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Seeking Advice on Overcoming Shame


PandaGod99

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Hi. So, I'm a 21 year old nonbinary little, and I've been part of the community for several years now. (For some context about my character, I suffer badly from chronic depression and general anxiety, as well as CPTSD.) Problem is, after being shamed about being a little (acting childish, dressing cute, owning "kids" toys, etc.,) by both partners and society, I have a really hard time getting into little space without feeling like I'm doing something wrong or gross. I have to be either drunk or high to just relax and enjoy the things I like. How can I stop myself from internalizing all of the criticism I hear in the future, and how can I get rid of the negative thoughts that have already taken root?
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I totally understand how you feel. I struggle with this as well. For a while little space was terrifying for me because I thought it was bad. Something I realized though was that I wasn't hurting anyone. Regressing wasn't damaging me, my partner, or anyone else. It was supposed to be fun and relaxing and safe. I'm working really hard to unlearn the shame that I felt about being little.

 

Something I've done to help with it is designate time specifically to little space. I will literally plan it into my schedule. I'll do it when I'm all by myself and I know i wont be interrupted by anyone. Then I'll put my phone on vibrate, snuggle up with my favorite little things and and I'll ease into it. Maybe watch a movie that feels small, or sing along to a song, or find your favorite little foods. I almost treat it like regimented self-care. 

 

I also found someone who supported it. I made it a point to find friends that understood why I liked it, even if they didn't regress themselves. I found them here, on fetlife, on discord, literally anywhere. I was also lucky enough to find a partner that understood. They don't partake in any of it though. It's private for me.

 

I still have a hard time with getting into the headspace, but it's important to tell yourself that it's okay. Be kind to yourself. It's okay if you can't do it all of the time. Getting frustrated will only make it worse. Tell yourself positive affirmations about little space, you're headspace, and yourself in general. The more you learn to accept your little space the easier it will become. And honest that just comes with time and practice. Though i really wish there was a simple fix.

 

I hope this helps at all. Best of luck! <3

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I second the above! I also happen to have the same issues you do - and have in the past, found it easier to find little space when under the influence of a substance, and I too still have to constantly tell myself when the "shame" hits when I feel all "squeally" (when I'm little, I can get a bit loud/giggly and overexcited depending on my mood). I found it easier when alone...but in a sense where I also still having my "imaginary sister" from childhood still around to listen to me ramble/have fun or be my "safe" playmate. She doesn't judge, she doesn't make my feel silly and she's a quiet company when I'm watching cartoons or eating 2-minute-noodles with my fingers out of my MLP bowl!

Try and feel comfortable being yourself BY yourself. There are such things as good secrets that don't have to feel like you're still in the closet!

(I've recently been questioning if I am non-binary, myself, but my little is exclusively she/her)

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