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    New CareGiver (Seeking Advice)


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    #1 SmFjaw==

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    Posted 26 June 2020 - 07:36 PM

    Hey, 

     

    I'm new to this whole thing. I'll give a little context to perhaps assist in the advice. So I've known this girl for 8 years and recently started dating. She opened up to me that she wants me to be her CG and me to be her little. She falls in and out of it as a way of protecting herself after her sexual abuse from other partners. She is 18 and I am 19 and we are long distance.

     

    I don't think any of this is weird and I'm happy that she opened up to me and I'd happily let her called me daddy and for her to be my little (she stated none of this is sexual btw). However, I am honestly clueless of where to start. Should I just be direct and ask her what she wants from me or should I use my own initiative and perhaps suggest some rules. 

     

    I'm happy with anything you wanna say/ask. Just wanna do my best to make sure she feels happy and safe.  :)


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    #2 Judas

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    Posted 26 June 2020 - 08:06 PM

    Honestly, if you are new and you have this partner, I don't think there's anything wrong asking what her needs and desires are. Over time you will get more comfortable with your role.

     

    Remember the 3 Cs: Communicate, Comfort, Consent. Not in that order.

     

    I wish you luck and hope things get a little easier for you.


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    #3 Kaori

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    Posted 26 June 2020 - 08:06 PM

    kinda i think that talking to your now little and asking what she wants/needs from you would be the best place to start. remember to cuddle her and maybe see if she likes tea parties or you guys could have like movie nights together. see if she wants rules to follow, if she wants/needs structure. rules and punishments are something you two would talk about together and agree upon together. but really it starts with you talking to her about what she wants/is expecting. 


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    #4 Princesspunzie21

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    Posted 26 June 2020 - 08:07 PM

    Ooooh good question, being a new cg can always be tricky to navigate especially having a new daddy (from a littles perspective) I’d say find out what she likes, ask her questions like “oooh what’s your fave lil snack” and then eventually bring it up in conversation “little one do you have your favourite little snack or could you pick some up for me and it’s gonna be super yummy” :) and gage how she is, ask her what being little means to her,!or simply things like “why don’t you grab your stuffies and colour me a picture” engage that space, talk to her at her age range and if you don’t know it simply ask, questions are very important it means to a little (not all littles everyone is different) that you want to engage and find out about the little side and once you learn her behaviours a bit more you’ll find yourself more at ease, tell her things like what you would do if you were there like give her a big cuddle, read bedtime story and tuck her in and stuff like that :) your natural daddy role may start to kick in and you find yourself just noticing these things but that comes over time. Giving it time is key :) and good luck if you need any more help let me know, hope it all helps :3


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    #5 Aetherr

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    Posted 26 June 2020 - 09:29 PM

    the easy answer here is, communicate what your desires are and listen to her desires!

     

    also note if something seems unimportant or you assume it is common knowledge, discuss it anyway because you cant communicate enough when you are new and all of it isnt familiar to you


    Edited by Aetherr, 26 June 2020 - 09:29 PM.

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    #6 Alaskan Daddy

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    Posted 26 June 2020 - 09:31 PM

    as a daddy and when I begin a relationship with a new little, I always ask her what she wants and needs most from a daddy. Ask her if she wants different things like a bed time story or being tucked in. Ask her what she struggles she has that a daddy can help her with. The most important thing you can tell her is that she needs to tell you what she desires from you, because you can not read her mind. Take it one day at a time and things will be great. Communication is always the key for a great realtionship


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    #7 TheLittlestBelle

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    Posted 26 June 2020 - 11:07 PM

    I agree that you should communicate A LOT! If you think you have communicated enough about things in general you probably have but that doesn't mean you never speak about it again. Being a CG is a fluid relationship. The biggest thing aside from communication is consistency. The worst thing that happened to me as a little is a CG just disappearing. So if your not able to talk for a period of time I would for sure make sure you communicate a lot about it. I saw you said you are long distance I have a few apps that I have used with long distance CG's in the past that were amazing. One is called Couple and this is a private way of chatting it does have some cool features like fingers kisses and you can write out the rules and both of your schedules. It helps make you feel less long distancey. Also OurHome if when you guys chat you decide on rules with consequences and rewards. Or if you decide on routines and you want to set up a reward system for it. It gives you points for each item. You can decide on a treat they can get if they reach a certain point threshold. It's great cause both of you guys can see what is or isn't getting done. Which makes discipline conversations a tad easier. Also researching stuff is your friend if nothing else than to get an idea of what you are interested in within the dynamic and what is off limits ot yourself. Cause limits do exist even if the CG relationship isn't sexual. But finally welcome to our little community! 


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    #8 Vampiress

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    Posted 11 July 2020 - 10:07 AM

    Communication and talking to find out needs is important. I think it is also important to take initiative and do a lot of reading. There's a lot of resources here and online about CG/l and BDSM (if she's into that). Taking the time to do some reading and educating yourself will give you the tools to have a better conversation with her and explore your own desires and creativity within the relationship. Don't rely on her 100% to teach you how to be a Caregiver. At least in my case I've found that to be difficult and stressful to be doing all the teaching, having Daddy read and learn from people with experience in the community has made our conversations much easier as we continue to define our relationship over time. Good luck!


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