Suddenly leaping out of Little Space Vs. involuntary regressing more deeply

[Guest Account deleted]

*INVOLUNTARILY

 

Hello all Please bear with me, this is my first thread. It's a bit long.. Sorry about that. PLEASE remember that English is not my first language, if something doesn't make sense, just ask and I will try to reformulate the best I can. ♥

 

So, since I'm new here, let me explain just this: since the DDLG dynamic is a little bit more "official" between my partner and me, I manage to regress more and my little age is now 4-6 years old. It's very, very pleasant for me, it's like a comforting, warm bubble bath for my brain.. And I'm allowed to play with all the bath toys!! But I'm still exploring and sometimes things don't go as planned.

 

I have read a lot of stuff on this forum. And I'm like most of you. I know the anxiety, the trust issues. I am very lucky because my partner is VERY supportive, he encourages me with unfailing patience. It helps tremendously, but that doesn't mean it's always that easy.

 

SO. This is what I wanted to share: sometimes, when I am in my Little Space, I suddenly become aware of an unusual detail, a word, something that suddenly I don't understand, a doubt, and for whatever reason it frightens me in a way that is not rational and immediately, I leap out of Little Space, to become again the wary, suspicious adult who needs to be in control.

 

But recently, I have noticed another "phenomenon"... Sometimes I fret and instead of making me leap out of Little Space, it makes me regress emotionally further into a young age. Maybe around the age of three, even maybe two years old. And I can't control it. And I have already realized that this a place of extreme insecurity for me. (I suffer from abandonment syndrome related to this age). Sensing that this would be something I was going to have a hard time dealing with, I asked my partner for a sign, a "code" to show him what is happening, that I can't express with words : that the sudden worry, instead of bringing me back to the relatively safer adult zone, propels me deeper in Little Space…

 

It happened last night at bedtime. Something overwhelmed me and I regressed. I couldn't express myself properly, and I used the "signal" to show my partner that I was no longer in control of my emotions. I could feel that I was on the verge of bursting into tears. Of course, as always, and as you might have guessed, a few words from my partner were enough to calm me down, but I still don't know how to understand all this. It's getting frustrating...

 

So my question is simply this: do you experience or have you ever experienced this phenomenon ..? For you, is this something positive? (for example, does the fact that my brain unconsciously allows itself to regress into an area of ​​insecurity tends to show that my trust for my partner is deepening as well?) .. What is the worst for you .. Suddenly leaping out of Little Space or involuntary regressing more deeply (without really wanting it either)?

 

Thanks for your time lovely people ♥

XX

Edited April 25, 2021 by Crafty_Pink_Bee

[DaddysMonkey]

Hello you lovely little buzzing busy bee ! Bees speak English so well for it being their second language , who knew ?!? I only heard a buzz once or twice ^-^ Great thread , and great questions !

 

 

Do you experience or have you ever experienced this phenomenon ..? For you, is this something positive? (for example, does the fact that my brain unconsciously allows itself to regress into an area of ​​insecurity tends to show that my trust for my partner is deepening as well?) ..

 

I do experience the involuntary regress. It’s not necessarily that young , as I’m a middle already to begin with. But things that overwhelm me to an extreme can easily make me shut down and throw me into that insecure younger space your speaking of. As many people know or can conclude from my posts , I’m really outspoken on the regular. Don’t like my opinion ? That sucks , cause they’re like assholes and everyone has one is usually my motto. However , if in in a situation where it reminds me of high school / middle school stressors I kind of shut down. I stand up for other people all the time , but if someone bullies me or lies or does something to betray my friendship ... that outspokenness melts away. I become extremely insecure and it reminds me of the little passive aggressive twats in school. Customers as of late especially put me in situations like this , a lot of people are on edge and can act / speak in pretty horrid ways.

Example ; There is a lot of sexism in my line of work (a lot of people don’t respect women in the vape industry for some reason). I had an older gentleman that was pressuring one of my employees to price match a product we had. So , my employee asks me if it’s okay. I walk over to speak with the customer and explain we only price match with shops in a five mile radius from us , and absolutely do not price match with online pricing. What’s he do ? Completely ignores me and keeps speaking to the male employee.. he begins to give my employee an attitude and shows him online prices. My employee says “we don’t price match online , she just told you that.” Customer glares at me , and then has the audacity to say “well you’re the man so you should make that decision right ?” I got really disheartened, but still tried to stand up for myself and let him know I was the manager and don’t appreciate sexism and we will not be price matching anything for him now. He proceeds to call me a fat donkey , hurl obscenities at me , and throw a fit like a fuckin big baby. Typically , if someone disrespected my employees I’m ready to fight tooth and nail for them and never back down. People don’t have the right to talk to us like that ... standing up for myself ? Pfffft. I just stood there in shock , feeling like I was in middle school again about to snap. My male employee at the time kicked him out of the shop since I was obviously unable to even produce any words. As soon as the customer left , I broke down in tears and hid in the back office for a good hour and cried to my boss about how I’m so sick of people treating me like this just because I have a vagina and uterus. Literally a blubbering idiot talking to my boss on the phone like a six year old that got pushed over on the playground.

