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Help with my caregiver being 'softer'


PrincessCiara

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Hi!

I'm hoping you guys can give me and my caregiver who I will pass this onto any advice. I love her so much and she's amazing with me when I'm obviously in little space to her but other than that she can be kind of abrasive. It's just her personality, she can be hard, short and come across as judgemental even when she doesn't mean to and doesn't even realise she's doing this. We've talked a lot about this and she's making efforts to become more aware of it but at this point we've been together quite a while with little change and it's really getting to me. I do try to remind myself it's just her persobality and not to take it personal. Would anyone have any advice or practical things she can try incorporate to help with this?

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Unfortunately people have all sorts of personalities and character traits, and while they might try to improve, if that's how they're used to being then there's not much they can do to undo a trait that has cemented itself over years. For example I will sometimes say things that those who don't know me might think I'm being mean spirited or a jerk, but those who do know me will laugh at those same words because they know my tone and attitude when I'm saying it shows my intent is to cheer someone up or to promote thought and discussion.

 

I feel like if you're expecting some big change from your caregiver you're expecting more than is reasonable from her. I think the best way to approach this will be communication and understanding since it sounds like you're saying your caregiver isn't being abrasive, she's just acting in a way that she's used to and it comes off that way to you. So if she does say something that sounds bad to you you can stop the conversation (or if it's not a good time let her know you'd like to come back to this later in the day) and you can both talk about it. You tell her how it made you feel, she tells you what the intent behind her words were. Between you you can at least get some understanding of each other and hopefully in that can both become more comfortable with each others' personalities.

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i agreed with D&D here but i also want to mention that its as much down to you to accept her as she is, from what i can see you are with this person and actively trying to change them to be someone you like more, it tells me you dont accept them as they are and that's an issue in my eyes

 

just something to think about from the other side

Edited by SmolAetherr
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we all have our personal struggles and as a daddy I separate the personal struggles with who the person is inside their heart. It sounds like your caregiver is a wonderful person, but it also sounds like she has a struggle coming off too abrasive. It also sounds like she is making a huge effort to accept your struggles without judging you. It sounds like she hurts your feelings without meaning to. My advice to you is to have a real in-depth conversation with her and tell her how she comes across at times makes you feel. After all your feelings are important. At the same time, you need to let her express her feelings and how she might be working to overcome her struggles. As you go through this process with her both of you need to respect the feelings of each other and not judge the feelings both of you have. I hope my words help in some way

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