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Do you ever feel broken when it comes to relationships?


SweetCuriosity

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I'm beginning to see the common denominator in my failed relationships. I thought that I was meeting the wrong type of men. Once I realized that I was a little, I assumed that things would be better and now that I knew what type of man I wanted and needed, it would be easier to find a fulfilling relationship. Nothing seems to have changed. Today I received a message from my ex. He was my daddy for almost a year and he was so good to me. He was sweet, nurturing, he spoiled me rotten at every opportunity and it didn't hurt that he's sculpted like Adonis. Everything should have been perfect but it felt empty. I felt like I was only with him because I was afraid of hurting him. I did end up hurting him although the breakup was mutual and surprisingly cordial. We stayed friends, sort of. We don't talk as often anymore since he's moved on and found someone who's good to him.

I'm supposed to have moved on as well with a new/old daddy. Again, things were going well for the first few months and I felt very connected and nurtured but now I find myself drawing away. It's been a couple of months since this started to feel like our relationship was falling apart. I tried discussing it but nothing changed and now I don't feel a connection anymore.

I hate feeling this way but I think I'm the one who loses interest in people. Things are wonderful and that somehow scares me and makes me pull away while I crave so badly for a daddy to connect with. I don't understand myself. At this point, I've given up on finding my daddy because I already know I'll ruin things.

Has anyone else gone through this? How do you cope?

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something like it I think. I got hurt by my ex and now I can't bring myself to get close to people. the best advice I can give is to seek the root of this feeling from there you can work towards overcoming it. 

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I haven't been through this exact situation, but something similar. Almost all of the relationships i've had, both Vanilla and kink, have started out awesome. We've been close and intimate, and connected, you know? But then i start to lose my mind, and doubt creeps in. Are they cheating? Are they bored? Am i doing enough to keep them interested? And i start acting weird, and pulling away and acting nonchalant, which then makes them think i'm not interested, so the whole situation self perpetuates, and then my own, incorrect thoughts become self perpetuating. The only way i've found to deal with any situation i find my self in, is to talk to my partner and explain my situation and my thought processes. And if i'm not in a committed relationship when these things happen, i talk to my friends and get some 3rd party perspective. Sometimes talking to somebody who has an objective opinion can lead you to see a solution you otherwise might not. 

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I'm the last person to be offering advice, but here's my theory: If you withdraw after a while because you're scared of intimacy or things going "too well," it might be that you lack confidence in yourself. I'll stop projecting and talk in first person. I tend to fall in love with the idea of people, but the moment they express interest, I peace out. I'm a romantic, but the idea of actually engaging in a real romantic relationship terrifies me. I think it's because I don't trust myself to be okay when (rather than if) things go south. I know that I'm sensitive and I know that I'm awkward. These traits don't make a successful relationship impossible, but I choose to use them as an excuse not to try. My awkwardness will inevitably make me embarrassed or the other person uncomfortable, then the relationship will end and the shame I feel for having messed up is so painful that I decide to never try again. I tell myself I would much rather die lonely than let someone see me for who I really am: an imperfect human being.

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  • 2 months later...

This might be wrong, so dont mind it too much but, maybe what good you had isn't the good you needed, you know? Somethings feel good but are not properly good! i am not saying they were bad, just not the right thing you needed, i wanted to ask, would you allow yourself to show your weaknesses to them?

Not everything is easy, we have feeling we dont understand, events that are a mystery for us, but its okey! you are you and maybe dont know what exactly you need and because of that the good you get makes you feel bad on yourself.. dont be too harsh, if you loose interest you lost interest, dont blame yourself, some stuffs are uncontrolable, if it was easy the world would be way better, just accept its not the right and continue, it might hurt i know but it will heal, it is not your fault, it just happens!

 

Nobody is perfect, just accept that and live on, you will see that it gets a little be lighter on yourself!

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I definitely feel the same broken feeling. It's why I don't think I'm ever going to get into relationship again. I'm not suggesting that because I'm older I've figured anything out. But what I can suggest is taking some time out for yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, or at least not any more than most people.

 

Above all, take care of yourself physically and mentally. Stay true to yourself and it will hopefully fall into place.

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Guest BigDaddyDominant

As a Daddy oh heck yes! I had to go through my own self reflection before I was ready to get back on the horse again so to speak. You have to be comfortable with who YOU are first before you go looking again. Trust me that can mean a lot more then it sounds like.

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I think that is completely natural to withdraw yourself! I myself tend to do the same thing. Especially when I see patterns that I have labeled as “toxic.” I know this may not be right on the dot but sometimes you have to allow yourself to take the chance. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and break down the walls that you build up over time. The best way of explaining it is by this song I listen to called “If You Want Love” by NF! Definitely hits things right on the head for me!

 

If I were you I would maybe take some time and reflect on what causes you to lose interest? It can sometimes be a self defense thing while some people are just not the kind to settle. There is multiple factors that can play a big part in why you withdraw. You deserve to be treated the way you want but you must also know what things you can live without. Allow for some standards to not be met and allow for some to be present in each search!

 

I am not sure if this helped in anyway and I hope that you find what you are looking for! Just know that Prince Charming May not be what you plan but rather what you need.

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I would try to focus on why you feel like the way you feel.
And take some time of to reflect on your self not trowing away the relations or what not but just work on yourself more, maybe even get a therapist who probably is a much better choice to answer all your questions.
If you continue to fail in relationships it can have a big impact on future relationships and not trust in long-lasting ones.
So try to figure out what it is and work to solve the problem. 
Its most of the time much deeper than people think it is. 
 

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Guest Thunder Sprite

I have, yes. After my last relationship I developed some rather serious trust issues that are, at best, unfair to a potential partner. Add to that a serious bout of generalized depression --- or experiencing the world in shades of grey --- and for a long time I felt that I had no meaningful "life" to share with someone, and felt almost like being a robot.

 

I can't say that I've had the experience of many failed relationships though, because while I was feeling this way I shut down and did not even try. FWIW, I think it's good that you're noticing patterns in yourself, as from there you can explore what is behind them and come to know yourself better. I think that's one of the most important outcomes of a good relationship anyway. :)

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