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    Punishment and discipline for long distance

    punishment long distance discipline

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    #1 A.Hamdy



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    Posted 07 November 2019 - 05:41 PM

    I am new to the whole ddlg thing and im trying it out with a female friend whos also interested in trying it out. we dont live together or even near each other, but we manage to meet like once a month, so its mostly an online thing.


    weve worked on rules and a schedule for her, but without me being frequently there with her its hard to enforce them, and she admits that not only is she not good with discipline, but also she struggles with the idea of being controlled due to past issues with her parents, but she does want to be controlled and disciplined because she feels it would be better for her.



    my question (as the title suggests) is this:

    what do u recommend i do to make her more disciplined and have her follow the system we put in place?
    also, what punishments would be effective to ensure she wouldnt keep on breaking the rules?

    weve considered writing lines, corner time and no electronics or internet for certain durations of time, but they dont seem very effective, and sometimes hard to enforce.

    #2 Guest_purpleroses06_*

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    Posted 07 November 2019 - 07:34 PM

    This is a big one... Sometimes, Caregivers will have to deal with a little not accepting punishment so here are some tips for responding to that:


    • Do not lose your cool! - Caregiver needs to demonstrate that they are in control of themselves even under pressure. DO NOT shout or swear at the little because you're giving them the reaction they want. Firmly make them understand that accepting the punishment is in their best interest and that further consequences will ensue if the little continues to disobey.
    • Be consistent and firm!
    • Apply the consqequences!
    • Start counting down from 10!

    Here are some of my own rules since im in a ldr relationship too!

    1)Making them write lines

    2)no treats for x amount of time

    3)time out

    4)being sent to bed early

    5)hand signals to kneel, sit, undress etc.practice every now and then. For punishment, do them over and over again. This is something done over webcam so it can be seen.

    6)A good telling off (scolding).

    7)Kneel on pencils or other rough objects during Skype.

    8)No YouTube and that kind of stuff.

    9)Stuffies put in stuffie jail.

    10)No sexy stuff over Skype

    I hope this helps you and good luck!!

    #3 Guest_Sunshinekitty_*

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    Posted 07 November 2019 - 07:44 PM

    Purplerose makes good points.


    My only contribution is--make her do all her punishments on cam. Then you can watch her follow through and talk to her through it. And then it might lead to other things...

    #4 MysticSand



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    Posted 07 November 2019 - 08:49 PM

    Hmm. So my Little and I have different forms of enforcement from the typical "Little" consequences. For his goal of eating veggies every day, if he skips a day then he has to look up a new vegetable. If he skips 2 veggie days in a row, then he has to actually go to the store and pick up and try the new vegetable. So, the consequences deal directly with what his goals (read: rules) are.

    “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” -Dr. Seuss

    #5 Cuddle_explosion



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    Posted 08 November 2019 - 03:42 AM

    I struggled with this as well. I’m bright and independent, super self sufficient and yet I wanted that structure more than anything.
    The hardest thing for me was feeling like it didn’t matter to my DD. I wanted the boundaries but if I could push them and not get caught it always disappointed me.
    Sort of made me feel like it didn’t matter to him as much as I needed it (you can tell I am very emotionally mature 😏).

    Purpleroses is 100% on consistency being key.
    And patient understanding. A calmly, benevolent yet disappointed DD is much more heart crushing than an angry one.
    If X = Y this time then X has to = Y every time.

    As far as ideas. It depends on where your/her preferences go, but if she is asking you to be stricter. you have to be prepared to follow through.
    In my case nothing deflated me more than flip flopping on rules.

    To share some from when I was in a LDR,

    No underwear changes for x days.

    Or he had favourite punishment underwear that he knew I hated (they didn’t make me nice, frumpy undies :( ).
    This is always easy to check throughout the day with quick sneaky pics in the bathroom.

    One I hated was having to write “bad girl” in big black permanent marker letters across my backside. It rubbed off on my sheets and chairs and ruined underpants.

    Any lastly, if there was a lesson that had to be learned? Listen. Share. No secrets.
    You know those fridge magnet letters? Or wooden puzzle letters? I would have to sit bare bum on the words while he talked to me on video.
    It would burn and be uncomfortable and the words would be imprinted for a full day after.

    There’s clearly a pattern here...and ours was a sexual relationship.

    For non sexual, secrets are a big one. I always found telling my secrets to be the most difficult and yet most rewarding experience of all.
    (Secrets = the scary thoughts, fears and wants you don’t share with anyone).
    every scary secret met with acceptance was a relief. And yet super hard to do. It might be a helpful early stages “punishment” to help build that trust and acceptance.

    Edited by Cuddle_explosion, 08 November 2019 - 03:48 AM.

    Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: punishment, long distance, discipline

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