I struggled with this as well. I’m bright and independent, super self sufficient and yet I wanted that structure more than anything.
The hardest thing for me was feeling like it didn’t matter to my DD. I wanted the boundaries but if I could push them and not get caught it always disappointed me.
Sort of made me feel like it didn’t matter to him as much as I needed it (you can tell I am very emotionally mature 😏).
Purpleroses is 100% on consistency being key.
And patient understanding. A calmly, benevolent yet disappointed DD is much more heart crushing than an angry one.
If X = Y this time then X has to = Y every time.
As far as ideas. It depends on where your/her preferences go, but if she is asking you to be stricter. you have to be prepared to follow through.
In my case nothing deflated me more than flip flopping on rules.
To share some from when I was in a LDR,
No underwear changes for x days.
Or he had favourite punishment underwear that he knew I hated (they didn’t make me nice, frumpy undies
This is always easy to check throughout the day with quick sneaky pics in the bathroom.
One I hated was having to write “bad girl” in big black permanent marker letters across my backside. It rubbed off on my sheets and chairs and ruined underpants.
Any lastly, if there was a lesson that had to be learned? Listen. Share. No secrets.
You know those fridge magnet letters? Or wooden puzzle letters? I would have to sit bare bum on the words while he talked to me on video.
It would burn and be uncomfortable and the words would be imprinted for a full day after.
There’s clearly a pattern here...and ours was a sexual relationship.
For non sexual, secrets are a big one. I always found telling my secrets to be the most difficult and yet most rewarding experience of all.
(Secrets = the scary thoughts, fears and wants you don’t share with anyone).
every scary secret met with acceptance was a relief. And yet super hard to do. It might be a helpful early stages “punishment” to help build that trust and acceptance.
Edited by Cuddle_explosion, 08 November 2019 - 03:48 AM.