Don't assume ghosting after three days

[little1grl]

I just want to tell the Daddy's out there... not to assume ghosting after three days. I was talking to a guy that felt there were a lot of fakes that ghosted him a lot. But I don't think it's as bad as he thinks.

 

I didn't message him for three days because I'm in the middle of a three day move and Ive been eating, breathing and sleeping packing. I also thought I did message him anyway about it but apparently it didn't get sent for some reason. (I did write it maybe I didn't finish or it didn't send). Even so Ive been super busy. But it was only three days.

 

I went to message him today and he deleted his account. I can only assume he got frustrated with girls not responding to him and with what he called fakes. If he had waited a couple of days longer he would have gotten a response from me.

 

So I just wanted to tell the Daddy's out there not to assume a girl or a little is ghosting you after three days. Give it a little longer before you draw that conclusion if you will delete your account. I wish I could tell that Daddy that I was not ghosting him but he never gave me the chance. But I can let other Daddys know so that they don't make the same mistake.

Edited May 14, 2021 by little1grl

[(not) Narancia]

The chance of being ghosted after not getting a reply for 24 hrs is pretty high, but like yourself, people got their lives to live. It's good to remind ourselves not to expect people to prioritize some person on a ddlg forum. It's easy to get caught up in how much fun you're having with someone, but for the love of god people, just keep yourself busy. 

 

Sucks you came back to an empty profile, but i hope your move went well   cheers!

[Pupperoo]

I fully agree. Although sometimes the dialogue before a disappearance really does show you what is happening; not too long ago I had a guy say he would voice chat with me the following day and was super excited about it. The next day he didn't even read my messages, and I didn't see him for 3-4 days before I decided I was done with it. Something might have happened to him, and I realize he didn't owe me a check-in, but given we had made actual plans and he didn't show for days it was a pretty strong indicator to me that he wasn't interested in the end.

So to build on the original point up above I am just going to say that trust your gut and make a non-emotional reading of the situation. If there are plenty of signs they would ghost you (because they have shown lack of interest or they disappear for days despite having shown ''interest'') then you could call it quits, but don't remove people if you don't have to. Things might actually have happened!

[little1grl]

What really got me was that he deleted his account so I never got the chance to explain, either. I have been so crazy busy recently... way more than unusual. Even now, I got three friend requests... I feel bad but two of them were from a week ago! But I have been non-stop busy this whole week. NOW, finally, things are calming down. Finally! It's just been very stressful for the last two weeks.... not just the move but there have been other stuff I've had to deal with this week too. 

Edited May 21, 2021 by little1grl

[Barney048]

People often don't realize what ghosting actually means. Ghosting means disappearing all of a sudden once you've already established a strong connection with someone. If you are just casually chating with someone online and then you stop replying/texting , then that's not ghosting. It's just how the internet (and real life) works. You do not owe any sort of explaination to that person, and vice versa. People get emotionally invested while only doing general small talk, so when the other side doesen't see a connection/spark and they stop replying, they say they've been "ghosted". 

[little1grl]

People often don't realize what ghosting actually means. Ghosting means disappearing all of a sudden once you've already established a strong connection with someone. If you are just casually chating with someone online and then you stop replying/texting , then that's not ghosting. It's just how the internet (and real life) works. You do not owe any sort of explaination to that person, and vice versa. People get emotionally invested while only doing general small talk, so when the other side doesen't see a connection/spark and they stop replying, they say they've been "ghosted".

Ah I didn't know that. But still it's frustrating when someone gets all worked up because I didn't respond for three days and then they delete their account so I can't respond. I was in the middle of the move. It makes me think... if he had been patient...but I guess you know sometimes people don't respond right away sometimes because life happens.

 

You know that could go for ghosting too you know. Perhaps most cases of ghosting (by your definition) are not really good and the person is being cruel and ignoring you. But you know there could in rare circumstances be real, life happened, reasons why a person doesn't respond for a long time.

 

For example perhaps they got into a car crash and are in the hospital. Perhaps it's more likely that they just chose to ignore you and ghost you... but you know if you delete your account or block them then you will never give them that chance to respond if something like that is the case. Even if it's a rare occurrence.

[Barney048]

Exactly , life happens and you don't respond for a long time. Let's say that this Dom you were talking to held a significal place in ur life, and you were emotionally invested into whatever kind of relationship you might have had. You probably would have given him a heads up , saying "Hey , I'm durring a move and will be really busy the next few days, so it may take me a while to reply" , so that he doesen't worry, right? But since he was just somebody you barely got to know , you didn't feel the need to mention this to him, which is completely normal. People in our lives have a certain hierarchy, based on which we determine how we treat them and the information we share with them. A lot of people are unaware of that and want to be treated as if they are on top of that pyramid for every person, which is unreasonable to say the least. So ofcourse they'll get hurt and lash out.

