Don't assume ghosting after three days

[Guest Bearnana]

This is honestly so true. I've had similar experiences like the other littles on here and it sucks because things do come up. It makes it increasingly hard to find a CG because of how disheartening the whole process can seem when CGs think they are being ghosted

It's the needed understanding that life does go on when these interactions happen. It truly does suck for both parties involved to end up on bad terms due to impatience and poor communication.

[Guest Sunshine_ButterflyFairy]

I've went through this before when it was just beginning for me getting into the DD/lg lifestyle. We both we're talking and everything was going great, or I thought it was. Both of us we're talking for awhile too, and than he ghosted me. Never gave me a reason or anything. I was completely upset by it at first, I eventually got over it. Completely understand if things come up though and if people get busy. We all have lives, work, college, etc. I wrote to him one last time, just trying to leave things on a positive note saying, it was really nice getting to know him and I hope he finds a "little" that would work better for him. None of us fought or got into an argument, he simply just ghosted me. Now when I think about it more, he most likely lost interest or something, but it could have been anything. Anytime it happens now though, I simply just let it go. There's no sense of cashing after someone who clearly isn't interested in you, you know? This is just my interest alone though.

Edited January 4, 2022 by Sunshine_ButterflyFairy

[Minxy]

Sadly sometimes others don't understand that life does happen and doesn't just stop when we start talking to one another. life has its ups and downs and things go on and happen we can't just STOP it. life doesn't work that way. 

[DaddyDomination]

3-7 days silence is lame games people play during Puberty. Maybe it's acceptable if you're climbing Everest. Or you're in a legit War Zone. That's about it. 

[Guest Zyphurex]

A sociopath would string you a long far longer. More charisma, more game playing. In your case, (based on the assumption that this would be your first video chat) it's most likely a person presenting a false image. When faced with reality they have no option but to ghost or succumb to the humiliation. Self-hatred, insecurity, low-self esteem-all are traits that often result in ghosting. 

 

Huh...interesting. so if a guy deletes the coversation you had with him on telegram, blocks you from everywhere and blocks your number after promising you he's video calling th next day and making plans to see to over the weekedna and actually saying i love you..is that ghosting? Also..why have i been laughing since the moment he blocked me? It was literally as if i expected it. And he told me to be needy, to literally need him, and then..poof! Is that was an attempt at sociopathy, it was such a poorly executed one! I would've waited until i was at the train station and then ghosted me, honestly that would've impressed me more than this laziness. If you want to be a psychopath..like..do it properly?

[Kitten&Spice]

So I have a view point on this! Conversation works both way! I have had some people stop talking all of a sudden and a quick message to them let’s me know if they are still around just busy! Like she mentioned before she typed a message but it didn’t get sent. Simply put all that needed to be done was a quick message being sent asking how they are or if they were busy.

 

My rule of thumb is that if the conversation is getting boring and you sent a message and they never responded or picked up the conversation then it’s best to say to move on. It shouldn’t be expected for one person to start the conversation each time or to be the one expected to carry a conversation! I see that when a person shows interest they will make the effort to communicate!

Edited April 14, 2022 by Kitten&Spice

[Guest DrKraves]

My general rule is if you reply I reply, but there are moments and events you can be busy yes. But in this general day and age and as someone who has worked over 60 hours in one work week a simple one line text can circumvent a misunderstanding of ghosting and isn't something that could take longer than 5 minutes. A simple "Hey I am going to be really swamped with over time, so If I don't reply right away or in a steady fashion I am not ignoring you."

It's all fun and games to say "heck you're better off" but even if you're not the one emotionally invested but the other person is, a sudden abrupt change of talking to complete silence can really trigger people's traumas out there for ghosting. Communication is always always key. Don't feel the spark? Or any other reason that could possibly come out there. Say something, it provides a mutual ground for understanding and closure for someone who thought a relationship was going to happen. Mutual ground is the best ground and I mean relationship as any relationship, friendship, pals, or whatever. 
 

Edited April 14, 2022 by DrKraves

[Harlee-qwinnie]

3-7 days silence is lame games people play during Puberty. Maybe it's acceptable if you're climbing Everest. Or you're in a legit War Zone. That's about it. 

