Hihi UwU May I ask for some advice?

[Lilonepersephone]

I have mentioned in my recent introduction (first post other than the introduction) That my last dom was a master, )I’m sure you can see where the issues lie in that almost immediately.) I never felt safe enough to really embrace and expressed that I am a little to him ( heart wrenching having to be in little space alone with no real nurturing or feeling loved.)

 

Now that I am single, I realized I need to be me, I am however still very much in the closet, and feel a lot of shame, I’m even scared to tell people that attempt to court me. I can’t go back to vanilla, and I can’t deny myself of who I am anymore.

 

Does anybody have any advice on how to stop feeling the shame, and discuss this with potential partners, should I just stick to DDLG’s dating sites?

[SebHardy^^]

As with almost everything, the key would be open communication. The right one will probably understand your problems and may even be able to deal with them / get them solved. Keep your head up for now, it'll work out in the end.

[Lilonepersephone]

As with almost everything, the key would be open communication. The right one will probably understand your problems and may even be able to deal with them / get them solved. Keep your head up for now, it'll work out in the end.

I  appreciate the encouragement friend

[PapaGrayWolf]

Being a Master or a Dom doesn't preclude one from being a Daddy.  I am a Dom yet I love to live the Daddy role as well.

 

Be open with prospective partners.  If they reject you it is doubtful that the relationship would have worked.

[Barney048]

A friend of mine ended a 4 year relationship because she could no longer deny the masochist in her. Her boyfriend was ideal for her in every way except for the part of him being vanilla. That's why she dragged it out for so long in the first place. Towards the end she even wanted me to "scratch# her masochist side, as a way to compensate for that part of the relationship. But she wanted it done behind her partners back, so I refused. And besides, that wouldn't have helped her relationship, but just make her more aware of the other things she is missing.

 

Anyway, the reason I am saying this is because you can probably relate to it. Which leads me to your issue of feeling ashamed of the little/masochist part of you. There is no quick fix for it, you just have to slowly realize that accommodating social expectations of you is not worth being sexually and emotionally frustrated in a relationship. You already made the first step in that direction by acknowledging to yourself that it's something you NEED in a relationship. 

 

When it comes to dating , I like to discuss such things asap, since it's a big part of who I am as well. When I was using Tinder I put "Eager to discuss the mentality behind BDSM"  in my description as well. Yes , that did lessen the number of matches I got significantly, but those that I did get were more promising. Quality before quantity.

When you discuss this with a potential partner you should try not to show how insecure that part of you makes you. I'm sure you've had to fake orgasms in the past, well now it's time to fake confidence. This potential partner of yours is someone you are not yet emotionally attached to , so don't be afraid of him walking away because of it. Try to present that side of you as something you fully embrace and is a part of who you are, which it is. After a while this will become natural to you, you'll feel better about yourself and the shame will slowly disappear as well. 

 

That's how I went about things back in the days. Hope this helps you, and may the odds be forever in your favor.

[Lilonepersephone]

In appreciate your insight, i will herd putting the bdsm mention on my profile. I am still single and really allowing courting unless i am captivated. I will truly hold what you have to say in my mind. The masochism is not the issue though, it is my shame of others judgements on me being a little.

[BabyBoop]

I have mentioned in my recent introduction (first post other than the introduction) That my last dom was a master, )I’m sure you can see where the issues lie in that almost immediately.) I never felt safe enough to really embrace and expressed that I am a little to him ( heart wrenching having to be in little space alone with no real nurturing or feeling loved.)

 

Now that I am single, I realized I need to be me, I am however still very much in the closet, and feel a lot of shame, I’m even scared to tell people that attempt to court me. I can’t go back to vanilla, and I can’t deny myself of who I am anymore.

 

Does anybody have any advice on how to stop feeling the shame, and discuss this with potential partners, should I just stick to DDLG’s dating sites?

hi!

 

I feel like I’ve gone through something similar back when I realised my Babygirl/Middle self in 2019. I was in a vanilla relationship and luckily it ended as he wouldn’t of accepted me as who I am. So once we broke up I thought to myself that I could never be in a vanilla relationship again!

 

I downloaded vanilla dating apps, as well as some kink ones, joined here and DDLG friends (which I think is rubbish but you may have a better time) and made a Fetlife profile. I got to meet Daddies, the odd Mommy and some Littles and Middles, both in my area (and a lil further) and online. Obviously, I dated vanillas in the mean time too - although, I met a Daddy on a vanilla app and my current Daddy, I met on a vanilla app. So, you can meet your caregiver, it takes time and a lot of patience.

 

In terms of the two Daddies I met on vanilla apps (one being my current), I only found out that they were a Daddy until a week (minimum) of non stop talking/getting to know each other. I didn’t find out that my current Daddy was one until weeks of talking.

 

good luck ❤❤❤

 

hope I’ve answered your q, sorry if I haven’t

[MissPattch]

Hi

 

The first thing that jumps out at me in your post is that you say you have feelings of shame about telling prospective partners about this side to you. If i had any advice for you, it would be to stay off ALL of the dating sites, be they vanilla or kinked, and concentrate on learning how to be accepting of yourself  as you are. 

 

What i have learnt from my time here this last year, is that it is sooo much better to be able to function on and by yourself before you go insearch of the one you want to call Daddy. It's absolutely OK to stay single for a while and find out who you are inside and what you really need/want from this dynamic. 

 

When you are ready, the best thing you can be is open and honest from the very start. That way, when prospective partners do approach you, they already have a very good idea of what you are looking for. Also, it means you have a better chance of not investing your time and emotions into somebody who maybe isn't as accepting as you would hope them to be.

 

I hope some of this helps to answer your question <3

[j0k3r]

Hey,
 

The advantage of using dating apps is that you would find someone locally. And on DDLG dating site the probability of finding someone in you city/state/area is much much harder

 

If I were you, I'd be keeping an eye out on both

You never know who or where you might come across a good partner (And it greatly depends on if you are OK with LDR or strictly looking for someone close to you)

 

I do advise sharing that information but am against letting everyone know about it.

 

If you are open to ideas I'd suggest put it on a much vaguer terms on you profile without it being indicative of the actual concept or idea.To imply there is something to dig deeper into. This would also help you figure if someone actually went through your profile and has paid attention to the thing that you put on your profile. And possibly weed out people who would end up wasting your time

 

During the initial conversation you could start of with the kinks that are considered less taboo to get a feel of the person (yet remain mysterious) before saying you are a little.

You could also ask them to fill out one of the much detailed kink lists while leaving this section empty (Being mysterious while retaining deniability). If the other person does clearly indicate you have your answer. If they don't, there is a fair probability that they are open to the idea.

 

(I could propose a few more idea  if that is something you wanna know)

 

This way you would only bring it up when you feel comfortable talking about it and not feel judged

 

Hope this helps

[StrngButSweetDD]

Like others have said, I'd recommend trying both the ddlg sites, and regular dating.  You don't have to go full kink proclamation on the regular sites (in fact I would advise against it because some guys will misread it as easy sex available).

 

I think ddlg is a waaaaay easier thing to introduce that other kinks because elements of it are already mainstream and a girl who cherishes her childhood, dresses cute, likes stuffies, wants a man who takes charge, etc... well a lot of that is just kind being girly to outside people.

 

I got in to ddlg not as a kink at all, but because I had a super innocent Daddy's girl girlfriend that it just fit for.  It's not a game we play, it's how we interact and love.

 

I think just communicate what you want and like in your roles in the relationship.  You can start with the basics - feelings.  I want to feel small, cherished, protected.  And if they're onboard with that, then the rest will follow in time.

 

Good luck in your search!