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Where are the queer CGs and littles?


anxious_but_sparkly

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Okay so i think this is actually an interesting topic to share perspective on, because i think this is largely about perception. I peronally am a cis, pan man attracted to effeminate people, of which cis women are just.. the most. So even though im pansexual, the odds of me finding a cishet partner are probably just higher than finding someone of another gender/sexual preference. Furthermore, i think a lot of queer people also find themselves to be comfortable presenting in the already existing gender binary of male and female. So to conclude my opinion, i think there are actually quite a bit of bi/pansexual people, but they just happen to kind of wander into relationships that (on the surface at least) fall into existing gendernorms. 

 

I'm not very good at expressing my understanding of gender and sexuality and whatnot so i hope i kind of explained my point somewhat well enough? Thanks for making this topic because this is a question i have heard other people asking and its great to finally be able to put my thoughts into words!

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Oftentimes BDSM spaces, not just DDLG feel like this exclusive, pretend luxurious club for heterosexual folks trying to sell their newest bs book (talking from tumblr + fetlife experience).
Well it's been mostly lonely, I'm a transmasc sub (exclusively sub), it's very difficult to find a CG that's interested in me let alone a good fit. I think that switches might have it easier (esp in switch/switch relationships) but I really wouldn't know.

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I'm pansexual cis female, but I find when it comes to DDlg or BDSM I prefer men over women. If I date a woman it'd be more of a vanilla relationship, I think. Perhaps there'd be some exception if I had met the right woman, but so far the Dommes I have met just didn't work for me. I have very little experience with anyone as far as dating goes who is not cis male or female, but would be completely open to it if I was looking for a relationship.

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Im a cis female but im still exploring my sexuality, ive never really felt sexually attracted to cis men but ive been in relationships with them and loved them before so it really confuses me on where i stand. At the moment i date people that arent cis men, but ive never came out to my family since they are very traditional and have stated before that they don't agree with queer people (hopefully i can move out soon >_>). 

 

Right now i identify as Queer, and my little self is the biggest gay baby in the world lol. im so happy theres others out here! <3

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I'm a trans masc switch! Currently mainly a Daddy Dom position but occasionally a little boy as well, and very very gay! MlM

 

My partner is cis masc, but tends to be on the femme side when very subby or little~ he's pansexual!

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Guest Teasing Tink

I'm a cis female and bisexual/demisexual but I'm in a heterosexual DD/lg relationship now, so this thread doesn't really apply to me, I guess. I was with a girl in the past. We both were littles who leaned heavily submissive, but were technically switches.

 

I see it as a spectrum though with pretty much everyone being at least a little bit queer.

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I see it as a spectrum though with pretty much everyone being at least a little bit queer.

 

Exactly! Since a gender expression doesn't necessarily have to impact someone's appearance, technically everyone is queer to some extent (under the pretense that we agree on how gender expression works in the first place, which.. yeah..)

 

anyway, I think you're right lmao

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I think if everyone was a bit queer we wouldn't see quite the same level of discrimination and systemic barriers against LGBTQ2+ folks. Working daily in this space that's perhaps just my perspective though. Edited by Little kaiya
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I’m so excited to see so many of you awesome people! Thank you all for bringing so much thoughtful discussion, too! Honestly it was especially reassuring to hear the affirming things several cis folks shared. I’m really happy to be here. ☺️

 

- M

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Guest Teasing Tink

I agree with sparkly. If someone doesn't accept that part of themselves for whatever reason, and is disgusted by it, it's not uncommon to see it manifest in the form of discriminating others for the very same part of themselves they haven't integrated/reject or fully acknowledged within themselves. It is not necessarily a conscious thing people do either. And you can really apply this to other things as well. Politics was another good reason/example that sparkly pointed out.

 

And yes, I know there are people who claim to not be remotely queer or curious. Once upon a time, I claimed the same thing for religious reasons due to me feeling it was not socially acceptable to have those feelings. Once I grew out of religion, that changed, because my world view changed. I also just think a lot of people don't really know themselves fully. But, I also believe in reincarnation and that most people have incarnated as both genders, so to me, that explains a lot if that is the case.

 

Anyway, just my two cents. You're free to disagree. I get that it's a controversial topic, and I didn't mean to start anything.

Edited by Teasing Tink
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I am definitely Queer but assigning a label to my sexuality beyond that is difficult. I use it as kind of an umbrella term. I have found myself attracted to all genders but definitely lean more for the femme-types.  I am in a poly relationship with a cis male and a cis female. 

 

Sometimes the differences between a Mommy and a Daddy are really noticeable. But when Mommy and I first started the cg/l aspect of our dynamic it was hard to find titles for her cus she wasn't sure about Mommy yet. I didnt push it but Daddy started calling her that and she and I both REALLY liked it. I think it was the stigma associated with cg/l as incestuous that made it hard for her, but eventually she kinda got over it I guess? Or maybe she needed time to come out of her shell too. 

 

I have noticed its WAY easier to find clothes with 'daddy' on them, and often the ones that say 'mommy' are designed for AMAB bodies. It's a small issue in day-to-day but indicative of an issue on a greater level as well. Support for the LGBT community has grown over the past two decades but there is still very much a 'cishet agenda.' At least thats what I call it lol. 

