I have a problem. I am kind of lonely, and might like to find a Daddy, Mommy or Caregiver. But at the same time the thought scares me a lot and makes me anxious. I have no real life dating experience, I’ve only talked with some people online and kind of dated a bit that way, in a not intimate, not kinky way. I have Asperger traits, but not diagnosis because I was too normal as a small child and I’m not as ”different” as Aspies usually are. But still, I have social troubles like difficulties with recognizing/remembering people, faces and names, and I often forget to look people in the eye. I don’t know how to be with humans, I don’t find anything to say or I say something embarrassing by accident. Sometimes I say what I think without considering whether it’s wise or not, but I’ve gotten a lot better at censoring during the years. But in general, I feel a bit awkward with people.
I have mental illnesses too, and at the moment I live in supported/service housing. I have an own, kind of supported flat, but I eat in a nearby service housing and go to groups in there. I’m not dangerous to others, or really seriously ill like being totally psychotic and in my own worlds or something like that. I’m mildly bipolar(nowadays mainly just depression phases), have a bit OCD and struggle with an eating disorder. I take care of my things mostly independently(I can pay my bills and deal with money, I can clean the flat when a nurse is just watching from my couch, I can stick to daily routine, I care about hygiene etc, I can fill my dosett with meds and go to buy more when needed, I can do my little jobs in the service housing(kitchen stuff mostly). The biggest problem is that I can’t eat properly, I eat almost nothing or scarily huge amounts. My weight can be anything between 37 and 94 kilos, it varies a lot really. Without my eating issue I think I could live independently. I’m working on the problems, but I don’t know if I will ever be completely healthy.
I just wonder, can any Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver take a Little/AB like me as their partner? Would it be too difficult and tiring to them? I would of course try to stay positive with them, and discuss my problems mostly with professionals. But I’m sure I can’t always be the happy Little most Bigs seem to want.
Should I wait until(if that ever happens) I live independently before trying to find a partner? Or would it be okay to try already? Does dating usually help or worsen mental problems? Is it possible that I without noticing ”poison” my partner with my illnesses and make them sick too? I’m really anxious about this, I’m anxious because I’m kind of lonely but also the thought of dating makes me anxious so I have no idea what to do! My situation might never get much better, so if I’m too sick to be in a relationship now I might never be ”suitable”. But on the other hand, might be that after a year or two I’ll live on my own and be somewhat healthy and ”normal”. I just don’t know what will happen and if I should do something already, and it’s awful. I just worry and wonder and ponder and daydream and worry some more in a vicious cycle.
Edited by Yali, 14 February 2020 - 10:41 AM.