develop slowly and naturally like you would in the vanilla world, when your little side comes out constantly? I guess I'm asking... how do I rein it in? Or should I rein it in?
I'd like responses from littles about how they manage their feelings in the early stages with a new possible daddy without letting their little side's need for attention take over, and from caregivers about what they want from their littles, and is clingy/neediness ok for them in the early stages. Thank you.