[Guest AlisonS23]

I think it’s weird he deleted his account after that. I’m surprised he didn’t move on to the next little who did respond. Ya know? Like most guys if they don’t get a response one place they usually have a few other girls they can talk to. Reach out to. It just seems fishy. But yeah at least you tried to drop him a line and say look I’ll be busy. Don’t expect a response the next few days. Communication is so important.

[Guest Bearnana]

I also agree, although ghosting is very common nowadays it should not be something to bring you down. Always think positively and go with the ocean that is life, I like to say I am just a banana floating in the ocean. Life happens whenever it can to do whatever it wants. I feel not everyone is going to check this everyday or get notifications for things right away. So as a new member coming in I am focusing on enjoying my time and reading my fellow caregiver's experiences and questions. 

One thing to note, some Caregivers feel incredibly lost and lose all motivation for things without a little. I personally used to be super effected by this, I would be miserable by myself but the important thing is to grow and continue growing. It may be hard but you'll find enjoyment in your dynamic by focusing on the little things. Especially if you're interacting with your peers.

[Righan]

No offense to this 'daddy' but anyone who gets worked up because someone doesn't talk to them in three days isn't mature enough to be a daddy ... people have lives ... the problem is his, not yours ... and you are better off with out him ... yes, it sucks that he might have had his feelings hurt but its not on you ... and you are actually better off, because someone who reacts like that is going to bring a lot of other nonsense into your life ... its not bad to try to remind us Daddy's to be adult about our relationships ... particularly people who struggle with that ... but we are supposed to be the patient and emotionally stable ones ... its our job to keep our little girls (or boys) from getting worked up over things and to stay the course ... not the other way around. If someone is a daddy and they can't handle that ... then its good to hear this message ... because they do need to get that in their heads ... to accept that the world doesn't revolve around them ... that they are the rock that is patient and calm and stable ... it is the little one who churns like the river ... and that's a good point too ... little ones are turbulent by nature ... stuff comes up ... their lives get out of control ... their emotions get out of control ... and that is why they need caregivers to keep them stable ... so yes ... caregivers get abandoned because little ones lives get complicated and they get swept away sometimes ... particularly when the relationship is new and they don't have much to keep them anchored too you ... (like alternate ways to communicate)  ... if a caregiver is expecting a ddlg relationship to work like a generic person meets person relationship .... then they are pretty green ... and maybe eventually they will get some experience and understand ... or maybe not ... some people just don't get what it is to be a caregiver ... they might think they do ... but you can't learn what it is from TV or porn or erotic fiction ... that's all fiction ... and unfortunately, that tends to be where a lot of people who use the term 'daddy' or 'mommy' get their ideas about what it is ... and I don't mean to be critical or judgemental of caregivers here ... I try not to impose my idea of the 'right way' on people ... but on the other hand, I feel it is unacceptable that a person who called themselves a daddy to make a little one feel bad for living her life ... be better ..

[wolfdaddy]

I had a little I was emotionally into ghost me after about three months of talking. One day everything was normal the next day all her accounts and content everywhere was deleted, including on the messaging platform we used. It seemed so out of character for her because she was a really wonderful person. And so it hurt and was confusing. Three weeks later I got a message from her. She was posting nudes, lived in a small town, and had acquired a stalker. It was really serious - like police and a private investigator serious. And she had to come out to her parents (a baptist pastor and his wife) about what their perfect little girl had been doing on the net. Such a traumatic time for her and the police etc advised she nuke everything and stay away from the internet. We went on to have a beautiful incredible relationship online for over a year. Yeah so you should never assume if someone disappears that they have ghosted. Anything could have happened. I personally would never ghost someone but it happens. It is really cruel if it happens after a relationship has started and feelings are real, but there is absolutely a hierarchy here. If you’ve just been chatting and you know it’s not going anywhere you might just ghost. Especially if you are a woman and have done the right thing in the past only to have the other person be immature and shitty about it. Unfortunately it’s the experience for many women in particular who’ve had to deal with guys who can’t take ‘rejection’ in a mature and balanced way.

[wolfdaddy]

I had a little I was emotionally into ghost me after about three months of talking. One day everything was normal the next day all her accounts and content everywhere was deleted, including on the messaging platform we used. It seemed so out of character for her because she was a really wonderful person. And so it hurt and was confusing. Three weeks later I got a message from her. She was posting nudes, lived in a small town, and had acquired a stalker. It was really serious - like police and a private investigator serious. And she had to come out to her parents (a baptist pastor and his wife) about what their perfect little girl had been doing on the net. Such a traumatic time for her and the police etc advised she nuke everything and stay away from the internet. We went on to have a beautiful incredible relationship online for over a year. Yeah so you should never assume if someone disappears that they have ghosted. Anything could have happened. I personally would never ghost someone but it happens. It is really cruel if it happens after a relationship has started and feelings are real, but there is absolutely a hierarchy here. If you’ve just been chatting and you know it’s not going anywhere you might just ghost. Especially if you are a woman and have done the right thing in the past only to have the other person be immature and shitty about it. Unfortunately it’s the experience for many women in particular who’ve had to deal with guys who can’t take ‘rejection’ in a mature and balanced way.

