Am I a little? Big confusion asking for help

[Helen]

Hello,

I’m a bit nervous to ask here because English is my 4th language & I’m overall just scared to seem like an intruder but my question is genuine & I don’t mean to intrude the ddlg community.

My problem is, that I wonder if I’m actually a little or if I just like to play cute.

I would like to describe my situation, which is going to be very personal, therefore I would like to put a trigger warning in beforehand, just to be on the safe side.

My parents have never been close to me, including my father. Basically, I got raised with no concept of love or affection & my family is more like a bunch of strangers to me, who offer me who are obligated to offer me a bed. Growing up I realized how much I crave physical affection (not sexual) & love in general (not necessarily romantic). The absence of a caring father figure in my life makes me wonder if I have daddy issues, since I feel attracted towards men who are in age range of 30-40. I’m overall a very smart, rational minded & mature person but somehow all of that confidence drops whenever I speak to an older, attractive man. Suddenly my voice gets high pitched, I don’t try to seem smart, I let myself be mentally guided by the authority of the counterpart & only have one thought in mind: be a good girl.

Now I have mentioned how I’m a very mature person, which already speaks against all of what I read what defines a Little. I read that Littles tend to get called immature by others & when they’re in headspace they actually enter another mental age.

That’s not my case. I don’t have childlike tendencies. I don’t stomp with my feet when I’m frustrated, I don’t throw tantrums, I don’t get called immature, my appearance isn’t childlike, I don’t roleplay, I don’t ageplay, I don’t do things that are only associated with children like talking to plushies, suck my thumb & overall anything that people who are not in this community would feel weirded out by, when practiced by an adult.

Seems like I’m completely wrong here, I know. But here is the other side:

I love feeling small & vulnerable & I’m only ready to step out of my maturity & allow myself to slip with a person of trust, which would be a possible daddy (who I never had). Sometimes I just wanna curl up to someone & being taken care of. I would love for someone to take away all of my responsibility & just let myself feel little. I don’t cry in front of anyone but I enjoy the idea of revealing my feelings to someone who would care for me if I felt vulnerable. I love Disney & cartoons, I would love to be princess, half of my wardrobe is in pastel pink, I love sweater paws because they make me feel cute, I like pretty plushies, I like everything that is pretty in my eyes, I love decorating my planner pages with cute stickers, I pout a lot, I talk cutely, people sometimes call me innocent & pure & overall I’m just very playful, silly & enjoy being just... cute.

I would like to have a caregiver who I can be 100% vulnerable & cute & almost childlike with. I would love to have someone in life who executes strength but doesn’t dismiss mine because I still am strong & I know that but I sometimes I just don’t want to be strong. Sometimes I just want a daddy to open jars for me or lift me when I can’t reach something. Overall, i just WANT to be little & being taken care of. The reason why I wonder if I’m a little is because I never experienced regression. Like I said, I know my mental age & I don’t want to be younger than that I just want to be able to feel small, vulnerable, little & needy. I want attention devoted to me & just want to be babied. That doesn’t mean that I would like to be ordered around. I don’t need a father figure, I need an emotional caregiver.. Seriously, I would be pissed if someone actually treated me like a child. My vulnerability doesn’t affect me enough to fail to see where the line between having innocent tendencies & acting like an actual child is. If me & a daddy got into a serious situation I’d 100% lay that innocence off & go back to being mature. I just crave attention, devotion & big arms to hold.

So I wonder, am I really a little if my „headspace“ only includes being vulnerable & not an actual age drop, or do I just enjoy being slightly more cute than my age allows?

To add is also that I’m bisexual & I’m 100% dominant & caring towards girls. My vulnerability & „littlespace“ only shows with men. I also enjoy being sexy & desirable for men. So that „littlespace“ is absolutely not to combine with sex for me, it’s 100% vulnerability.

 

What do y’all think? A little, or just someone with daddy issues who likes acting cutesy?

