Do you think this is true?

[Guest Rhaelellis]

Hi everyone!

I have attached a file here. I found this today and I think I need your opinion on this one? Do you agree or have another opinion? Share yours here!

Thank you in advance!

 

-Rhae-

Edited January 3, 2021 by Rhaelellis

[Little kaiya]

I very much agree with what has been written.

[freekittyx3]

Absolutely agree 100%!! Unfortunately in my experience subs do not get enough credit. I’m not saying this in general, just in my experience thus far. I do long for the day a real dom comes into my life and appreciates my submission as opposed to taking advantage of it, manipulating it to their gain predominantly.

[PapaGrayWolf]

The only thing I disagree with is purely a semantic thing.  The statement that it's the purest thing "one"  can give should read "a sub can give",  Other that that admittedly nitpicky item it's very well written.

 

Something I've tried to do as a Dom and a Daddy Dom is to cherish that gift.

[SmolAetherr]

the only part i take issue with is the sub "having the final word" that implies only a sub can be put in a dangerous situation, i can state from experiance that is untrue

 

doms can be used too, and what is the point of a dom if all the power is with the sub anyway?

[Guest sshyguy123]

Let me see if I can clear that up for you a bit Aetherr... that or open up a whole other can of worms

 

it means that you always have the power to take back your trust, to stop obeying if the Dom stops respecting you or abuses that trust.  You only submit to a Dom because you are willing to submit to that particular person... but if they abuse you, you have the right to refuse to submit anymore

 

Yes, anyone can be manipulated if they allow it, but that part just indicates that the sub has the ability to withdraw their consent and obedience if they feel the Dom is being abusive or has betrayed their trust.  And the point of a sub having a Dom is for their own reasons... all that part is saying is that the sub should never feel trapped! 

 

This is a subtle point that I think that quite a few subs miss...if we agree that the relationship is built on consent and trust, then a sub can withdraw that consent just as easily as his/her Dom if things aren't safe. The point is that a Dom can't be dominant if the sub refuses to be submissive....  THAT is how a sub has the power.  They are consenting to trade their submission for care, affection, direction, and maybe love (or whatever their wants and needs are).... but they can withdraw that consent too!!!

 

THAT is how I interpret that part of it

 

I also think that only applies to a HEALTHY relationship... if either of the parties in the dynamic start getting abusive or manipulative, then all the standard rules get thrown out the window and we are now into an abusive relationship.

 

Hope that helps

[SmolAetherr]

Let me see if I can clear that up for you a bit Aetherr... that or open up a whole other can of worms

it means that you always have the power to take back your trust, to stop obeying if the Dom stops respecting you or abuses that trust.  You only submit to a Dom because you are willing to submit to that particular person... but if they abuse you, you have the right to refuse to submit anymore

Yes, anyone can be manipulated if they allow it, but that part just indicates that the sub has the ability to withdraw their consent and obedience if they feel the Dom is being abusive or has betrayed their trust.  And the point of a sub having a Dom is for their own reasons... all that part is saying is that the sub should never feel trapped! 

This is a subtle point that I think that quite a few subs miss...if we agree that the relationship is built on consent and trust, then a sub can withdraw that consent just as easily as his/her Dom if things aren't safe. The point is that a Dom can't be dominant if the sub refuses to be submissive....  THAT is how a sub has the power.  They are consenting to trade their submission for care, affection, direction, and maybe love (or whatever their wants and needs are).... but they can withdraw that consent too!!!

THAT is how I interpret that part of it

I also think that only applies to a HEALTHY relationship... if either of the parties in the dynamic start getting abusive or manipulative, then all the standard rules get thrown out the window and we are now into an abusive relationship.

Hope that helps

It does actually, I always took that narrative of "you only have dominance because i let you" as a way to say "you are not the boss you are just the one pretending to be the boss" for me it's a case that if I was a dom to a sub I wouldnt looking to be given submission as a conditional thing I would want a sub to trust me that I would never abuse that power or put her in an unsafe situation knowingly, it was always implied that submission is consensual, that is how I interpret the dynamic but I really didnt think some people needed those little messages that they still have a say but I was born with autism so I can see why that message would go over my head

[Littlechef]

Very much so. Subs are actually stronger than doms are. It takes a lot to be able to give up control to someone else

[DaddysMonkey]

I only agree with some of the attached file you posted.

