Jump to content
DDlg Forum & Community Spring is Here !

Am I responsible enough?


Guest EmotionDuck

Recommended Posts

Guest EmotionDuck

Hi!

 

It stroke me right now that I might be evading the responsibilities of an adult. My partner confronted me that I don't face things when it comes to the paper work or banks or something similar to that, and just wait when it all will fade away or resolve itself. 

 

I do evade those duties, and in a way it started to grow on me to run away from the problems and/or responsibilities of an adult. I am used to the fact that usually my parents would take care of paper work and banking, or someone else would do that for me or help me a great deal with those.

 

But I also do fill some paper work by myself, look for things online to check the information or ask someone who will be taking my papers. Mostly I do not come close to the bureaucratic procedures because I am scared to make a mistake that would cause a lot of troubles to me and/or my family. And the fear of making a mistake sometimes retains me from doing it. Due to that, once I postponed a very important call to the immigration center for few months, which caused losing my visa (and as well my excuse for that was: "I don't speak well French"). 

 

My partner says he has to push me to do it, otherwise I wouldn't give a fuck about it, which is partially true. Inside I am stressing out about it and my thoughts are scattered, not knowing where to start, but on the outside I am careless and happy. 

I don't know how to deal with it.

 

I am trying to push myself to face problems, as 'answer that e-mail', 'make that call', 'text that person about it'. But sometimes I just wait and wait until that specific thing comes up and reminds me about it again. 

 

So... Am I responsible enough? Am I on the right track? 

Do you have any suggestions how to be more responsible and be better at adulting?

I don't want my partner to bare it all by himself. And want to feel a bit more independent and mature.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

what you are going through has nothing to do with you being a little. Lots of adults go through the same thing. My best advice to you is get a daily list of things that you need

to do and cross off each item as you get the task done. I feel when you see all the your list accomplished you will feel better about your self. It takes a lot of discipline to not be a

procrastinator. This will not happen over night. This is just one of the struggles you have. But I believe you can do this. You will need to train yourself to do it. I hope this helps.

Just take it one day at a time and one accomplishment at a time.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 My favorite question is "Q: How do you eat an elephant? A: One bite at a time."

Sometimes, we needed someone to hold our hand when we took our first steps, didn't we? And there is nothing wrong with that. This fact doesn't apply to just walking, but it can be to literally anything else in life. You can overcome this challenge and many others if you have proper reinforcement in the positive with some added encouragement and incentive in your life. I would assert that you have already begun taking the right steps forward, little one, by reaching out and asking for help when you need it. That's good adulting! Atta girl :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't believe that at the age of 22 you should be having to be poked and prodded to do things and get a atta girl every time you put your dishes in the sink, check on college assignments and deposit some of your paycheck into savings. Jugglers and singer's require applause. You're a woman and you should start acting like it and take bigger steps towards attaining independence.

 

Modern psychologists have created a word for people in your situation, the "adult child". My professor in my Freshman year of highschool gave a funny story about the term. He was in CVS picking up a gallon of milk and in the checkout a 30 something year old asked his mom to buy him a pack of menthol cigarettes, to which his mother replied "GET A JOB RICKY"

 

It's when you've reached legal adult age (18 or 21, depending on where you're from.) and still lack responsibility (Not doing basic adult tasks by yourself), self confidence (Keeping yourself from preforming job duties because you're afraid youll mess up. Which, by the way in the field of medicine if your teacher/boss/supervisor doesn't believe your ready they wouldn't give you the chance to do it. They used to throw patients at people and see how you do. The only issue is that was in the civil war, and that was almost 2 centuries ago,) etc etc. Usually they do things halfway, but lack the ability, drive or simply the attention span to complete basic adult tasks without supervision and/or motivation.

 

You're a product of your generation, embrace it but also take steps to fix those issues if you know you have them. Just like anxious people will try and spend more time in public and people struggling with math do practice problems on their own.

Edited by KingHarlus
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Believe me, you spend more emotional and mental energy avoiding these tasks than you would just taking care of them. Alaskan Daddy's suggestions are good ones. I would add that you need to make the thing you want to do least first on your list - everything else will seem easier afterward by way of comparison. If your partner or another friend is willing and you would find praise motivating, you might suggest that he or someone else you trust help you with your accountability goals by praising you for accomplishing your daily list of tasks. Eventually, you'll do it for your own sake, but that might give you the push you need to really begin.

 

Don't worry so much about making mistakes; most systems are made with the assumption that they will happen because everyone is imperfect, and thus are built to compensate.

 

Love,

 

Another Perfectionist-Procrastinator

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...