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A story about my ex


PincessCaitlin

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So I wrote this after I saw Taylor swifts short film all too well, it’s a note to my ex, who I call J, this was my experience with him and how I don’t need him anymore, I dunno if this is where I put this so if not plus but it where it should go. But this is my personal story and I hope you don’t mind me sharing it here:

 

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I remember when we first met, you seemed great, if only I knew, I was young and knew nothing about what you were into. It was fairytales and rainbows at first, us talking about our future, like we’d ever have one. You changed over the past few months, asking me to call you a name I wasn’t comfortable with. I needed love, I needed comfort, you never gave me that, it was always your way, never mine. I thought I could change you, but how can I change someone who’s unwilling to change? That was my first mistake, my second mistake was coming back, my third was trusting you again, thinking it could work, I was wrong. You called me an experiment, people are not experiments. People are people but you’d never get that. You are like the joker, unwilling to change, always after something else, pretending to love me but we both know you didn’t. You just wanted a project to work on. You came back, felt nothing, but I wanted something more, you took time to write me a dumb freaking letter as to why you were breaking my heart, what broke me the most was you calling me an emotional abuser when all I wanted was love, someone who could be there for me.

 

5 years on, I’ve grown, you haven’t, trying to get women to love you when they just want to be left alone, even lost your best friend along the way, I’m with her, by the way, I comfort her when she needs it, she comforts me when I need it, she’s more of a man then you could ever be. Living four years in political hell made me realize, oddly enough, that you are just like that sleaze ball, making up excuses for your own mistakes, trying to get women who want NOTHING to do with you. You aren’t a joker card, no. You are a trump card, a complete sleaze ball trying to get women to love you, desperate, pathetic.

 

I had to speak up all those years ago, because I felt unseen. You don’t know what a woman is thinking or feeling. Tell me, would you treat your own mother or sister like crap? Because if so, I hope that god can find it in his heart to forgive you. If not, why would you treat a random woman like that?

 

I’m happier now, I tell myself trying to sound sincere, but then I remember I have more people who love me for me, can you say the same? You push away everyone and don’t respect others, that’s not a true man. A true man let’s his feeling be known, is vulnerable to the person he’s with, doesn’t try to change the person he’s with, RESPECTS the person he’s with. You never did that, or at least it felt that way to me.

 

I’m 30 now, the story of you is you taught me how to recognize abusive relationships, you taught me how to better treat myself, you made me cautious about opening up in general, I already was cautious before you, I’m more cautious now then I was then. You taught me how to recognize red flags when I see them.

 

You were the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but the mistake I needed to get better. I just wish I was the same for you. Maybe if I was the same for you, you would be a better man and learn from your mistake. But I see you haven’t, you haven’t changed like I hoped you would. I learned a lot about what you like and learned that it’s always the girl that’s In control, it’s what they want, not the other way around, you need to learn to understand that women are people too, you can’t just say ‘you’re the Batman to my joker’ to your friend and expect her to take it well, you know how crazy that sounds right? But you are, you are the joker. I was willing to do whatever you wanted back then, honestly, I do secretly wish we could have a do over but I know that that would just make me Harley, just like you wanted, and I don’t want that. You need to change, maybe some therapy on how to treat women better because honestly, no woman is going to respect you if you keep treating them like crap. You are lucky I haven’t told anyone in my real life this, because if I told my best friend she would beat your ass so hard for how you treated me. She’s very very protective, be thankful you aren’t on her radar.

 

My story without you has been lovely, I have a new little nephew who is adorable, been working on myself more, been learning to love myself. It’s been great, my recommendation for you is take a break from women, learn to love yourself before you try again, you need to figure some things out obviously, do that before you go chasing after women, it’ll do you some good. I hope you do learn to grow into your own like I have, sure I still have some problems, but I know how relationships are suppose to work now, I know what I want in a man now, and newsflash it ain’t you. I wish you the best in finding your punchline.

 

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Edited by PincessCaitlin
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Sometimes strength comes when a break heals.

 

Good luck to you in your future. 

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Sometimes strength comes when a break heals.

 

Good luck to you in your future.

 

Thank you. It took me 5 years to get my feelings in check but when I checked in with my friend she said he’s still a bad guy, breaking hearts when he doesn’t get his way, she’s done with him, like done done, she put up with his crap for too long and her ending that relationship was a good thing for her. She is more of a man than he can ever be, he doesn’t understand when a girl says no she means no. That was a problem that he had with me too, if he doesn’t respect boundaries then he’s no Dom, he’s an abuser, or at least a hard dom, which most girls like in roleplay yes, but not all the time (like me for example, I like to play a scene and then talk about what worked and what didn’t, me and him, we never did that, at least from what I can remember) but he seriously needs to learn how to be an actual dom because from what I’ve heard he’s not one. I know what I am. I’m a little and sometimes a brat, sometimes I need love and comfort, sometimes I need a punishment just for fun, you know? I wasn’t getting that from him, he would strike me down over and over again every time I’d ask to call him daddy, he didn’t want that, oddly enough with this new girl he just broke her heart, he did wanna be called that, like dude, pick a lane! He needs to focus on himself because he’s never gonna change unless he does that.

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