Supporting Daddy.

[moondust mochi]

hi everyone! sparrow here.

my Daddy and i switch in the bedroom,

but lately i’ve been noticing that She gets burnt out mentally a lot

and so i decided to talk to Her about it.

She expressed to me that even though we switch sexually,

She feels like She always has to be “on” and in control

so She’s struggling to let go and let me take care of Her and recharge Her

— even if that’s what we both desperately want.

 

it’s hard for Her to switch off that Dominant brain and let me take care of Her for a while,

even if She’s getting burnt out from it.

has anyone else gone through this with their partner?

any advice on how to help Daddy feel like She can let go of that tight leash of control and relax into me a little bit sometimes?

Edited June 27, 2021 by Sparrow

[Guest Account deleted]

Hello Sparrow!  

 

First, I would like to tell you that I truly, very sincerely admire you for being so thoughtful and generous toward your Daddy!

That shows amazing emotional maturity and makes a wonderful example to follow, thank you! ♥

 

As for your concern at hand, I just would like to hint a suggestion that might help. It is extremely difficult for me to explain this in English and I do hope everything makes sense..

 

I personally think that "letting go" is a slow process and not only is it a mental process but it is also a physical process. Sometimes the mind switches but not the body, or vice versa, and that's when it gets really hard because you can never fully reach that mental state you're seeking. The way our body reacts it tightly linked to the messages sent by our brain, a bit like a whole train is started, powered by the steam locomotive… And it takes time to slow down, or reverse and change direction. If there is nothing around your Daddy that will physically prompt that change, a part of her is likely to stay in Dominant mode and trigger a lot of struggling because she will be constantly forcing herself to be what she's not.

 

That's why I would suggest to create a tangible ritual for yourself and your Daddy. Something that would send the right message to her brain, so it starts releasing the right chemicals in her body so her whole being can fully engage in a different role.

 

This is an example, so maybe I can be a bit clearer: choose together an object that is neither hers not yours. It belongs to the both of you and represents dominance/control/caring (a card, a key, a ring, etc). Sit facing each other, your daddy holding that object. Let her give you the object and say aloud that she wants you and allows you to take control (switch mentally) then you both get up and take the other's seat (switch physically). Confirm that you want and take control by saying it aloud. Take a time to relax into the feelings it will convey and right after that, you Sparrow get to suggest an activity that will formalize your temporary control (a cuddle, a bath, a nap, or whatever best fits your unique relationship). 

 

A ritual of candles could also be effective. Sit at the table, each with a candle placed in front of you. Your partner has a burning candle, yours is out. Your partner puts you in control by lighting your candle with hers, then putting out her own candle to symbolize the voluntary, temporary loss of control.

 

I really hope my English didn't fail me and that what I said makes sense and helps a little. Xxxx - Bee

[moondust mochi]

Hello Sparrow!

 

First, I would like to tell you that I truly, very sincerely admire you for being so thoughtful and generous toward your Daddy!

That shows amazing emotional maturity and makes a wonderful example to follow, thank you! ♥

 

As for your concern at hand, I just would like to hint a suggestion that might help. It is extremely difficult for me to explain this in English and I do hope everything makes sense..

 

I personally think that "letting go" is a slow process and not only is it a mental process but it is also a physical process. Sometimes the mind switches but not the body, or vice versa, and that's when it gets really hard because you can never fully reach that mental state you're seeking. The way our body reacts it tightly linked to the messages sent by our brain, a bit like a whole train is started, powered by the steam locomotive… And it takes time to slow down, or reverse and change direction. If there is nothing around your Daddy that will physically prompt that change, a part of her is likely to stay in Dominant mode and trigger a lot of struggling because she will be constantly forcing herself to be what she's not.

 

That's why I would suggest to create a tangible ritual for yourself and your Daddy. Something that would send the right message to her brain, so it starts releasing the right chemicals in her body so her whole being can fully engage in a different role.

 

This is an example, so maybe I can be a bit clearer: choose together an object that is neither hers not yours. It belongs to the both of you and represents dominance/control/caring (a card, a key, a ring, etc). Sit facing each other, your daddy holding that object. Let her give you the object and say aloud that she wants you and allows you to take control (switch mentally) then you both get up and take the other's seat (switch physically). Confirm that you want and take control by saying it aloud. Take a time to relax into the feelings it will convey and right after that, you Sparrow get to suggest an activity that will formalize your temporary control (a cuddle, a bath, a nap, or whatever best fits your unique relationship). 

 

A ritual of candles could also be effective. Sit at the table, each with a candle placed in front of you. Your partner has a burning candle, yours is out. Your partner puts you in control by lighting your candle with hers, then putting out her own candle to symbolize the voluntary, temporary loss of control.

 

I really hope my English didn't fail me and that what I said makes sense and helps a little. Xxxx - Bee

 

thank you so much, Bee! 

this was super great advice, and i appreciated the praise. 

 

Daddy and i actually talked about physically "taking" the control from a physical objects, and that seems to be working so far. 

[Guest Account deleted]

 

thank you so much, Bee! 

this was super great advice, and i appreciated the praise. 

 

Daddy and i actually talked about physically "taking" the control from a physical objects, and that seems to be working so far. 

 

 

Sparrow, thank you so much for the positive feedback! And that's great news, I am super happy for you both!! With lots of hugs, have a great day! Xxx -Bee

[LittlePupRune]

Something I know my partner enjoys to "turn off" is restricting the amount of stimuli He takes in, so He has me put the straightjacket on Him, sometimes a hood, and just sit quietly for a period of time. You could potentially try starting small with something like that and showing that you can take care of her in that moment, maybe by giving her some water or a snack, and work up the time spent like that. It could be a form of trust exercise, and you could consider having her vocalize in the moment the anxieties she is processing. But quite honestly I'd suggest just starting small and working up.