This made me laugh out loud!  Legit laughing "Puberty"..giggle

[Harlee-qwinnie]

Wow.  Lots of responses and people on both sides of the topic.  Several of them made me chuckle, and one made me LOL.  I can see it both ways, actually.  I think you're better off, and I also think there have been enough responses to help you deal with the fall-out of it.  It's good to see that so many people on here have stepped up to help this community better understand such situations.  Really good advice for all of us to take-away.

 

~Little Harlee

[gentledaddydom1988]

If 3 days' silence occurs in the very first week of communication, then I'm guessing it'd very most likely be a ghosting, especially if the conversation never moved to any real-time chatting apps or voice calls, etc. But if there's been more time with an established connection, and depending on the speed/rhythm of communication, then 3 days is definitely not enough to rightfully assume ghosting, or worse, assume the other person is a fake.

 

The above being said, ghosting is very frustrating on the receiving end, but it's just a sad and common and largely unavoidable part of life. If I've just started talking to someone, but I don't hear from her again in more than a few days (unless she gave me advance warning), then I simply prioritize whomever else I may be talking to or bump/repost my personal(s) (depending on what website I'm using). I state my communication wants upfront, so there should be no surprises. But even then, I still get let down and/or ghosted a lot more than I'd like. I get that everyone (including me) has busy lives or sometimes things happen or get in the way, but even the bare minimum of communication, such as a one-liner, shouldn't be too hard.

 

If caregivers and littles alike could show consistent respect in communication, then maybe ghosting wouldn't seem like such an epidemic. I don't know--might be just wishful thinking on my part. Reading all the other responses in the thread, I can see both sides, and I definitely feel in OP's case, that particular guy overreacted in deleting his account.

[Munchlax Middle]

THIS! I didn't talk to one guy for 2 days and he assumed I was ghosting. I find the expectation for immediate daily conversation to be daunting and intimidating. I have anxiety, and I have a few people I feel comfortable talking to on a daily basis. Thankfully, I have my Daddy who has always treated me well. I'm polyamorous, though, and all of this makes me hesitate to bother with meeting other dominants outside of him.

[PocketSand]

Ok I know this topic is old but I wanted to drop my 2 cents in the ghosting situation.

 

Even if you're busy if you can take a few seconds out of your day to say something. Having a guy wait 3 days and then saying if he waited a little longer you would have said something is just rude.

 

3 days is a long time and guys get ghosted a lot trust me I know.... And to be frank I wouldn't have waited that long for a response. If you don't value my time I'm not going to bother wasting it on you.

 

Also I know people are busy and can't respond right away. But again having someone wait several days just goes to show how you really feel about them.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

For 3 days it may seem extreme.I usually wait around a week, but it depends on the person too. I'd this done to me but I let it go on for a bit longer. I'm not used on letting people guessing what's up when I have the chance. I usually check in to tell them I'll get busy. I'm sorry this has happened to you in any case. It's not a nice feeling and you're left with lots of questions. Just don't cast the blame on yourself.

 

Edited July 8, 2022 by SpacePrincess66
Better point about the topic in question

[WigglyBun]

No flack to anyone with different views than mine. Just my thoughts.

I've been in online communities for over 20 years now, to me I see it as common courtesy & basic respect to let people you are actively talking to or talk to on a regular basis know that you might be busy or gone/not replying for a longer period of time than normal. Even more so when it's someone you are talking to that you would like (or they want you) to become a big part of their life (ddlg for an example lol). If someone can't spend less than a minute to open an app or a website to quickly say they will be gone a few days that speaks volumes to me personally (and don't even come at me about a site loading slow or something unless you have sat through screeching dial-up for years of your life and pages taking minutes to fully load lol). Some friends I can go a lot longer and not have to say anything, but when you are forming new relationships with people, whether it be online or in person, neither of you fully know what to expect from the other, or what their daily life is like, so a simple "I'm usually busy Friday morning but we can talk in the evenings" or "It's a busy week, I'll message you in a few days when things aren't so hectic" goes a long ways. These are things you learn as you get to know someone, which takes time & effort from both parties.