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I don't think anyone is being argumentative. There are different opinions, sure, but that's what makes for interesting discussions.

 

That said, let me throw my two cents into the ring. I find the following position difficult,

"I also just think a lot of people don't really know themselves fully".

 

This is the same argument that right wing individuals have used to dismiss and marginalize the sexual orientations and gender identities of LGBTQ2+ individuals. It comes in the form of "you aren't really gay, you're just confused". If I and others in the LGBTQ2+ communities are asking for our sexual orientations and gender identities to be accepted based on our word then should not cisgender and heterosexual people expect and deserve the same respect?

 

Are there closeted people who are still in denial, absolutely, but it doesn't mean everyone is in that boat.

 

Just some thoughts for consideration.

Edited by Little kaiya
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Guest Teasing Tink
To be clear, I don't go around trying to convince people who say they're straight that they're not or somehow think that people shouldn't be in whatever kind of relationship they want to be in or that they must experiment or something. That would be really dumb, controlling and kind of arguing over semantics. I also don't really care as I respect people's choices and don't see it as any of my business. The intent behind what I said wasn't meant in a malicious or dismissive way, it was an assertion that was based on a study I had come across at some point in the past that seemed to confirm the statement that all people are at least a little bit queer, as well as just apart of my own observations. If someone presented me with a study that opposed that, I'd be more than happy to look into that as well, as I care more about truth than my opinion or musing of the day. That being said, I'm not really married to the idea, I just think there may be truth in it. I perhaps shouldn't have stated my thoughts so boldly or carelessly without further context, as I would be upset if someone took what I said and misconstrued it as me dismissing their very existence or something. I can understand how it could be easily misinterpreted that way.

 

Suffice to say it's a complex topic. And obviously there's a big difference between someone who actually wants to be in a queer relationship from someone who just has very infrequent/minor/subconscious queer thoughts, but has no real desire to act on any of them. It's a broad spectrum. I do think it's more than possible to respect someone's choices while internally questioning or pondering things as people are entitled to their own thoughts. I just enjoy thinking about the psychology of human nature.

 

The reason I said I didn't mean to start anything was because I realized in hindsight I had made a controversial statement without thinking and I felt bad that what I said is maybe derailing the thread into something the OP didn't intend if their intention was to keep things light and "little" rather than about topics that are more adult and could potentially be upsetting. I feel bad for disrupting the harmony of the thread if that's the case, because that wasn't my intention. 
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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm a queer transmasc switch in a relationship with a cis man. When I am little we have a Daddy/boy dynamic. I find theres a lot of cishet representation in bdsm, but in Leather it is almost entirely gay folks, though unfortunately not as much visibility for ageplay in the Leather spaces.

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I'm also FTM, identified as nonbinary with a daddy side and a female little side for awhile, now trans man. I really like DDlg in the bedroom, but my littlespace is rather gender neutral otherwise. My CG is also nonbinary, and my little recently came out as a trans girl.

 

Recently I've been struggling with finding a good gender balance, since I think DDlg is really hot, but will get pretty bad dysphoria after a scene. My CG is pretty understanding though, and wants to help me on my transition journey.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest deerdan

Another trans boy, ahoy. I'm homoflexible pansexual, very queer. While I've dated women, cis and trans, and people who fall into different parts of the non-binary category, it seems that I mainly attract bi or pansexual cis men. In my personal experience, it's very rare for me to attract the attention of fem presenting people in CG/L or BDSM spaces. 

 

P.s. Very happy to befriend anyone in the LGBTQ+ community here. 

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Hello!! I myself am genderfluid and demisexual/queer! Although I lean more towards women with more dominating energies or masculine/femme appearance! I am also not a switch myself!

 

I do find it harder to find a partner that is not a switch. Although this is also something I haven’t yet had the chance to explore in depth! I think with the right mistress/mommy I could possibly be more comfortable with switching but being single makes it hard to explore more!

 

It’s hard to really put a pin and say yep that’s what I do” when it comes to navigating things! Although I can speak from experience that there does tend to be a fair amount of cis males who tend to ignore labels in order to talk with littles. This is more of what I experience and it is not to say it happens a lot or anything. But for me I tend to avoid accepting friend request from men in general to avoid having to explain things to them. I am decently open on my page and those few will completely jump over reading and go straight to messaging!

 

This community has definitely grown a lot since I first joined! It was almost exclusively cis relationships and seeing comments like this definitely shows how much things have advanced! It’s nice to know that it isn’t all bad and that there are others who are also experiencing similar journeys!

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  • 2 weeks later...

*raises hand* Bi/pan (still working on labels) little here, while my Daddy identifies as "spicy straight" LOL Meaning he's not quite sure where he lands on the spectrum yet but knows he's not completely hetero. This is actually my first adult cishet relationship, as previously I had identified as lesbian. I was together with my ex-wife for 13 years but she openly mocked me for even suggesting DDlg so I can't say I have any experience with this lifestyle through a same-sex relationship lens. 

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