CG having a question

[YoongiLover]

I’ve been a caregiver for a while now but I’m not really caregiver. It’s weird. I’m a caregiver to this cute boy but he never really slips. I love taking care of Littles but he’s never in little space. I think I’ve only seen him in little space two times for almost a year now. I’ve been a caregiver to another little before and she would always be slipping so I always got to see her in little space and take care of her and I sort of miss that, having that feeling of feeling needed and being called mama but for him he’s always in big space and doesn’t really need me that much, I don’t really know what to do..

[_panda_pwincess]

maybe chu can ask why he doesn't slip and if he maybe needs help? a lot of us have trouble sometimes slipping into Little Space, i did for awhile and still do to a degree. if it turns out that he just doesn't do it and you aren't completely happy, maybe chu should consider moving on?  

[Pink Plushie]

You should talk to him about it and tell him how you're feeling. If you're not getting anything out of the relationship as a caregiver, then it's not worth staying.

[Alaskan Daddy]

Hi

As a caregiver whenever I need my little to share some important I always ask a very direct question ask my little to be selfish and honest with her answer. 

Also as a caregiver I want to feel like I am making a difference in the life of my little. Being a little sometimes has nothing to do with little space, it may only be needing a caregiver that gives them love, understanding and a safe place for their heart. 

If it was me I would ask this question: 'how do I make a difference in your life?' 'Please give me an honest selfish answer'. 'It is important that I know for my own peace of mind'. Remember that the feelings of a caregiver matter also.

I hope this helps.

[baby_k]

I really like @Alaskan Daddy's advice.

 

At least for me it is not some "little space fun" when I would really value a caregiver but when I'm overly stressed, having some dead end feeling about work, some meltdown because of my life or other "adult" stuff. That is when having shoulder to cry on or someone who listens, gives new perspective and good advice is most valued. And in those situations I could even say that I need them. Otherwise it is not needing, it is just having fun time ( which is great too ).

 

Or if the little really needs you, imo there is a bigBIG problem in them and their life which should be fixed asap. People like feeling needed but in reality that is unhealthy, and one should be wanted instead.

 

You maybe should consider what you really feel like lacking.

 

Is it feeling of being useful or making that difference to the other person? ( And think how that really is gained. )

Is it having the fun playful part of ddlg or what some call little space? ( Some have either kink or other reason to like that, it is perfectly fine. Just like other people have other dear hobbies. )

Is it really that you want them to rely totally on you? In this case I would start discovery about yourself and why you have that need as it can lead into unhealthy stuff for it means there might be a hole in you which you try to fill with other people even that really will never work out that well. ( I actually don't believe this is the case as you have been with this little for long and only now it seems to really bother you, so you seem in that way rather balanced as a person ).

[Nymph]

As a middle I've had this "complaint" before, guys who are used to littles who regress a lot or some that are more used to roleplaying. I might be a little but I am pretty independent, strong even on some stuff I suppose.

 

So perhaps you guys are just a bad match (assuming he is being himself and it bothers you) or maybe it's just something new to you and need to realize nothing is wrong and he is a middle... of course there is also the chance this might be some person using the little tag to get away with being lazy/irresponsible. It can be many things and we don't have much context!

 

I do know that you shouldn't be comparing your previous relationships, everyone is different. Make sure you are not still attached to your little-ex, also consider you may be attracted to littles with more of a "needy" personality than your current one or maybe just more girly ones?

 

When I was dating, I remember getting to know very nice people that as nice and attractive and "compatible" they were (I say it in quotes because if there is no chemistry then you are not really compatible) did not inspire the little in me. One was so nice that I pushed myself a bit trying to find a connection but then he got impatient with me not slipping into little space that I started to feel pressured... hence less chances of seeing him as a daddy so I finally gave up on him.

 

Definitely have a serious talk about his needs and also consider and share yours, being a caregiver doesn't mean doing all the work, it's still a relationship like any other.

[YoongiLover]

I asked him what was wrong and he said he slips when he’s mostly stressed so I felt bad because I didn’t want him to be stressed just because so I would see little him, but then he said that he has been really stressed lately and he just does stuff to distract himself and that made me feel really sad and it started my question of “am I really such a bad caregiver that he would rather do other stuff to distract himself of the stress than to come to me and let me help him?”

 

Sorry I’m replying on my own question, I don’t really know to reply to others comments.

[MysticSand]

I asked him what was wrong and he said he slips when he’s mostly stressed so I felt bad because I didn’t want him to be stressed just because so I would see little him, but then he said that he has been really stressed lately and he just does stuff to distract himself and that made me feel really sad and it started my question of “am I really such a bad caregiver that he would rather do other stuff to distract himself of the stress than to come to me and let me help him?”

 

Sorry I’m replying on my own question, I don’t really know to reply to others comments.

I don't think it's a question of whether you're a bad CG or not. I think the matter at hand is how he deals and copes with stress. Distracting himself is a way to distance himself from the stress, whereas going to you as his CG would be him accepting it and trying to deal with it.

 

Think of stress as something that the longer he avoids, the longer he doesn't have to deal with it. It's not you he's avoiding, it's having to confront and work through his stress.