 

For me , it’s a terrible experience. If I would have felt “normal” or he wouldn’t have hurled obscenities at me , I would’ve been able to handle it just fine. Feeling like I was a kid again being picked on made me feel and act helpless , and I fuckin hate that. NOBODY IS SUPPOSED TO SEE THE CHINKS IN MY ARMOR.

I do however , think that if it is around your partner and not just with bad experiences that you regress further , its a beautiful thing. Unless of course , it’s become stressful for you when it happens. I agree with what you said / asked , about it meaning you’re developing deeper trust for your partner. Hell , if I met a stranger I wouldn’t regress further around then voluntarily, so getting to be on that level and trust with a partner to where it happens without thinking ... that’s very special in my opinion. A lot of people would be envious of that level of trust. <3

 

What is the worst for you .. Suddenly leaping out of Little Space or involuntary regressing more deeply (without really wanting it either)?

I would have to say involuntary regression is worse for me. Being middle is very fluid for me to begin with , so I’m just all over the place. However , like explained in above scenario .... being thrown into a headspace that’s younger than I prefer is hell for me. It makes me feel weak , vulnerable , helpless. Standing frozen in pure rage , confusion and sadness is something that happened a lot in my childhood. Chaos constantly spinning around my head like a tornado. Having that feeling come back and forced in my brain is literal shit. I would much rather be thrown into adult mode , where I know I can protect and defend myself and cut someone’s soul with my words rather than being teary eyed and looking like a fool who lets people walk all over her. Typically I would say I’m around the 12-16 ish range for my mindset. Full of spunk and attitude. Feeling any younger than that , especially involuntarily brings back terrible memories.

 

 

Thank you for posting this , it made me think about some of the experiences I’ve had and why I felt so stupid and weak. And worked as a good reminder that even if you feel weak or insecure in a moment , it doesn’t have to define you as whole for the future. I’m interested to hear other peoples experiences and opinions on this.

 

Keep being you !

Edited April 26, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[Guest Account deleted]

Hello you lovely little buzzing busy bee ! Bees speak English so well for it being their second language , who knew ?!? I only heard a buzz once or twice ^-^ Great thread , and great questions !

 

(...) I do experience the involuntary regress. It’s not necessarily that young , as I’m a middle already to begin with. But things that overwhelm me to an extreme can easily make me shut down and throw me into that insecure younger space your speaking of. 

 

(...) I do however , think that if it is around your partner and not just with bad experiences that you regress further , its a beautiful thing. Unless of course , it’s become stressful for you when it happens. I agree with what you said / asked , about it meaning you’re developing deeper trust for your partner. Hell , if I met a stranger I wouldn’t regress further around then voluntarily, so getting to be on that level and trust with a partner to where it happens without thinking ... that’s very special in my opinion. A lot of people would be envious of that level of trust. <3

 

(...) I would have to say involuntary regression is worse for me. (...) It makes me feel weak , vulnerable , helpless. (...) Feeling any younger than that , especially involuntarily brings back terrible memories.

 

Thank you for posting this , it made me think about some of the experiences I’ve had and why I felt so stupid and weak. And worked as a good reminder that even if you feel weak or insecure in a moment , it doesn’t have to define you as whole for the future. I’m interested to hear other peoples experiences and opinions on this.

 

Keep being you !

 

Thank you! ♥ With all my heart and happy little soul! ♥

 

And thank you for taking the time to read and answer in such a thorough and thoughtful manner.

 

The story you shared really gave me goosebumps. That anyone ever felt entitled to make you feel that way makes me sick with anger!!! I do understand, about the involuntary regressing. And that is what has been an issue for me lately : realizing that this is a phenomenon triggered by a sudden panic or insecurity. So yes, I completely understand and I am extremely grateful that you shared this so I can at least know I am not the only one to experience it.

 

Yes, so far it has only happened around my partner so, even if it is not a very pleasant, positive experience for me, I feel so relieved when you say it's special, I hope so! What reassures me a little is that I manage to move on pretty peacefully, feeling grateful that my partner responded to my trust in the best and most efficient way: showing respect, patience and concern and all the levels of tenderness he could. Also, I must say it doesn't happen very often. Just when I get suddenly overwhelmed. Usually I really am a quiet Little, happy with her sticker books, paper and crayons so... But I am glad you see it as a sign that I am developing a deeper trust for my partner because it confirms my own observations but hey, you know how it is... If you find no one to agree with you, you're not so sure...

 

I completely agree with you! I feel exactly the same, you describe it perfectly : weak, vulnerable and helpless. And that bothers me. On the other hand.. I sort of feel that this is something to be explored. And knowing I am not alone... I have a wonderful partner that helps me through it, and a wonderful new friend like you who listens and shares her own experience - well, knowing I am not alone makes me feel a lot safer! I don't know if what I'm going to say will make sense at all.. But I think I could manage to find happiness in the helplessness when that happens. A bit like when you take The Ghost Train Ride with that special adult you so totally trust and you know absolutely nothing bad can happen and even though you're scared to death you still enjoy it, you know? 

 

Thank YOU! ♥ And yes that's true. It's just a short moment during which we feel smaller than usual. That's all It doesn't define us. But it feels extremely good to be able to talk it out and learn a little bit more about ourselves. 

 

I shall !!!