 

I do not agree that subs are “stronger” than doms. I do not believe that doms are stronger either. These types of relationships and lifestyles need equal balance. While the dom may have more control over micro things to larger scale life issues , the sub has the ability to say no and or brat. The dom also has the ability to say no and back out of a relationship.

 

Posts that appreciate subs are wonderful , as are ones that praise doms... but I think something nobody should forget is that we’re all still on the same playing field. We’re all adults and all equal. If both parties weren’t equals going into a relationship, my opinion is that it doesn’t often work out. If one person is constantly feeling superior or inferior, it causes deep resentment. This isn’t to say you can’t put your partner on a special pedestal to worship them because you love them , but at the end of the day doms and subs are still equal and share the power balance.

[RavenclawPrincess]

I think Monkey hit the nail on the head, it's about equality and mutual autonomy. The value that I see in the posts like the file shared here is that a crap ton of people that are new/inexperienced are still in the process of learning. It seems to me like there are an awful lot of subs that are under the impression that it's wrong/bratty to speak up for themselves if something is wrong, and it seems disturbingly common for people of both sides of the slash to not know better and believe that the sub is supposed to blindly accept whatever a dom throws at them without the element of genuine consent. I oftentimes find myself explaining to subs in particular how important communication is, and that it's absolutely ok for them to bring up any issues that exist and try to work it out with their dom. In a sense, it seems like a lot of subs need to be encouraged to understand the equality aspect that Monkey discussed as a goal to reach. I don't think it's good to say that subs have all the power, I'd prefer posts like the original statements being discussed reflect the message better. Autonomy and the right to communicate as well as the right to set limits should be 100% equal for everyone involved, and I think that message can get lost depending on how points are being worded. In the case of Aetherr's initial response, I think part of the issue being taken with what was said was that there ARE doms that are educated and have good intentions with their subs, and Aetherr was looking at it from that point of view rather than as someone that is undeducated or needs to be told how to be a good dom. With that, I don't think information like the file presented is even necessary and I can absolutely see why there were points made that a good dom would take issue with. I'm all about encouraging subs AND doms, but I don't particularly like it when the other role feels low key dumped on in the process. I'd much prefer seeing information shared that supports both roles having a voice and working together to create the best possible dynamic. 

Edited January 5, 2021 by RavenclawPrincess

[PapaGrayWolf]

Very much so. Subs are actually stronger than doms are. It takes a lot to be able to give up control to someone else

While I don't agree with this universally I do agree with it generally. 

[SmolAetherr]

Very much so. Subs are actually stronger than doms are. It takes a lot to be able to give up control to someone else

i find it quite troubling you can make a generalisation like that, do you understand how much effort and confidence it takes for a dominant to take the lead with someone they like, how much pressure a dominant is put under when they do have that power over another person?

 

can we stop saying one is better than the other k thnx bye.

[Vampiress]

I disagree with one being stronger than the other as well. I think many don't realize the pressure their Dom is under at times to always be in control and handling the sub's needs... especially if a particular sub is very needy. I think this is evident in the fact that sometimes Doms need a break and alone time and that they can also experience Dom drop. Doms are strong too, just in different ways.

[LittlePupRune]

Neither is stronger than the other. I echo that sentiment wholeheartedly. It is an agreement between equals. I am also not the greatest fan of the phrase "submission is a gift". I much prefer the approach it is an agreement between the people involved as its not something thats simply "given" but rather negotiated and agreed upon. Nothing happens without everyone's agreement. 

Personally I also have a pet peeve with phrasing or tone that almost comes off as babying or very sweet and sugar coated. Power exchange and bdsm are adult topics and I'd rather have it be discussed in such a way, frank and without condescension or something similar.