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    Too sick to date? And still kind of wanting to?

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    #1 Yali

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    Posted 13 February 2020 - 02:12 PM

    I have a problem. I am kind of lonely, and might like to find a Daddy, Mommy or Caregiver. But at the same time the thought scares me a lot and makes me anxious. I have no real life dating experience, I’ve only talked with some people online and kind of dated a bit that way, in a not intimate, not kinky way. I have Asperger traits, but not diagnosis because I was too normal as a small child and I’m not as ”different” as Aspies usually are. But still, I have social troubles like difficulties with recognizing/remembering people, faces and names, and I often forget to look people in the eye. I don’t know how to be with humans, I don’t find anything to say or I say something embarrassing by accident. Sometimes I say what I think without considering whether it’s wise or not, but I’ve gotten a lot better at censoring during the years. But in general, I feel a bit awkward with people.

    I have mental illnesses too, and at the moment I live in supported/service housing. I have an own, kind of supported flat, but I eat in a nearby service housing and go to groups in there. I’m not dangerous to others, or really seriously ill like being totally psychotic and in my own worlds or something like that. I’m mildly bipolar(nowadays mainly just depression phases), have a bit OCD and struggle with an eating disorder. I take care of my things mostly independently(I can pay my bills and deal with money, I can clean the flat when a nurse is just watching from my couch, I can stick to daily routine, I care about hygiene etc, I can fill my dosett with meds and go to buy more when needed, I can do my little jobs in the service housing(kitchen stuff mostly). The biggest problem is that I can’t eat properly, I eat almost nothing or scarily huge amounts. My weight can be anything between 37 and 94 kilos, it varies a lot really. Without my eating issue I think I could live independently. I’m working on the problems, but I don’t know if I will ever be completely healthy. 

    I just wonder, can any Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver take a Little/AB like me as their partner? Would it be too difficult and tiring to them? I would of course try to stay positive with them, and discuss my problems mostly with professionals. But I’m sure I can’t always be the happy Little most Bigs seem to want.

    Should I wait until(if that ever happens) I live independently before trying to find a partner? Or would it be okay to try already? Does dating usually help or worsen mental problems? Is it possible that I without noticing ”poison” my partner with my illnesses and make them sick too? I’m really anxious about this, I’m anxious because I’m kind of lonely but also the thought of dating makes me anxious so I have no idea what to do! My situation might never get much better, so if I’m too sick to be in a relationship now I might never be ”suitable”. But on the other hand, might be that after a year or two I’ll live on my own and be somewhat healthy and ”normal”. I just don’t know what will happen and if I should do something already, and it’s awful. I just worry and wonder and ponder and daydream and worry some more in a vicious cycle.


    Edited by Yali, 14 February 2020 - 10:41 AM.


    #2 RavenclawPrincess

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    Posted 13 February 2020 - 02:23 PM

    First of all, it's super important to work on yourself and it sounds like you're trying your best to do that, so kudos to you!

     

    Personally, I don't see any harm in trying to meet new people. Every relationship should start out as friends anyway and grow into something more naturally anyway, in my opinion. You might not be ready for a full blown relationship just yet, but you can certainly make efforts to bond with people on a platonic level and see if anything happens from there in due time. Romantic relationships are great, but friends are just as valuable, so try for making friends first! As long as you're honest about the problems you are working through with any prospective partners when you do find someone that might be compatible as more than a friend, they'll have full disclosure and would be able to speak for themselves on whether or not entering a relationship/partnership is something that they could handle and be happy doing. 


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    #3 EvieTheOne

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    Posted 13 February 2020 - 02:42 PM

    Bless you! ❤️❤️❤️ Of course you are worthy and fine, and even ready for a relationship, and it won't be a secret what I'm going to say: love and relationships are not reserved to a standard of expectations set by others, oh no, everybody can and is well equipped to love and receive it as well, if it's truly love that we're talking about!
    Attractiveness, be that physical or otherwise, is in the eyes of the beholder, and this is true!
    Your needs are valid, and will be not only tolerated but embraced by a partner that loves you, the person, not your kink.
    You are not your kink, and I love what a thorough presentation you gave about yourself, and your honesty as well, so, subject to you opening up like this, and starting to believe that it will happen to you as well, you're setting yourself up to meeting your future mummy/daddy or maybe both! Trust that all of us are struggling with illnesses, doubts, imperfections galore, so you're not alone, but you are outstanding in your approach to that which is!
    Love and hug yourself fiercely, because it all starts with that, with how you describe yourself, how you believe that you're good, worthy important, be mindful how you talk to yourself, then watch love flood in from others as well.
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    #4 Rob/Meh

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    Posted 13 February 2020 - 05:44 PM

    Hello! First of all I would like to say, that a person that can talk about themself this open and well, it's worthy of and deserve everything they want. 

     

    I will stick to what RavenclawPrincess and EveTheOne said above. You are worth of love and looking for a daddy/mommy or friends or whatever you want, because everyone deserves to be loved and be cared of. Without that, and wanting it, only will get us worse.