That being said, life gets in the way sometimes. Sometimes we think we hit send, sometimes technology is being a butt, sometimes things happen that are out of our control and people should also be understanding of that. Something to remember is that even if we talk to someone or see them every day, we never truly know what is going on with a person and what their life circumstances are there.

[beanbean]

i don't know if the time matters three days,three weeks most likely if your geting ghosted there will be signs for sure.there are most of they are there we just don't want to see them

Edited June 25, 2022 by beanbean

[despairing]

Normally with ghosting  you have multiple  signs in my experience.  But only  three days I would have waited for an explanation but not everyone is like that. 

But then again  you will make time for people and things that matters most .

Everyone is different

[Urzeus]

Not sure if this belongs on here but I was talking to a little who a few days ago asked me to be her daddy,  then as of last night has seemingly blocked me on discord and also unfollowed me on here, I'm really not sure what to think as I was and still do think we were really getting along well

[Baby Bat]

I wouldn't get upset over 3 days. I am constantly telling my friends but to apologize for not having text me or whatever for a few days or even a few weeks. Some of them have kids, some of them run or are starting their own businesses or practices. Maybe someone in their life had a mishap or got sick and they've been caring for that person. 

The point is, I want my people to have robust fulfilling lives. And I don't always know everything that's going on with them, so I try not to jump to conclusions. 

[Urzeus]

Okay thanks

[LeanBlaster]

Honestly i understand both sides, sometimes you are busy or forget to come check here, but here the thing, nobody is busy 3 full days, you can very well send a message if you wanted while you were peeing for exemple or before heading to your room to sleep etc, it also correlates with your interest towards who you are talking with, forgetfulness or anxiety because we know many people have anxiety too.

The thing is, many people will either not mind or get hurt by it if it happens, every action has a effect, if you do that constantly then the one that gets hurt or sad about it wont be a good match for you, and thats okey, everyone is different not everything works. 

Been talking with someone that has been just one message per week, do i believe they could find a tiny spot to message back between their break, pee time or before bed? yep. will i hold it against them? nop. they are like that and nothing i can do about it, maybe we arent very compatible because of something like that since communication is something i value a lot. will i be sad? a bit, its a shame its another person that is not meant to be but i still wish them a happy life and that they find someone they will connect.

Life sucks i just want it to suck less, i wont be ''eye for an eye'' for every little thing. nothing is absolute and 100 percent correct.  

[MøMø]

Recently the relationship I was in I got ghosted and there's actually a lot I've learned from this people ghosting this time around and how both partners can manage things to not let it happen. First I wanna discuss the simple concept of how to end the topic of ghosting which is as easy as communicating. In your case you tried to do the right thing which was send them a message which btw I appreciate because that's all it takes I think most people are okay with there partner going off the radar for a few days even weeks as long as they have a heads up and in most cases are even supportive of it. But I do see his perspective of it when not getting the message, all in all it was just miss communication on both ends and it's unfortunate I'm sorry you had to go through this but believe me when I say these things make us stronger as individuals. 

I would like to share my recent experience, not only to vent about it but also cause I'm sure there are things others can take away from this situation. I was talking to a little for roughly 4 months, it was somewhat LDR as we lived 2 hours away from each other, I went to go visit her and I thought things were going well. Prior to this meetup she showed no signs of not being interested in me and even during the meet up there were no signs from my knowledge that she wasn't interested. I know she was going through some things that recently came up as I was down there which were mainly family related, again I tried to be supportive of it and gave her some space. A week went by with no responses and I was starting to get worried and I feel like this is where most people freak out right? I tried to keep a level head cause I know how I can get when I start to panic and it's always been a hinderance of mine in these cases. The thing that made it clear to me that she was ghosting me was her daily posting on snapchat. Now this is where I gave up and I know some might say "Well you know she's going through some tough times so it shouldn't be a big deal right?" Well for me it is a big deal and I don't think a simple "Hey, I'm going through a lot right now so I'm just gonna need a couple of days to recoup" is very difficult because being in a relationship does take work and it takes work from both sides and if my partner can mentally be stable to post consistently on social media then it sorta puts a vibe to me that I'm less important of a support system. I tried to message her again to ask if she was okay and was only met with more silence and snapchat posts of her doing her daily routine. 