Asking for respectful responses.

 

x helen

[princess mae]

I think the biggest question I have is, "Do you *want* to be little?" There's not really a rulebook that defines who is little and who is not. Personally, it sounds to me like you might be a middle, which is older than a little. Also, being a little/middle in no way means you have to be ordered around, (example: my husband/caregiver pretty much monitors my sweets intake and makes sure I take my yucky vitamins but that's all. And that's only because I asked him to.) Maybe consider finding a caregiver or a "babysitter" or big sister or big brother who might be able to show you the ropes without any consquences.

[Cagi]

I actually am in a similar position. I don't really regress a lot or have the urge to play with stuffed animals (eventhough I have some and like to cuddle with them). I also don't have a certain age but if I had to guess it's between 3 and 8 years. 

 

However, in my opinion you are more like a middle, like princessmaebunny said, and not just someone with Daddy issues that likes to be and act cute. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but middles are more independent than Littles and are capable of doing things on their own. They also like to "drown" in their caregiver's affection and some of them act bratty or cute.

[Guest LittleBunBun84]

Hi Helen.  Welcome to the forum. 

 

It sounds like your childhood has been difficult due to poor parenting.  I'm sorry that's been your experience, I really am.  I had bad parents and I understand what an impact that can have on you as a person.

 

I think it would be safe to assume that you do have "daddy issues".  That's not uncommon thing.  It could well be that you crave attention from an older man because you want that feeling of safety and protection that you didn't receive as a child.  That's absolutely fine so long as you're aware of it and you don't put yourself in dangerous situations because of it - like allowing yourself to be vulnerable with an older man you just met or whatever.

 

But an attraction to older men isn't what makes a little.  A daddy can be older or younger than their little because it's not about age but the dynamic between the couple themselves.  The daddy is more dominent and the little is more submissive.

 

And being little, or littlespace, can't be defined by being immature, age regression or headspace because it's unique and different for everyone.  I've never been referred to as immature, I've never age regressed and I don't have a "headspace".  Throwing a tantrum is unthinkable to me.

 

At the end of the day it doesn't really matter because getting into ddlg is a choice to be made, not something you can't help or have no control over.  My advice would be to learn about ddlg and littles/middles.  Figure out if you want to persue it or not.

 

But, yes, I do think there are "daddy issues" there.  I saw that with no disrespect at all because I have "daddy issues" due to my childhood and only dealt with my issues through therapy.  I'm now happy in a very loving relationship. 

 

Feel free to message me if you'd like. 

[Guest ~GlitterUnicorn~]

Do you wanna be a little? If the answer is yes then boom you are

Little is something that is unique to each person

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

Helen,

 

Your whole post revolves around wanting to be a little/middle and needing to be cared for.

 

Since there's no one way to be little/middle, there's no way to do it wrong.

 

The only person who ever accused me of immaturity in my life was my mom.  I feel about 4-7 when I'm in that needy space, BUT. I'm extremely mature. I've got grown children. I'm 44. Everyone around me depends on me--and it's more likely in my life that I'm taking care of others than being taken care of. The only "tantrums" that I'm capable of is bursting into tears when I'm stressed out. And I nearly never cry. I sleep with stuffies, and yes, my speech drops to a more little voice when I'm in that space, but I don't participate in most of the 'normal' things I read that other littles sometimes do.

 

I'm absolutely a little.

 

And it sounds like you might be a switch--a Mommy/middle. But I wouldn't overthink your 'status.' Focus on the things you need and want and work out from there. And if you want a daddy--go for it. If it turns out to not fit quite right, at least you'll have explored that facet.

 

Again, there is NO way to do little/middle "right." There is only what is right for you. When you find a willing partner, make sure you negotiate your relationship, and most of all COMMUNICATE. Care givers aren't mind readers. They can only take care of you if they know what you need.

 

I hope this helps. And you're not an intruder. You're very welcome.