Advice for a little with a vanilla-ish boyfriend

[Littlemerlot]

[maddycakes]

So, since you have been dating for such a long time, you will definitely know the best way/time to bring it up to him (this will be when he is in a receiving mood, avoiding things that "trigger" him (for lack of a better word), and sprinkling in things that get him excited).

 

Your approach will be different if you want to be a truly submissive little versus just having a non-dominant caregiver. If you want to be a submissive, I would suggest you start by introducing him to general BDSM safety practices (safewords, consent, negotiation, etc.) so that he can draw upon this foundation when you start to tell him about the specific things you want in your relationship. 

 

In terms of explaining DD/lg, since it is so different for everyone, it is hard to give specific advice. I think the best way to go about it is to first have a long sit-down with yourself where you think about exactly what you want in your dynamic. When you have sorted that out, you can write everything down so you don't forget. Then, once you have your list, you can start slowly introducing him to the things you want. I would NOT suggest telling him everything at once. That could be super overwhelming, especially for something like DD/lg where there is a whole lifestyle attached - someone can't change their entire life/personality/habits overnight. As you tell him some of the things you like/want, if he seems really interested or takes to it well, you can always add on more. If he seems like he needs some time to process, give it to him. Allow him the time to really integrate the things you are asking for into his routine. You also don't need to say "I am interested in a DD/lg relationship" for him to give you rules, give you a bath, watch cartoons with you, remind you to brush your teeth, or whatever else you want him to do. Starting out by discussing one or two actions you want to add into your relationship would allow you to gauge his reaction and see how the dynamic will work before you drop the DD/lg bomb

 

Hope that helps!  

[Littlemerlot]

Maddycakes - this is actually so helpful... I have thought about starting with bdsm first. I think he could be open to that as well. I really never thought about just trying one or two things that pertain to ddlg and honestly think that I’ve wanted to tell him everything at once because I feel like I’m hiding something from him which I hate. But your point about not wanting to overwhelm him is something I had not thought of. Thank you so much for responding!

[maddycakes]

No problem! Glad I could be helpful  

 

I totally understand how you feel about wanting to tell him everything! 

I know that you will get there when the time is right   

 

Good luck!!

[Bumbl3B33]

Haiii,

I noticed this post. I have some questions too? 

My so non-dom Daddy/husband, is willing to make sure I is safe and provided for. But I feel like I is missing something. He is My Love. But I need more that he is not comfy giving. Mostly nurturing and guidance, I have no rules or punishments.:-(    Taking a CG is so not acceptable to him. Just looking for positive ways that I can possibly do this for myself. Cause believe i have tryed all I can come up with on my own. 

Thank you and please be kind! 

Edited April 11, 2022 by Bumbl3B33

[A_Curious_little]

Haiii,

I noticed this post. I have some questions too? 

My so non-dom Daddy/husband, is willing to make sure I is safe and provided for. But I feel like I is missing something. He is My Love. But I need more that he is not comfy giving. Mostly nurturing and guidance, I have no rules or punishments.:-(    Taking a CG is so not acceptable to him. Just looking for positive ways that I can possibly do this for myself. Cause believe i have tryed all I can come up with on my own. 

Thank you and please be kind! 

 

Hi. I'm super new to dd/lg so I can't talk out of experience, just from what I've read and taken in to further my own knowledge. But seeing your question, as I understand it to be that you have a desire for rules and having those rules being enforced by your daddy. Do you know if it could be that he is uncomfortable with the idea of setting rules and punishments because he associates punishment with pain or scared that he will make you sad? - if so you could perhaps suggest non-painful punishments like having to repeatedly write the same sentence 15 times, or having privileges revoked such as late bedtime. OR instead of using punishment to enforce rules he could reward you as to have you follow rules ( I don't think punishment has to be the cause of behavioral modification), like if you succeed with X amount of tasks you've earned enough points to get a reward previously decided on. If it's not the punishment-pain thing that makes him uncomfortable perhaps ask more about his thoughts on it, and try and articulate and express to him why you would like rules, how you think they would help you - such as how rules and enforcement of them in either punishment and/or reward can be a form of guidance that feels very nourishing, etc. I think communication is key in any relationship. I hope all goes well. ^-^

Edited April 12, 2022 by A_Curious_little

[Bumbl3B33]

Hi. I'm super new to dd/lg so I can't talk out of experience, just from what I've read and taken in to further my own knowledge. But seeing your question, as I understand it to be that you have a desire for rules and having those rules being enforced by your daddy. Do you know if it could be that he is uncomfortable with the idea of setting rules and punishments because he associates punishment with pain or scared that he will make you sad? - if so you could perhaps suggest non-painful punishments like having to repeatedly write the same sentence 15 times, or having privileges revoked such as late bedtime. OR instead of using punishment to enforce rules he could reward you as to have you follow rules ( I don't think punishment has to be the cause of behavioral modification), like if you succeed with X amount of tasks you've earned enough points to get a reward previously decided on. If it's not the punishment-pain thing that makes him uncomfortable perhaps ask more about his thoughts on it, and try and articulate and express to him why you would like rules, how you think they would help you - such as how rules and enforcement of them in either punishment and/or reward can be a form of guidance that feels very nourishing, etc. I think communication is key in any relationship. I hope all goes well. ^-^

I wish!  But no we have talked and I is supposed to be an adult and govern myself. We have decided I should not make big chooses on my own. I do love rules and restrictions! I was raised that way. Military Family.  

 just not for him!  

I've tried governing myself. But I start therapy today. Hopeful that'll help!  Thank you for you help. Much luv