Here are a few things that I took away from these situations, first off communication is very very important and I can't stress this enough, I know to some people there is anxiety and fear involved on the response of things  and just talking about there problems but this also ties into what more people need to be looking for in a partner which is more understanding about certain situations.

Secondly, it taught me patience, which I guess I really haven't had with "ghosting" before I've been on the other side of things where I assume someone is ghosting me after not responding for a few days. I've learned that by blocking or removing someone from your life is also a form of ghosting even if  you think you're the one being ghosted, as justifying as it sounds to just delete someone that you think is ghosting you because you really don't know what's going on in there life. I think the better alternative for people who think they are being ghosted is to just take a step back mentally, start focusing on different things inside your life and just be patient. If they are actually ghosting you then eventually they'll remove or block you themselves but in the case that they aren't ghosting you and just going through it they'll come back to explain the situation. 

Lastly it taught me to pay attention to signs, even the smallest things, as humans we miss things just based on interpretation of a message. I'm going to assume this also correlates to your situation on the premise that I guess you probably already told them that you were moving, which is a big deal and a lot of work so they rightfully should have stayed cool in this situation. At the end of the day you tried to do the right thing and given the time I'm sure you would have continued to do the right thing and explained the situation further. Again I'm sorry you had to go through this and I understand where you're coming from, being counter ghosted when you weren't even ghosting in the first place is very frustrating.

If you're reading this I'm sorry it was such a ramble but this "ghosting" in of itself and communication is a important topic in my life, I'm just hoping some people can learn from my past mistakes and mistakes of others. As a community we need to come together more instead of distancing ourselves further apart.

P.S. If anyone reading this has wrongfully ghosted someone before shame on you, ghosting may not hurt you but it sure as hell stings the person that just had someone important to them get thanos snapped from existence. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk, have good day :3

 

[Cebakes]

I’m sorry, ghosting someone is feckless. It’s easy to write a one or two sentence note and say goodbye, this isn’t working out, or I have some things going on and need  space.  It’s the decent thing to do.

[moondust mochi]

My general opinion on ghosting is simple: it's not ghosting if you've been warned. Shit happens, life happens and the best approach that I've learned over the years is to that when I start chatting with someone new, within the first few messages, I'll make sure to make it clear that I'm going to have some gaps in my dialogue. I'm human, and sometimes, I don't log into the Forum daily. Sometimes, it'll be over a week. I have memory issues and I can't tell you the number of times that I just forget to reply at all to people whom I talk to daily. So, instead of falling into this trap of "Oh, I need to be available and accessible every day in order to make this other person feel respected", I'll usually just be upfront about the fact that I go dark sometimes. That way, it's their choice to continue engaging if they want to with the knowledge that I'm gonna have quiet periods. 

[Barney048]

I see this topic is still trending ,so I'll add a controversial opinion. If you've been ghosted it's your fault in 90% of cases. Sure, those 10% did everything right, but the other person just turned out to have their own issues/insecurities or was simply an ass.

 

However, in most cases it's the person's own fault. You ignore the red flags that a blind person would see, and cling on to a couple redeeming qualities. You rush to build something overnight. You discuss your future together when you haven't even talked face to face yet. ....

 

It annoys me when people whine about being ghosted, because they never self-reflect, but just expect unconditional support and assign blame to the other party. 

[SmolAetherr]

On 7/7/2022 at 6:56 PM, Urzeus said:

Not sure if this belongs on here but I was talking to a little who a few days ago asked me to be her daddy,  then as of last night has seemingly blocked me on discord and also unfollowed me on here, I'm really not sure what to think as I was and still do think we were really getting along well

how long were you two talking before she asked?

regardless, its happens if she didnt give your the respect of closure or a parting message before blocking you its really not worth the mental real estate

give what you recieve