second (million) chances?

[KittyPrettyKitty]

Hiya...

My daddy and I have been in our dynamic for over a year. At first it was great, but more and more just went south. I try my absolute best to be a little, I really do. My daddy insists he wants to be my daddy and he says it makes him feel empty if he isn't. The thing is that he completely throws his role to s**t. Its been a year of second chances with him promising to be a better daddy. I've honestly been being more of a daddy than him. He's neglecting, inconsistent, and hurtful. But what's hard is that each time we quit, he begs to try again. He somehow always gets through my fear and distrust and I end up giving him everything again. I just don't understand how a little you say you want will give you the most innocent part of themselves, just yo get it stomped on and broken time after time. The part that makes it the hardest is the fact that when he is being good, its the best I could ask for. I guess thats why I come back even though I always know that I end up screwed and crying till I cant breathe. What do I do? How can I make it better?

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

It doesn't sound like you can make it better. It shouldn't all be on you either to fix it.. Relationships require work from both parties, if one is never holding up their end of the relationship, it's not going to work & the one doing all the work will just become more & more resentful (imo) to the point of no return.

[Guest PrincessBrookieSugarCookie]

I know how you feel. You trust someone and you keep giving them trust and they make you feel even safer to only hurt you again. My advice is if he keeps doing this, cut it off and wait for the right one.

 

I had to do that.

[Little kaiya]

It sounds like you two aren't compatible. Honestly, you need to take care if yourself, stop putting yourself at risk for something you know deep in your heart isn't working. If you keep going back to it then you close yourself from finding someone with whom you are compatible.

[Guest Mr. J]

First of all, "He's neglecting, inconsistent, and hurtful." really says it all. This isn't healthy and the fact that you've given him so many chances to make good on his word yet he keeps being like this means it's time to let him go. Actually, as someone who took a full two and a half years to finally leave a toxic person, I say let him fucking burn. His words and promises are obviously completely hollow and worthless. I know I sound harsh, but holy fuck he doesn't deserve anything you've done for him. "I'll do/be better" is just another way of saying "I'll say whatever lets me continue with you so I don't have to fake a good personality to find someone again". He won't change for you, he'll "change" after you leave so that someone else will be tricked into going through the same shit.

Will leaving hurt? Of course it will. Will you at some point be desperate enough to contact him again no matter how much you know it won't be worth it? Most likely, this is normal. Am I 100% speaking out of experience? Oh fuck yes I am.

Ultimately it is of course your choice and only yours, but take it from the therapist who gave me the last push to leave: it's not healthy and they're not gonna change. My inbox is open if you want to talk or if you want a more detailed explanation of what I went through and the aftermath of it. Best wishes!

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

First of all, "He's neglecting, inconsistent, and hurtful." really says it all. This isn't healthy and the fact that you've given him so many chances to make good on his word yet he keeps being like this means it's time to let him go. Actually, as someone who took a full two and a half years to finally leave a toxic person, I say let him fucking burn. His words and promises are obviously completely hollow and worthless. I know I sound harsh, but holy fuck he doesn't deserve anything you've done for him. "I'll do/be better" is just another way of saying "I'll say whatever lets me continue with you so I don't have to fake a good personality to find someone again". He won't change for you, he'll "change" after you leave so that someone else will be tricked into going through the same shit.

 

Will leaving hurt? Of course it will. Will you at some point be desperate enough to contact him again no matter how much you know it won't be worth it? Most likely, this is normal. Am I 100% speaking out of experience? Oh fuck yes I am.

 

Ultimately it is of course your choice and only yours, but take it from the therapist who gave me the last push to leave: it's not healthy and they're not gonna change. My inbox is open if you want to talk or if you want a more detailed explanation of what I went through and the aftermath of it. Best wishes!

This x100.

[KittyPrettyKitty]

