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    Some thoughts.


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    #1 CaveDaddy

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    Posted 06 October 2019 - 07:45 AM

    I'd like to begin by saying, these are just some of my thoughts/experiences regarding the time I've spent as a Daddy. I mean no offense to anyone, I'd just like to put to pen the things I've been pondering. Writing these things out may help me better understand myself/others. Feel free to reply, but it's not expected. Mostly just for me or future partners, so they'd have somewhere to see the things I have trouble saying aloud.

     

    I'd normally be very much opposed to the idea of voicing these things publically. If it were anyone else, I'd think them attention-grabbing. But, here goes. I'm going to list a lot of the "flaws" I've found within myself when it comes to dating. If any of these resonate with you, feel free to share how. I'm taking these from the words of previous partners. Reasons they've given for leaving/ending the relationship. 

    I'm not a needy guy, but I need to know that my little is okay. I don't need them to message me every moment of every day. If they're gonna be gone for 3 days with their family, that's fine. Just let me know beforehand. If you're heading into work for the next 12 hours, let me know. I lost both my parents before I was truly an adult and it left me with some separation anxiety. That one's caused some issues in the past. Littles that just stop replying for 12-16 hours. I don't freak out, I don't accuse them of doing things behind my back, but I do start to withdraw from them. I don't want to get attached to that sort of behavior. I know that it's really, really dumb. Losing my mom was the hardest thing and for whatever reason, my brain tells me that something bad happened to them because I'm unaware of where they are. 

     

    One of my littles ended our relationship because I wasn't "happy enough." I felt happy, I was happy, but I didn't outwardly display it. Someone at work described me as "calm, quiet, collected." That's me. I'm not the type to outwardly display my emotions, so even though I was very happy with her, she didn't want that sort of melancholy person near her. I get that it can come across as such, when someone never really displays happiness, but it really sucked. She was fantastic. I've worked on this one a bit. I smile more now, I joke more now, but it still sucked. 

     

    I get attached pretty quickly, despite my best efforts. Most of the littles I've engaged with, I've found many fascinating things within them. I want to see the good in them and I very much want to make someone happy and help them feel safe, so I convince myself they're only good. That being said, when that illusion is shattered for me, I start to become negative about the situation. I would assume this also links back to losing my parents. The need/want for a relationship to combat that lonely feeling. I don't really have anyone in my life, so a relationship could be a sort of crutch. I realize that's unhealthy, but admitting it means something, yeah? 

     

    I think, as best I can tell, I spent a large portion of my early years as a Daddy trying to replace my first little. She was the one to introduce me to it all. It wasn't a case of me becoming a Daddy, she met me and said that I already was. It was my natural state. I just didn't know it. We were together for about 14 months. We were engaged. It was my longest running Daddy/little relationship. The next was 8 months. I don't think I still am trying to replace her. I've dated people very far removed from her type. 

    In conclusion, I just want to be happy. This lifestyle makes me happy, when it works. When I can be myself and care for my little, I'm as satisfied as I could be. I'm not perfect. The list above is in now way comprehensive. I have more "flaws" than these. More than I could spend my entire day off typing. I don't obsess over these things. I don't let them control the way I approach things, but they are always in a small corner of my mind, reminding me how I've fucked up in the past. 

     

    I'll undoubtedly edit this a few dozen times. I needed to get the thoughts out so I can review them and see if I truly understand myself. Leave some feedback, if you wish. Be constructive if you do so, is all I ask. Negative feedback is welcome. It's about honesty. Dick-ish comment will not get a response from me. 


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    #2 ForeverFluffy

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    Posted 06 October 2019 - 06:14 PM

    I think the place you're in is very normal, mate. It's a journey of self-discovery, growth, and contentment in yourself. Don't think of these qualities as flaws. Think of them as areas you can grow in.
    I think that your desires are very normal. It's a human instinct to want companionship. Love, in any form, is inherent to who we are as humans. We care. We want to care, want to feel cared for. And that's okay. It's good to care. But it's also important to be content with yourself. Remember that you aren't defined by a role, a relationship, by the past. You make your own path. And there's only one you in the world. And that you deserves love. So show yourself the love you want. Treat yourself with kindness, just as you'd want someone to treat you.

    I wish you all the success in the world.
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    #3 Mysoulshadow

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    Posted 07 October 2019 - 02:28 PM

    It’s interesting to hear your thoughts and I’m glad you shared them. Don’t worry about seeming like you just want attention ! Sharing your thoughts can help people! I’m in the early stages of exploring this world and I thoroughly appreciated the things you put out there.
    Growing up with an emotionally detached mother and a father who stayed away most of the time, I can relate to your separation anxiety. I never quite put that in words as I struggle to figure out what I’m doing here.
    Good luck my friend and thank you!

    #4 VentralStriatum

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    Posted 08 October 2019 - 06:07 AM

    I realize that's unhealthy, but admitting it means something, yeah?

     

    It's a great first step, but you do need to follow it up with a second one to actively deal with it. You want to be able to be complete on your own when you need to be, so that you don't place pressure on your partner to behave a certain way. Getting attached quickly isn't a problem at all, most littles would likely find that endearing. The problem is when you put them on a pedestal without their own doing, then distancing yourself when they don't live up to it at some point. You're vulnerable to rose-tinted glasses initially because littles fill a deep need for you, and only when you grow accustomed to having that need filled do you look at them as people beyond someone who fills that need, which may then disappoint as you may not feel the same anymore.

     

    With regards to "not being happy enough", that's just a personality difference. There's nothing wrong with someone leaving a relationship because they don't have their needs met within one, but it doesn't always mean that you need to adjust yourself into being someone who isn't like that. I get into problems for being overexcited myself, but for a select few people that's exactly what they're looking for, and I can find happiness with them. 99.9% of the people out there aren't amazing matches for you, and it'd be hell if we'd need to adjust ourselves to everyone who isn't.


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    #5 CaveDaddy

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    Posted 10 October 2019 - 01:04 PM

    It's a great first step, but you do need to follow it up with a second one to actively deal with it. You want to be able to be complete on your own when you need to be, so that you don't place pressure on your partner to behave a certain way. Getting attached quickly isn't a problem at all, most littles would likely find that endearing. The problem is when you put them on a pedestal without their own doing, then distancing yourself when they don't live up to it at some point. You're vulnerable to rose-tinted glasses initially because littles fill a deep need for you, and only when you grow accustomed to having that need filled do you look at them as people beyond someone who fills that need, which may then disappoint as you may not feel the same anymore.

     

    With regards to "not being happy enough", that's just a personality difference. There's nothing wrong with someone leaving a relationship because they don't have their needs met within one, but it doesn't always mean that you need to adjust yourself into being someone who isn't like that. I get into problems for being overexcited myself, but for a select few people that's exactly what they're looking for, and I can find happiness with them. 99.9% of the people out there aren't amazing matches for you, and it'd be hell if we'd need to adjust ourselves to everyone who isn't.

    I don't know that I necessarily felt I needed to change these things to become an adequate partner, and I don't have any grudge/hard feelings for the girl that left due to my emotional display. She and I have reconnected recently. I just wanted to share these thoughts and maybe see if they're normal and/or if other people felt the need to analyze it as deeply as I do. I half suspect I'm just being too hard on myself. I'm not sure what being content with myself would even mean now. I've spent years pouring my energy into other people. I don't seem to possess the ability to withhold that energy for myself. Probably a self-worth thing. 






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