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he's gone...


MissPattch

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i know i post advice here a lot about the hows and what have you's when it comes to dealing with a recent separation, but having recently ( this morning, to be precise), found myself in this situation, i'm struggling to deal myself. My little side feels abandoned. There were plans to meet up this weekend, we had a discussion on friday, and i got a little pushy and emotional, for which i apologised, and we didn't talk all weekend, and the visit didn't happen, and i got a message this morning saying somethings that really didn't make too much sense to me. I sent a reply, but he hasn't read it, or if he has, he hasn't responded.

 

I know that there has been a lot of stress and pressure on everybody the last couple of months, but i wasn't ready or prepared for him to just quit like he did... he said he feels like he's always letting me down, which he isn't,  and i'm just in shock. He was my first Daddy, and i honestly thought we were on the same page and working towards the same goals. I know i can't make him stay, and i wouldn't want to, but this is the first time in my life that i'm the one who's been left behind to pick up the pieces. 

 

I guess im just looking for a place to vent, and unload everything that inside, i'm just so confused right now. I honestly did not see this coming, and its making me feel sick to my stomach. I'm an expert about being the one that does the breaking up, but apparently being on this side isn't so easy. I have a couple of awesome friends who are helping buffer the harder times, I figured i'd turn to you guys here, and see if any body could help me find the light at the end of the tunnel, cos right now, i can't see it for looking....

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I really feel for you, that's my worst fear... emotions and neediness becoming an issue which makes me clam up about sharing emotions to begin with. I feel like your Daddy should have taken time to think and then give you an opportunity to mend the issue. The whole point of a partnership is to always be working together, and that includes during the difficult times. I am sorry that he just dropped the ball so suddenly and left you hurting.

I can understand why he might always feel like he's letting you down, a lot of people take things to heart and they will make it a much bigger issue than it feels like to you. It can be hard to hear from your partner that something isn't quite right or not enough, and how one takes that and deals with it will determine how the rest of the conversation will go. I know when I do something wrong I will really beat myself up over it because I care and don't like making anyone unhappy. It just makes me try harder, but for other people they just give up.

 

I don't want you to take from this that you can't share your feelings, but whatever lessons you have learned from this relationship you need to take them and turn them into something positive towards your future. I know the pain is really raw and fresh right now, and it will take some time for you to move on and open yourself up to anyone else. Just don't go to someone else too soon, it wouldn't be fair to you or your new partner. Work on self-care and working on yourself and making yourself feel fulfilled in your own life. Lean more on your friends, engage in things you enjoy and maybe find new things that you might like.

The good news is you will move on after giving yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Let yourself grieve and feels these emotions, the process is important to healing and moving on to the next chapter. It can feel like you'll never find anyone else like him or that you can't love again, but of course you can. There will be someone else when you are ready and perhaps that person will be more prepared for the kind of relationship you need and can handle it all much better and love you the way you need to be loved. Things may feel dark and grim now, but the future does hold promise and that light at the end of the tunnel is there waiting for you. Just keep moving forward and you'll find it.  :heart: 

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Guest Vampire

So as someone that has never been broken up with or never broken up with anyone, I don't know how it feels to be on both the sides, but I can imagine your pain. I can't help you finding the light at the end of the tunnel as I don't know you personally and don't know any context but just know that I hope you'll be able to get through this tough time. With light there is darkness sadly enough, I hope you'll be able to find something/someone that'll be able to distract you from this very tough time, I hope your ex-partner will hopefully be more clear with you and respond to your text as he owes you some closure atleast. 

You have my support, good luck.

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thanks guys... it does hurt, a lot, cos i wanted what we had, and i had no idea he was having thoughts of calling it quits at all. Part of me knows i should just let him go and be done, but the other part wants to keep the door open, you know, just in case he changes his mind and says he's made a mistake. I know i'm probably just scared to let go, but even my profile makes mention of my hopelessly optimistic nature :/ As an INFJ, i'm quite capable of slamming the door on people and cutting them out of my life, but i don't want to do that to this man, cos i don't feel he's wronged me the way he thinks he has...

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Guest mariposa

I know it must be so hard for you and I just wanted to say that I really hope you feel better. It can be hard losing someone especially in such a short amount of days. But just know that time heals everything and if you ever need anyone to talk to about this im here!! I know it's so easy to focus on the negatives and blame yourself for the bad things that happen. But I think it can really help to just focus on the positive things and take care of yourself during a time like this. You're so deserving of love and happiness. I know it sounds cheesy, but with time you'll be okay and things will get better as hard as it is to believe. You have my support you got this!! ♡ 

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