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    Split into *trigger warning*


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    #1 ~lele~

    ~lele~

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    Posted 21 May 2020 - 07:50 AM

    Trigger warning.

    As a little I was always both little and big simultaneously, I didn't really regress, my little side was just there.

    In 2018, I was assaulted. I had been with my Daddy 2 years at the time and it would help ya'll to know he was not the person who did it. Right after the occurrence I was "taken over" by who I call little me. I wasn't in control of the conversation but she (which is the only way I know to refer to this side of me) told my Daddy that she no longer trusted me and hated me. I haven't felt little since. It was like that part of me was just gone.

    Daddy and I have been together over 4 years (we've had break ups and such during this time). Recently we reconnected in ways we hadn't felt connected in a long time and yesterday "little me" showed up. I felt it coming on then boom, it was like bif me didn't exist and she was talking to Daddy and asking him if she could trust me now because she'd felt something shift with us.

    He handled things well and comforted her then when she subsided he made sure I didn't have an anxiety attack from the whole thing.

    My question.... am I crazy? Lol. My little side has become more of a split personality and that scares me to death. I want to be able to be little but not at the risk of my sanity.
    Have any of you ever experienced anything like this?

    ~lele~

    "These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they myst rise and fall. This is the words of devotion. I see the torch we all must hold. This is the mystery of the quotient-upon us all a little rain must fall." - Led Zeppelin, The Rain Song


    #2 SparklesLove

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    Posted 21 May 2020 - 09:35 AM

    Lele.....i have been through a lotta trauma in my own life and have serious issues with having touch me. Thats big me. Little me likes to hug people and Im okay. I kinda think our little side is the part of us that sees the beauty and good in the world. Our big sides have learned to protect ourselves be jaded. Theres nothing wrong with us at all.
     
    Im super happy for you that you trusted your daddy enough to feel comfy enough to show him your little side.
     
    This is a quote that has helped me a lot.
    "Youre not a bad person. Youre a very good person. Besides, we've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." -Sirius Black

     

    The way I see it our dark side is our big side thats been hurt and has a jaded view and has to prltect oursleves. Our light side is our little side. We let selct few see this side and the ones we do are special to us. Theres nothing wrong with us. Life has dictated this for all of us.


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    #3 beanbean

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    Posted 21 May 2020 - 11:30 AM

    sounds like you needed time to trust anything again ,and now you can trust certain things and people again


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    #4 Aetherr

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    Posted 21 May 2020 - 01:26 PM

    i mean the fact that you are capable of asking that question tells me no, but i wont attempt to be an armchair psychologist and tell you but from what little i know of split personalities the come out based on triggers and usually its described as a spotlight and diferent facets of you step in and out and the one in the light is the one in control so if you feel like that sounds like you then i would suggest talking to a professional since split personality disorder can be distressing and not you know a great thing to have untreated, thats the best i can do, im not anywhere close to knowledgeable on it


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    #5 little*luck*

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    Posted 21 May 2020 - 03:05 PM

    "Youre not a bad person. Youre a very good person. Besides, we've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." -Sirius Black
     
    Sparkles, you said it perfectly.

    Little wolf, you are human and there is nothing wrong with the way you feel right now. Remember this when ever you have that fear: "you are a strong resilient spirit gracing this world with her light and strength, that does not let the darkness of monsters steal her light."

    Best wishes!
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    #6 baby_k

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    Posted 21 May 2020 - 03:07 PM

    Crazy? We are all crazy here :rolleyes:

     

    Sure, probably best to talk to a professional but I don't think that is super horribly serious nor that you are going crazy. Just one way of seeing yourself and coping.

     

    I once had similar feeling of like having some split personality as I seemed to have different sides ( just like you: little me, and then the big me. But also the calculative serious me and then playful romantic me ). And specially some nasty situations made me more be like little who was able to say things that hurt me directly without filters that would have prevented big me to say or admit same stuff.

     

    I think it is just how one wants to describe things. I can describe that with terms that fit to split personality, or I can accept that I have different sides to myself. I also believe that all people have this child-like part in them which is the vulnerable part of the person - the more innocent part. For me it helps me to talk to this more vulnerable side of me as that more easily admits hurt and my real emotions without filters ( such as "am I allowed to feel/think this way" ).

     

    Not sure why I struggled so much with having these different sides to me. Now it just seems like norm that of course I have them, just like everyone else. But I had similar feeling like am I going crazy as feels like there is the little me and big me who seemed like two different people ( later I realised that they really weren't..... ) and that I was almost like possessed. For me meaningful was to accept myself as I was, all the sides, all craziness, all weirdness. Embrace the little part of me, seeing it as my vulnerable but also more innocent part. It was super scary also at first because I was thinking that maybe I'm going crazy, maybe it is bad for my mental sanity to accept and even encourage the little part in me ( by letting it "out" and talking with it ).