[SafeSpaceDaddyStephen]

I fully agree. Although sometimes the dialogue before a disappearance really does show you what is happening; not too long ago I had a guy say he would voice chat with me the following day and was super excited about it. The next day he didn't even read my messages, and I didn't see him for 3-4 days before I decided I was done with it. Something might have happened to him, and I realize he didn't owe me a check-in, but given we had made actual plans and he didn't show for days it was a pretty strong indicator to me that he wasn't interested in the end.

 

So to build on the original point up above I am just going to say that trust your gut and make a non-emotional reading of the situation. If there are plenty of signs they would ghost you (because they have shown lack of interest or they disappear for days despite having shown ''interest'') then you could call it quits, but don't remove people if you don't have to. Things might actually have happened!

[SafeSpaceDaddyStephen]

You are 1000% right, but know this pretty Little ones

Many immature Doms that think their Daddys are not

Their just bullies

So to ghost you for a few days is just an immature ploy to see 9f you'll beg for their attention

From these RUN RUN RUN they'll never be good for Littles, maybe for fetish subs but not Littles

Being the boss does not a Daddy make

Yes a Daddy can correct his babby girl, she wants and needs him to

But a true Daddy isn't about punishment, it's about protecting

It's about loving

Littles NEED SECURITY not ghosting

[Guest BigDaddyDominant]

SafeSpaceDaddyStephen here here I could not have put it any better. Your right about protection my little knows I'm fiercely protective of her and she has had to talk me down on occasion. Does it make me any better as a Daddy IDK but it helps her and to me that's all that matters.

 

Those boys that ghost you are far from Daddys or true Doms.Please don't spend your time or emotional energy on them when there's so much more and better out there for you.

 

When it comes to "ghosting" my rule of thumb is if I haven't heard from them in two weeks its time to move on. Not sure that will help at all but for me its a good rule of thumb. Like a poster said they could be busy with life doing any number of things.

Edited September 12, 2021 by BigDaddyDominant

[Littlecutecookie]

People forget that others have a life. You can't predict everything ! Sometimes life gets in the way and you can't do anything about it.

[Dorian_JE1]

A 1 minute message is not asking much in the space of 3 days, I’m sorry but no one is that busy…I understand it from his point of view to be honest.

[Bearman]

Three days is really really long. Taking a minute to say "Hey I'm busy, I'll be back soon okay?" should be within the possibility of everyone. Or warn someone ahead of time that things might get busy.

Edited September 17, 2021 by Bearman

[Guest Curiousowl2097]

Huh...interesting. so if a guy deletes the coversation you had with him on telegram, blocks you from everywhere and blocks your number after promising you he's video calling th next day and making plans to see to over the weekedna and actually saying i love you..is that ghosting? Also..why have i been laughing since the moment he blocked me? It was literally as if i expected it. And he told me to be needy, to literally need him, and then..poof! Is that was an attempt at sociopathy, it was such a poorly executed one! I would've waited until i was at the train station and then ghosted me, honestly that would've impressed me more than this laziness. If you want to be a psychopath..like..do it properly?

[little1grl]

Three days is really really long. Taking a minute to say "Hey I'm busy, I'll be back soon okay?" should be within the possibility of everyone. Or warn someone ahead of time that things might get busy.

I actually wrote a message to him explaining the move, but only got half-way through it before I was interrupted, and never got a chance to finish and send it (though I thought I had sent it for some reason). Since I was way behind on the move, and had to have a friend come over to help me pack to make the movers on time, and I stayed up packing last minute every night until bed and literally did nothing else... (I ate, slept, packed, showered, and used the bathroom...literally thats it) then, yeah, there is such a thing as not having the time to write a message. I didn't even have time to think about anything else. People have lives. There is this "instant gratification" thing going on... this "now now now" thing that many people expect.

[PapabearNYC]

Being ghosted is a form of rejection. And that’s fine. We all get rejected. How well someone takes rejection is a good sign of how well they respect consent. Someone who gets overly upset about being ghosted/rejected is giving off a red flag that at some point they will get upset when they are told no.

 

I think you dodged a bullet.

[RavenclawPrincess]

Being ghosted is a form of rejection. And that’s fine. We all get rejected. How well someone takes rejection is a good sign of how well they respect consent. Someone who gets overly upset about being ghosted/rejected is giving off a red flag that at some point they will get upset when they are told no.

