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Littles with partners reaching out in secret


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I’ve had a few littles reach out only to find that they’re in relationships and their partners don’t know they’re doing this. Typically it’s something along these lines of their needs aren’t being met and they’ve talked it through with their partners and their partners can’t/won’t meet their needs. So the relationship is in disarray.


It’s a situation as old as time that someone in a vanilla relationship might reach out to a dom/daddy to give them what their primary partner can’t. But this must (in my opinion) be done ethically and with the enthusiastic consent of their primary partner.


I think any daddy who would take on the role of an affair partner is not the kind of daddy you want to be dealing with.


I’ve seen these kinds of relationships go 3 ways:


1. The little considers the costs of not expressing that side of themselves against the love and benefits of the relationship and decides it’s more important to keep the relationship.


2. The couple comes to an understanding where it’s ok to have some needs met outside the relationship itself


3. The need to express the self fully and be loved for all aspects for the self is too important to compromise on and it’s decided that the relationship is not the one.


Being in 3. really really sucks and it’s very understandable that someone would want to reach out for some daddy energy especially if it’s what they’ve been craving and needing so long. I just personally think starting a relationship as an emotional affair isn’t ethical.


Your experiences may vary. Just my 2c because I really see a trend with this.

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cheating is a pretty crappy thing to do regardless of the reason or circumstances, i've unfortunately been on both sides and its messy as fuck and so not worth being labelled as someone who did that

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Well... this is awkward  :blush:

I have probably been labeled this type of person you talk about a couple of times here. Probably this happened a couple of days ago actually!


Even when I am looking for nothing more than friendship... but let's be honest, sometimes I am hoping for more. It doesn't happen often but sometimes a person really catches my eye. Would I still be just friends with someone who I thought was awesome? definitely. 


I am just curious if you know for sure their partners don't know about this? obviously if they told you that is the case at least they are being honest with you even if they are not being honest with their partner. Of course it would be a messy situation to get in and makes sense to avoid it.


But, has it crossed your mind that it happens so often that you might be a bit paranoid at this point? That you think that is the case even if they don't say so? I have noticed this trend when I am being friendly... and I happen to be a super friendly affectionate person with people I like. I have met people who just can't get their head around I do love my hubby and that he IS my Daddy but that I would still be interested in another connection and this I have talked about with my Daddy a long time ago and would not be an option if he has not agreed. I go as far as double checking if he has not changed his mind whenever I meet someone who might be a match.


<rant>what is it about being married that you can no longer be interested in friendship? people in a relationship are just human, we need friends! how do you know you will not meet the love of your life through a friend? what if you learn something valuable from them that will help the right relationship work? * sigh * ok, it feels nice to have that out of my system </rant>


Hmm, maybe the whole thing was a rant, I dunno... sorry? XD

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Maybe it's because I'm a dirty man slut with no scruples but I don't think life is quite that black and white.


I've been approached by and been with more than a handful of married women. I'd say about 75% of the time the relationship is already dead and the only reason they haven't delt the death bore is because they are "trapped" (either financially, geographically, or worse) in their current relationships.


And hey, it sucks that their current relationship didn't work out but that doesn't mean I need to put a hold on finding a compatible partner.



My current little is actually married to another dude. She moved in with me at the start of the year.

Edited by Guest
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Hi Nymph! Thanks fir your response. No these aren’t cases of me imagining it. These have been people who have come right out and said they’re in a (typically bad) relationship. When I ask them if their partner knows what they are doing the answer is no. So that’s just a clear ethical line for me. I’m totally all about friendships! And possibly a friendship transitioning into something more! That’s the way I prefer things to be to be honest. But I don’t think a friendship that has to be kept hidden from a primary partner is an ethical thing. It’s just honestly surprised me. I’m all for open relationships and poly too! Like, there are ethical ways to do things.
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Hey handerpants. I don’t think it’s seeing the world in black and white so much is it being clear about your own ethics and having boundaries. Being with more than a handful of married women isn’t a lifestyle I personally aspire to. In my opinion cheating creates harm to at least one of the people involved, most often the faithful partner. Having another perspective is interesting so thanks. Edited by wolfdaddy
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That is me. ☹

And I hate it. I've been in a marriage, well relationship for 19yrs and not once had any sort of infidelity issues. Until Jan this Yr, I firstly emotionally strayed, then it went further. And I hate that as its not fair on him or my daddy. I refer to the man I married as him as he really isn't kind plus sometimes I wonder if he actually likes me. He can be very horrible and mean, making me think I'm stupid or I've done something or not done something. He often says I need to get my head checked, he acts all concerned but then sticks an insult in or turns his care round to make a point. He really really is not kind. I've put up with this for a while, but a huge operation a couple of years back made me take stock of my life. Recovery has been a long process. I came here looking for myself (as I said I was taking stock of my life), for acceptance and for friendship. I didn't really expect daddy, as I don't feel worthy and spent my time before daddy finding people to talk to and sometimes sexy chat too. I just craved affection. Ive had many many years with none, been down trodden at times I'm not allowed to even talk at times its that bad. I just wanted kind words, just someone to be nice. I thankfully have that with the best daddy in the world. So million dollar question, why am I still married to him, well one word, finance. With covid and recovery it's been tricky to become financially independant I'm clawing myself back, but it's a slow process. I have plans though and hope to gain back independence soon. I know this is crappy on him, it is, no denying it. You could say I'm a decietful, horrible person and I am. Ruining my marriage and my family but I can't live like this anymore. Also not fair on daddy you may say, well I have gone into all previous conversations and my relationship with daddy letting them know where I stand and what my situation is. I honestly hate dishonesty which you would think is double standards, totally it is, and in everything else I'm upfront and honest because I don't want to mismanaged expectations when feelings have been invested. Anyway, that's my twopenny worth. I didn't expect a proper real fabulous daddy that I have, I came here for acceptance for being a little and unknowingly I just craved someone to be nice to me, to pay me positive attention, to show me some affection to basically be kind. And I've found someone, daddy!

So that's me. That's why I don't think it's cut and dried. Ive been 100% into my relationship with him for over 19yrs,but I needed affection and I needed kindness and for the moment finance is restricting my ability to start life with daddy. I don't intend to spend longer than necessary unhappy and look forward to a time when we can part ways and start a new future, me with daddy, him however he wants.

Edited by Kittykat83
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