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Deciding if I should tell my gf about my cgl side


Lizzzy

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I've seen a few people make posts about this topic or something similar to this. I know the only way I can be sure is having a conversation with her about it so I guess this is just me ranting and getting my thoughts out. Its probably gonna be a lot but I feel like me writing this all out will help me process all of it.

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 7 months, some long distance but the past two months we have been together. We have an established bdsm relationship where she is my Dom/switch and I am her Sub/switch. Her title is daddy and I call her this often. We took the bdsm test early on in the relationship and she got a fairly high daddy/mommy score and then I got a semi high little girl score (I lied a bit to lower the score to test the waters). I sorta started a conversation about it and she said something about it being weird so I dropped it. Over the past two months there have been a few things that made me think it was sorta ok to bring it up but I don't know. I guess I'll just list them out. She always talks about how much she likes taking care of me and babying me. She calls me babygirl, princess, and recently started calling me little girl and little one. When I do something I perceive as little she always calls me cute. She accidentally found my journal where I draw little things when I am in little space but I think I talked my way out of that one and she didn't really suspect anything but she also didn't call me weird. I also accidentally let it slip that she could call me mommy if she wanted to but I got embarrassed and backed out of it pretty quick but she was very open to it. She also does things that make me feel really little a lot. A big example is that she cooks dinner for us and tells me to sit on the counter to watch and talk to her and she always hands me a juice box of apple juice because she knows I love apple juice and she buys them for me. I always start to swing my legs and feel little, and she tells me that my baby talking during that is cute. She also said that we should get matching ddlg enamel pins for our college bags and when I asked her if she knew what that meant she said never mind. I'm sure there's more but I cannot think of them right now.

She also has some little tendencies (which is great, my dream relationship is two switches so I can be a little sometimes and a mommy some other times. Also play dates!!!). She also baby talks sometimes and has said that she is happy that she can baby talk around me and I won't judge her. She told me she sleeps better with her stuffie so she sleeps with me and her stuffed panda. She also calls them stuffies and I've only ever heard people in this community use that term (I may be wrong tho). I also think I've caught her sucking her thumb but I'm not sure if that's actually what I saw.

All of these make me think that it would be safe to ask her about but I cannot get the few times she's called this community weird out of my head. I also should say that I am very happy in the relationship and I do not have to have a cgl dynamic to be happy. I feel like it would be safer to not say anything and not risk ruining this very good thing that I have. I just don't know what to think about it all.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my information dump! Advice is appreciated but don't feel like you have to. It was just nice to write it all out. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!! :)

Edited by Lizzzy
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It could have been a simple misunderstanding and lack of knowledge when she had said that in the past! I know that there has been times where I bashed things in the past and I hate to say it but even ddlg was weird to me as well before I got more information and divided into things! I think having a conversation and asking her what made it so weird and even telling her that things you already do makes it an example of what happens and that it isn’t really that weird!

 

It sounds strange but part of me thinks that she has already done the research and enjoys it but doesn’t say anything because of what she said in the past. I could be mistaken but it just looks that way to me. Especially when she offered to get a matching DDlg pin for you both.

 

I hope this helped a little bit and I hope things look out!

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Guest fhihfidhfd38478

While you should never assume, it sounds like she is into it in practice, if not in theory. Maybe she has some of the common misconceptions or is conflating DDlg with ABDL, some people like one but not the other. It's also possible that she likes and knows fully it but is taking a "ew that's gross, unless you're into it" stance. 

 

In any healthy relationship, especially one with a BDSM dynamic, communication is important. A simple conversation that goes something like "Hey, this is how I identify, and you don't have to participate but this is who I am" may lead you somewhere you'd really enjoy. At the end of the day, if being a little is important to you, and being a little is gross or uncomfortable for your partner, you need a conversation sooner than later. 

 

I know this can be really scary - but it honestly sounds like she's on the same team as you with this one. I hope this helps a little. Feel free to reach out! <3

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She is definitely showing signs of maybe being into it now. She might have done research and decided that it actually was something that interested her after her initial "this is weird." I'm definitely one of those people who had a very negative view of DD/lg before researching, then I fell in love with it. Also if she specifically said DD/lg pins, this makes me think she's more into it than she's told you. That is a very specific term that isn't common in every day speak meaning she's heard it somewhere and knows what it is. I'd really just bring it up again. If she reacts negatively again ask her what all this means then that she has been doing.

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Thank you all for the advice and suggestions! I feel really supported right now :) I may have a talk with her soon, just have to get up my courage. 

 

Also I feel like I should clarify the ddlg pin. She showed me them and one said daddy dom and one said little girl and she said she thought they matched us cause those are our titles. That very well might have been all that was and she was just confused, or didn't understand the full meaning of ddlg. That doesn't change much tho I guess. Thanks again!!!

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Like others before me said, she may have had a wrong idea in the past. A lot of us misunderstood ddlg and (in my case) avoided it in the past because of that.

 

Is it possible that she thinks that you have the wrong idea? Sort of a situation where you both want to say something, aren't sure the other gets it, and thinks the other has the wrong idea so you don't bring it up?

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Guest fhihfidhfd38478

Thank you all for the advice and suggestions! I feel really supported right now :) I may have a talk with her soon, just have to get up my courage. 

 

Also I feel like I should clarify the ddlg pin. She showed me them and one said daddy dom and one said little girl and she said she thought they matched us cause those are our titles. That very well might have been all that was and she was just confused, or didn't understand the full meaning of ddlg. That doesn't change much tho I guess. Thanks again!!!

 

Oh, yeah, she definitely sounds like she's into it. Again, talk to her about it -- but those are pretty strong signals! 

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I would add that, subjectively, it seems like quarantine/etc. has given a lot of people the opportunity to explore parts of themselves they may not have been comfortable exploring before--so I wouldn't be surprised if your girlfriend has changed/reevaluated her feelings, simply because people are doing a lot of introspection right now! Like honestly, it seems like a *lot* of people are exploring CG/l dynamics, or their own queerness, or trying to address mental illnesses (all three are true for me, lol) right now.

Now might actually be a great time to have this scary talk with her, and potentially gain a lot of intimacy from it! :)
 

Oh, yeah, she definitely sounds like she's into it. Again, talk to her about it -- but those are pretty strong signals! 

Alsoooooo yeah I didn't wanna like come out saying this immediately cuz I'm relatively new to CG/l, but yeah, those seem like the strongest signals. <3

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When I first told my fiancee about CGL and mommy domme/little girl stuff I called it a 'weird fetish' to test the waters and see how she'd react- maybe its a similar case?

 

There's unfortunately a lot of stigma around CGL dynamics so a lot of people do stuff like that to test the waters and gage their partner's reaction!
I even remember doing a similar thing when coming out to test my friends' acceptance of queer folk :)

A serious conversation would never hurt ♥

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