Meeeeeeeemories..... alllll alone in the moooooonlight..

[DaddysMonkey]

..... Hi. *waves*

 

Morning are kinda my time to brew on life and humans. I also kinda of run through my life and memories like a movie reel in my brain while I drink my coffee in the bath tub. Some days I have really bad memories that play through that fuck my whole day up.

 

MOST DAYS THO.... most days.. I remember the strangest things. I almost spit my coffee out laughing. Which leads me to my question today :

 

What is the strangest / grossest / embarrassing thing a guest in your home has done ?

 

BOY OH BOY DO I HAVE ONE FOR YOU.

 

I was 18 years old , just got my own apartment living on my own. I was super proud of myself , I was a “real grown up”. Working 40+ hours a week , had a little bed and some furniture and a shitty TV. I was so happy and I wanted to show off. So , I invited my only girl friend over that I had. I always saw Alora as like.... this goddess. She was crazy fucking tall like an Amazon woman and the total opposite of me. Tall , thin with little muscle , gorgeous face , I was obsessed with her. She was like some Amazon woman fairy lady. Alora could do no wrong in my eyes , or ever do anything gross ....until this day.... my god.

 

She was talking about this date she went on the night before and the food wasn’t sitting right with her. She asked to use my bathroom and of course I was proud of my new apartment , sparkly clean and cute decorations. Fuck yeah you can use my bathroom ! Make sure you look at all my cool stuff while you do too.

 

20 minutes goes by.... I’m like huh... she’s pooping a lot.

Another 20 minutes.... is she dead ?

*knocks on door*

She says she’ll be right out.

Another 15-20 minutes.

*knocks on door again* Are you good ?

 

She finally cracks the door open .... and goes “uhhhhhhhh you might need to call maintenance.”

My heart drops , and I go “what did you break?”

She says she didn’t break anything....

“Okay so what the fuckin deal get out of my bathroom ?”

She doesn’t wanna get out and starts crying a little bit , and explains how embarrassing the situation is.

 

I was like look bro this is really dramatic it can’t be that bad. I was wrong , it was that bad.

 

This girl literally shit so much in my goddamn toilet , that it wouldn’t flush. Her poop was like literal giant logs that wouldn’t go down the fucking toilet. I was really mad for like two seconds , then I started gagging and laughing. This was the first time as an adult I had to deal with something like this. Maintenance basically said to just squish up the poo and make it flush. Horrible answer right ? She kinda looked at me all sad and I was like “fuck you bro you’re the King Kong shitter around here taking horse shits , you can take care of that I’m not smushing your poop up.”

 

Needless to say , she was mortified , as well as myself. Whenever someone asks to use my bathroom to this day I ask , “you gunna shit and block my toilet up?”

 

What has someone done at your home that blew you away ?

Edited April 8, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[yogirltori17]

What the hell did I just read?!?!?!