Transitioning from an online to a real life relationship.

[Barney048]

Okay, sooo ... This is a topic I'm making because it's something I feel strongly about. SO ... While some people here are looking for a purely online relationship, the majority would like to, sooner or later, take things to the real world. My intent for this topic is for people to do it sooner rather then later ... Why you ask? well simply because the person you meet online is not necessarily the person you get in real life. What I mean by this is that people have a tendency to create online personas of the people they would like to be which do not represent what they are really like. Now this is not necessarily done by intent , but rather something they do subconciously. And maybe the person is being genuine , but you have just pictured him/her way differently and what your dynamic would be like.

 

Why is this a problem? When you drag out an online relationship too much you get very emotionally invested, and when you finally meet in person and you realize that this is not what you signed up for, it is already too late, since the "contract" is already signed. Once you are emotionally invested you will most likely not back out even if you yourself know this is not what you want or need. So this will drag on for quiet a while , with at least one party being miserable throughout it.

 

My advice is that you take things to the real world ASAP. Ofcourse you have to do a thorough veting of the person first and all. Meet for coffee in a public place or something. Get a feel for the person rather than romanticize in your head what they are really like. 

I'm sure that some will argue that you can do that through video chatting , and well you can to some extent, but not really. 

 

Anyway, just some food for thought.

[SmolAetherr]

totally agree, you can never know a person until you see how their friends, family and community think of them

 

people put on many faces

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

Even dating someone you know in person...and then suddenly living together can be crazy!

[Guest frozenwolf]

I have been talking Mommy for a month. We have now decided to move to rl and I could not agree with you more. The problem with online only as you so aptly pointed out is we get a one sided version of who it is and not the real thing. You have to get the whole picture good and bad then make a serious decision if you want to continue.

[lilbabybee]

I first met my daddy irl but we live about 6 hours away so our relationship is mostly online for now besides seeing each other about once every two-ish months (he can't drive and I'm a full time student so it's hard for me to drive up). Even though we originally knew each other irl and we've been videochatting for hours every day for 18 months, every time we meet it's like seeing a completely different side of him. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing--I ache to be around him irl all the time and am actually moving near him in a few months--but the point is to put online relationships in perspective. If you've never met your partner and you never videochat, you only know one side of them. Be careful getting emotionally invested before you fully know who they are. Usually it turns out super well when long distance couples meet for the first time! Sometimes it doesn't, though.

 

Even if you can't meet your partner early in your online relationship, please videochat to get the best sense of who they are. You'll get to know their voice, their physical habits, their lovely face, and most of all whether or not you feel for them as a person vs just who they are over a messaging service. Save yourself the heartache <3

Edited January 23, 2020 by lilbabybee

[Guest Looby-Lou]

If people enjoy keeping to online interactions then all well and good.

And some people do this for ages and then meet IRL and get on fantastically. Or some people are shy and cope better initially with extended online communication.

 

That doesn't appeal to me - it's too easy to build up a fictional relationship that won't work in real life.  I agree with the others it's best to meet up in the early stages.

For me it's the best way to establish if the chemistry is there, get a more accurate idea of who someone is and how comfortably you interact together. 

 

I enjoy the online connection of video calls, messages etc. within a full relationship.

For me it's a deal-breaker - we have to meet, in person and the sooner the better. I've literally travelled to another country to do this.

 

Looby 

Edited January 23, 2020 by Looby-Lou

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

I disagree to a large extent, my babygirl and I were in long distance relationship for over 2 years before we ended up living together. I think every relationship is different and there is no need to rush into a relationship until both parties are ready for it. Just my humble opinion.