"Baby of course I want to try again and I know I won’t let you down for the sheer fact that I can’t I know what I’ve done in the past is so fucked up that I don’t think you could ever forgive me completely for what I did but I’m asking you for this one time to truly believe me that I’m gonna be better for you and for myself I know that you’ve heard about a million times and I know I’ve made about a million mistakes I really do want to spend the rest my life with you and I really do want you to be my little because it honestly brings me the most joy I’ve ever felt in my life and I know that you’re scared of getting hurt again I know you’re scared of being let down but I can assure you that I’m going to take every step and every responsibility that I need to to be the best daddy in the world for you because not only are you the love of my life you’re the person I want to marry you the person I wanna spend the rest my life with I have a notebook that I’m gonna write all of the rules and everything that I need to follow to be good for you be good for myself I’m gonna start taking church very seriously and try to connect tomorrow is God just to get better in every way that I can I know you’ve probably heard everything that I’m saying right now 1 million times before but the difference is you’re completely fed up with everything at this point and I know for myself and for you I can’t mess up again because if I mess up again that’s gonna be the end of me being your daddy and you being my little and that something that I absolutely can’t stand so baby I know you’re scared I know that it’s taking a lot in you to give me this opportunity and to give me the chance to be better but I promise you that you won’t be let down I promise you that I’ll be the best daddy for you I’ll treat you like you’re my kid because you are my baby you’re my daughter you’re my love I want to give you I want to give you all the opportunities to be a kid that you didn’t get when you were growing up I want to make you feel safe and I want to make you feel like you’re allowed to submit to me without fear of something bad happening or me hurting you or letting you down again because I know that you were submitting new being little makes you feel so safe it makes you feel like you actually belong and you have someone to rely on and I am so sorry for ever taking that away from you because I love you I really do love you I love everything about you I love your aesthetic your mind your creativity your attitude you’re absolutely everything to me I couldn’t go a day on earth without seeing you I would lose my mind I’ll be going to throw ab5olutely everything out of the window if it might just be good to you again there’s so many things that I want to do for you and there’s so many things that I can do for you if I just put my mind to it baby I’m ready to put my mind to itI don’t care if this paragraph super long and you’re probably getting bored of it at this point maybe you’re not even reading this far but you know I don’t care I need to say this and you need to hear it I love you with every ounce of my body and I’m never gonna stop loving you no matter what happens I love you dummy head self I love your cute self I love your little self I love your attitude I don’t care if this paragraph super long and you’re probably getting bored of it at this point maybe you’re not even reading this far but you know I don’t care I need to say this and you need to hear it I love you with every ounce of my body and I’m never gonna stop loving you no matter what happens I love you dummy head self I love your cute self I love your little self I love your attitude riddled self I just love absolutely everything about you I don’t know how I could fill the rest of my life knowing that I hurt you so bad without fixing it I’m dedicated to making us better dedicated to being a better person for you and dedicated not being as an annoying or making you feel sad or make me feel anxious or scared or irritated or mad or like I don’t respect you in any kind of way because I respect you more than anyone I’ve ever met my life I respect you so much I respect what you’ve done for me and I respect what you do for everyone else because you’re the embodiment of peace and happiness and love and everything that is good on this earth i’m so glad that you’re in my life I just don’t think that I could Live with myself if I ever let you slip through my hands being such a talented artist and you can write songs and poetry and you just are so smart and beautiful and everyone pills in comparison to everything that you do so I know for a fact that I can be better for you because I Donely the best thing that’s ever happened in my life you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to this earth and that is a God honest truth everything about you is perfect and I love everything about you and that is why I’m going to be better for you and that is why I won’t let you down again baby you’re great you’re perfect I love you so much I know that being a daddy is the biggest responsibility ever and I know that being a little is one of the scariest responsibilities ever but I’m gonna treat you like you’re my kid gonna treat you like you should be treated like a princess like my queen like you’re the only person in my world because you are I know you’re probably getting to the end and you’re probably annoyed by how long it is but all the stuff is so necessary " and then he sends me things like this and its hard to decipher whether he's changing, bullshitting, or just a person who genuinely messes up, while I'm beginning to realize and accept we're most likely coming yo the death of our ddlg relationship, our relationship without ddlg is a lot better in the sense that its more independent and less work to maintain. So sorry if its confusing. Thank you sososo much for all of our advice. It means tons <3

[Little kaiya]

Sounds like egocentric manipulation honestly. If he really wanted to change then he would. Words are just words when there's no real effort behind them. In the end though it's your life, you need to decide if that's what you want for your life or not.

 

Personally, I'd be out the door. Life is too short for empty and meaningless promises that never come true. Good luck and hopefully you decide on something that brings you happiness to your life.

[Guest Mr. J]

Now, I know we're not allowed to trash religion on this forum..... but oh, it's a personal favorite of mine when they manage to slip in whatever deity they believe in into the whole thing to try to make it "super duper absolutely serious this time, I swear". And that's all I'll say about that because I'm not about to be banned for my views on religion (heeeeey mod(s)/admin(s), we good, right? )

I agree with Little kaiya, his text seems like it's just a rambling collection of manipulation extravaganza. What scares me more than anything though - if I understand this correctly - is that you're saying you'll still be with him, just not with a DDLG dynamic? I don't know about you, but to me it seems like that just leaves a giant hole in which to fall and land right back into the dynamic with this cycle of being happy and being absolutely shattered. I don't know what he's done that's so bad it leaves you unable to breathe, but that side of him won't go away just because he no longer has the dad title.

One thing I will say that many, myself included, tend to forget about in these cases is that you could try couples therapy if you haven't already. It can maybe be a good way to either let him show that he's serious or give you a clear sign once and for all that he's not. I know it sucks and hurts so bad to leave someone you love, especially when you share this wonderful dynamic with them, but if he doesn't actually change for the better then I see no reason to stay. With or without the dynamic, a bad person is still a bad person.