 

I think you dodged a bullet.

 

This is my take on it as well. To be blunt, no one owes us anything by default. Life happens and sometimes circumstances make it so that an explanation can't always be given right away. There's any number of reasons that someone could disappear for a period of time (particularly health reasons, such as a migraine where it isn't even possible to be on the phone/computer just to give an example) that doesn't actually involve being an asshole. Rejection is a fact of life and I think there's circumstances where a lot of people take it far too seriously, such as someone disappearing when they weren't actively in a relationship to begin with. 

 

While it's more polite to offer an explanation before leaving, it's still perfectly valid for someone to not want to pursue a friendship/relationship/whatever and bounce. Again, no one owes us anything by default. Honestly, there's an overwhelming sense of false entitlement that people seem to have these days. It sounds like OP had a little mishap with sending a message about the move, but at the end of the day OP still had a good reason for being socially unavailable. Moving takes time and is a valid reason to be offline. On my end, I tend to be very alarmed and put off by people that don't understand/respect that I need space sometimes for a number of legitimate reasons. Anyone that gets butthurt over it is probably too insecure to hang with me, so from my perspective I absolutely agree that a bullet was dodged. Personally my first thought is "something must have come up and maybe I'll hear from so-and-so some other time", and I kinda don't get people that freak out over lapses in communication from someone that's essentially a stranger online. 

Edited November 23, 2021 by RavenclawPrincess

[Guest Teasing Tink]

Sounds more like *you* were the one who was ghosted, because three days is nothing. And he deleted his account? Sounds like a total overreaction. Plus, it sounds like you were in the stages of only just getting to know each other, which makes it even more of an overreaction. I personally wouldn't assume I was being ghosted by someone unless I had a real connection with the person and it had been at least a month or more (depending on the person and their patterns). But if we were to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he just got fed up in general (not with you personally), and decided to delete it. Who knows.

Edited November 23, 2021 by Teasing Tink

[Dutch Daddy Bear]

Call me old fashioned but I think whether going off radar for three days without a heads up is just impolite. I know you tried to send a message, but that message never reached him. So from his perspective I would consider it impolite.

 

I notice a lot of people being supportive to you, which is good. But since he had mentioned his bad experiences with ghosting I also believe you should have been more thorough in checking whether that message arrived.

 

From what I understand you found the chat as you left it days before, only to find out his account had been deleted and no message from his side. Which is even more impolite if you ask me, though there could have been a lot of reasons for that as well.

 

The positive side of it is that you won't have to wait whether that message will get read, or when read left unanswered. Even though this is a bad experience, since noone wants to be abandoned, you can move on.

I really hope you find a way to leave this behind you, since I think you have also seen how someone can become overly touchy on this topic and I don't wish that upon you.

[burritobaby]

No offense to this 'daddy' but anyone who gets worked up because someone doesn't talk to them in three days isn't mature enough to be a daddy ... people have lives ... the problem is his, not yours ... and you are better off with out him ... yes, it sucks that he might have had his feelings hurt but its not on you ... and you are actually better off, because someone who reacts like that is going to bring a lot of other nonsense into your life ... its not bad to try to remind us Daddy's to be adult about our relationships ... particularly people who struggle with that ... but we are supposed to be the patient and emotionally stable ones ... its our job to keep our little girls (or boys) from getting worked up over things and to stay the course ... not the other way around. If someone is a daddy and they can't handle that ... then its good to hear this message ... because they do need to get that in their heads ... to accept that the world doesn't revolve around them ... that they are the rock that is patient and calm and stable ... it is the little one who churns like the river ... and that's a good point too ... little ones are turbulent by nature ... stuff comes up ... their lives get out of control ... their emotions get out of control ... and that is why they need caregivers to keep them stable ... so yes ... caregivers get abandoned because little ones lives get complicated and they get swept away sometimes ... particularly when the relationship is new and they don't have much to keep them anchored too you ... (like alternate ways to communicate)  ... if a caregiver is expecting a ddlg relationship to work like a generic person meets person relationship .... then they are pretty green ... and maybe eventually they will get some experience and understand ... or maybe not ... some people just don't get what it is to be a caregiver ... they might think they do ... but you can't learn what it is from TV or porn or erotic fiction ... that's all fiction ... and unfortunately, that tends to be where a lot of people who use the term 'daddy' or 'mommy' get their ideas about what it is ... and I don't mean to be critical or judgemental of caregivers here ... I try not to impose my idea of the 'right way' on people ... but on the other hand, I feel it is unacceptable that a person who called themselves a daddy to make a little one feel bad for living her life ... be better ..

This is honestly so true. I've had similar experiences like the other littles on here and it sucks because things do come up. It makes it increasingly hard to find a CG because of how disheartening the whole process can seem when CGs think they are being ghosted