Met a girl next door online in a most unexpected place. Beautiful, sweet, brilliant. Never really considered keeping contact with anyone online, but I made an exception for her. We lived on opposite ends of the country and extenuating circumstances made it seem like physically meeting was pretty unlikely.
She isn't a real little, but loves daddy... which suited me perfectly because I'm not much of a dom but love being aggressive daddy and discovered care giving with her. Our kinks and attraction seemed to perfectly align, the chemistry between us was unbelievable. After a few weeks of talking every day, and living out some of our shared fantasies via video and writing pretty elaborate stories, I knew I had to come clean. I've got a wife and kid in the real world, but didn't really understand much about the entire situation between us other than I didn't want to let her go. She was understandably upset and sad, but didn't want to lose me either. I wasn't looking for any of this going into this "arrangement" we had seemed to enter, but it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders coming clean. In retrospect seems that it just shackled her.
Flash forward a couple months. We continue to get closer, talking every day and spending as much time as possible together online late at night. She tells me she loves me and it feels indescribable. We are so good together but I'm clearly a fraud if you look at my life in total. Things at home were pretty bad to begin with and are deteriorating, and I'm starving for an emotional connection I can't get at home, and she's everything I need. Looking back she was also going through a major transition in her life and was craving the emotional connection and security as much as I was.
After I came clean about my marriage occasionally she would slip in a story about a guy she liked, or someone she thought was cute... and it made my blood boil. On one hand she was doing exactly what a girl of her age should be doing. We clearly loved each other, but I wanted her to be happy and I didn't honestly think I could just uproot my entire life to figure things out with a woman half a nation, and a million life milestones away from me. Then the inevitable happened, she met a guy. She would occasionally talk to me about him and I would die a little each time because I could see the writing on the wall.
A couple days ago she let me go. She messaged me really late and told me he was asleep next to her, and this felt like a relationship between the two of them. It's been years since I've felt even remotely like this, but I'm completely shattered. To be clear I’m not upset that she may have hooked up with another guy, because by all reports he seems like a genuinely good kid. I’m so crushed because I can’t be there for her and give her what we both need. I’m terribly jealous of a kid I’ve never met, and angry at myself for putting myself in this position. So much for being a big tough guy being completely incapacitated by a little girl. I'm so lost and empty and I don't know how to recover. I've never been in a relationship where I was so out of control of my own emotions, and it scared me. It was so great when it was good, but crushed me so unexpectedly when it came to it's logical conclusion. I've never felt like this about anyone else, including my wife and none of it makes any sense.
Take aways for me? Don't be an idiot and explore relationships you aren't prepared for. Never love something that can't love you back.
Anyone feel the same? Anyone have any suggestions how to get over this? I can't exactly talk to just anyone about my feelings right now... and frankly I've never been much of a talker about this kind of thing. I just don't know where to turn too.
Edited by AnonDaddy, 11 September 2019 - 07:57 AM.