     

    I would say it was my way to have the inner speech with myself, to be able to talk of some stuff, admit things I didn't want to admit. Way to be kinder towards myself as if you talk to the child-part of yourself, you try to talk in nice way, just like you would talk to kids -and also way to express very normal human emotions that sometimes are not accepted as good things to have ( such as jeaousy, anger, disapointment over random stuff). And that is way everybody should talk to themselves: with compassion, understanding and even forgiveness.

     

    ( Feel free to message me if you want even not sure if i can help you much with this. Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone with this, and I feel I get what you mean even I admit that my description of how it feels seems bit...empty as I try to describe how I see it now and not when I was panicking. Even I guess I'm still in proces to really figure this out :p )

     

    Edit: fixed sentences....


    Edited by baby_k, 21 May 2020 - 03:12 PM.

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    #7 ~lele~

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    Posted 21 May 2020 - 08:11 PM

    So much to read that has been so helpful. Thank you all so much.

    ~lele~

    "These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they myst rise and fall. This is the words of devotion. I see the torch we all must hold. This is the mystery of the quotient-upon us all a little rain must fall." - Led Zeppelin, The Rain Song


    #8 sanwiooaf

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    Posted 22 May 2020 - 05:43 AM

    Your absolute best bet is to see a psychologist. Yes, we all have our little sides, but I've not personally heard of anyone who's little side has actually taken over to the point where 'you' don't have control over your own body. To me personally, that sounds like symptoms of a dissociative disorder. Of course, I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a psychologist but after researching a lot of dissociative disorders when I studied psychology a few years ago, it sounds like you may be bordering on fitting in to one. It would be best to go and see a professional. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something, so it's best to talk to someone. I'm also like you where I'm big and small at the same time everyday but I can regress even younger. If you've experienced trauma, this is usually when dissociative disorders come to light, as in the case of DID and severe constant childhood trauma.

     

    I wish you the best on whatever you wish to do :3


    Edited by sanwiooaf, 22 May 2020 - 05:48 AM.

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    #9 junebug0325

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    Posted 22 May 2020 - 08:50 PM

    Your absolute best bet is to see a psychologist. Yes, we all have our little sides, but I've not personally heard of anyone who's little side has actually taken over to the point where 'you' don't have control over your own body. To me personally, that sounds like symptoms of a dissociative disorder. Of course, I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a psychologist but after researching a lot of dissociative disorders when I studied psychology a few years ago, it sounds like you may be bordering on fitting in to one. It would be best to go and see a professional. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something, so it's best to talk to someone. I'm also like you where I'm big and small at the same time everyday but I can regress even younger. If you've experienced trauma, this is usually when dissociative disorders come to light, as in the case of DID and severe constant childhood trauma.

     

    I wish you the best on whatever you wish to do :3

     

    I agree. Both my Daddy and I have studied psychology extensively and this sounds like dissociative identity disorder (DID). It isn't a bad thing, just something you should be able to talk to a therapist for, especially if you have a traumatic past like you mentioned.

     

    A lot of us here have had traumatic events in our past but you should always be able to control your little side. Not a doctor nor a professional but I would recommend getting help so you are able to cope with your past experiences.

     

    With that being said, I'm glad that you were able to feel little again!

     

     

     

     

    Junebug x


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    #10 sanwiooaf

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    Posted 23 May 2020 - 05:02 AM

    I agree. Both my Daddy and I have studied psychology extensively and this sounds like dissociative identity disorder (DID). It isn't a bad thing, just something you should be able to talk to a therapist for, especially if you have a traumatic past like you mentioned.

     

    A lot of us here have had traumatic events in our past but you should always be able to control your little side. Not a doctor nor a professional but I would recommend getting help so you are able to cope with your past experiences.

     

    With that being said, I'm glad that you were able to feel little again!

     

     

     

     

    Junebug x

     

    This for definite! Having a dissociative disorder is nothing bad! Yes, it usually appears due to a bad past, but our mind has ways to help us cope with past trauma(s) :3 our minds are amazing places and will do anything it can to help us cope with things. Most people use regression as a way to cope too! (I regress involuntary to help cope with stress, depression, anxiety and verbal abuse from people) so having a way to cope isn't a bad thing ^^ having advice and other ways to cope from a professional will greatly be able to help you too; that's also why we have therapists and psychologists to help us with trauma and how to deal with that :3


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