     

    Also, it talks really well about you that you want to get better and healthier, shows that you have a really strong will and bravery, and that is something not everyone able to do. 

     

    A lot of CGs moomys/daddies don't have a problem with littles having their own things, it's something we all know and have, everyone, no one is perfect ( I don't belive in perfection, I think there is always room for improvement!) and the fact that you awknowledge all of this, and try to get better, talks a lot about you and how amazing you must be as a person!

     

    So don't give up, I'm sure there is someone out there waiting for you, ready to accept you as how you are, and helping you with what YOU want to improve, not what THEY want from you to improve, and this is really important. Try to never think less of yourself, always be proud of who you are, no matter the circumstances, and that confidence and love to yourself you will show, will attract the right person by your side!

     

    And if you are in need of someone to talk to, and vent, or just chat, I'm always happy to make new friends, so don't worry if you will bother me with this or that, because you won't! So feel free to add me as a friend if you want  :)

     

    Hope you had a nice day! And everyone that is reading this  ;)


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    #5 RavenclawPrincess

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    Posted 13 February 2020 - 06:56 PM

    Well said, Rob!



    #6 Pinku

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    Posted 14 February 2020 - 12:28 PM

    I have been searching daddy a long time and maybe five daddy kinds of person have said that I am too sick. And I know that I have quite unique situation. 

     

    I know I have Aspergers and severe sensory hypersensitivity. But somehow I think those are things belongs to my personality. I thought that it's better to tell all my disabilities/syndromes/illnesses later, when we know each other better, but in the end other hand it's better to tell before we know each other. I'll try my best to tell everything good about me and some not so good qualities of me. :D I tell lot of other things about me before I tell them how sick I am.

     

    Because I am/have Asperger, brain injury, severe type 1 diabetes (my diabetes is very unique, one of the million is this kind), ADD, hypothyroidism, asthma, arthritis, crps, cluster headache, Hemiplegic migraine, ordinary migraine, endometriosis, mononeuropathy, gastroparesis, ibs, tons of allergies, heart issues, several neuropathies, psoriasis, trigeminal neuralgia and so on. I count that over 35 diagnosis.

     

    I know those all affects in my daily life so much, that daddy who spends time with me needs to accept all symptoms (like vomiting while pain attack, that I can't be around loud noise and bright lights and I need my routines to be able to function) and needs to understand that I feel one of the most hardest pain in the world at my face/cheek. And my diabetes affects in every aspect in my life, for example eating, and going out, that I need one backpack full of diabetes stuff with me when I go outside and diapers need to be changed every hour when I'm high. Oh and when I say I'm high that means I have hyperglycemia. :D

     

     

    I mostly take care of myself and I get help with my medications. I have personal assistant and caregiver, so I'll try my best to tell those new persons in my life, that they don't need to treat me as in hospital.

     

    All decisions with diabetes I do by myself. Of course daddy needs to listen and realize that there are situsituations when I can die. And sometimes even daily. I have severe hypoglycemias and my heart can stop beating. He needs to know how to use my first aid medications. 

     

    If there is daddy/mommy who is made for you, he/she doesn't care what illnesses you have. Those right ones just see you as a person and accept all conditions you have. But first you have to accept yourself all your health issues.  

     

    It is important that they see your true personality and qualities first and then those illnesses what just are part of you. 

     

    And of course I'll try to explain why I act the way i act, but I don't use Asperger or brain injury excuse for my "bad behavior". 

     

    And I try to accept the fact that not all people can handle all these health problems and they might be scared. It's not my fault or their fault. It's just thing. 

     

    Try to stay positive. :)


    Edited by Pinku, 14 February 2020 - 02:57 PM.

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    #7 Bubbles_and_Feathers

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    Posted 16 February 2020 - 10:30 AM

    I just wanted to mention that I am mentally ill, with several disorders that make it difficult to function in life and be emotionally intimate with my partner, yet I still have an amazing girlfriend who loves me and supports me and takes care of me. There are definitely people out there who are capable of and more than willing to go through the daily battle of loving someone with mentall illness.

    Edit: That's not to say that mentally ill people are especially difficult to love, just that we struggle with things like everyone does, and some people are more able to handle different kinds of challenges in a relationship.

    Edited by Bubbles_and_Feathers, 16 February 2020 - 11:21 AM.


    #8 chateautal

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    Posted 16 February 2020 - 11:03 AM

    I think everyone should be entitled to pursue love and happiness - and the danger of waiting for the perfect time is, really, no time is perfect for anyone, ever.

     

    The fact that you're thinking carefully about what this would mean for you and for your partner is a good sign of (ironically!) the maturity required to pursue a successful dd/lg relationship. In particular, it's great that you recognise that a CG is not a replacement for the actual professionals in your life helping you manage your health and well-being. I think being upfront about your problems with any would-be CG is important. I think this would make it more challenging for most, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't still be worth their while to pursue (and anyone who doesn't accept you as you are, flaws and all, is not worth your time in any case!)







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