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Dating Vanilla/Non-Daddy Men


little1grl
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So I'm kind of feeling like giving up looking for a Daddy, and just dating vanilla/non-daddy men. Everybody who is a Daddy or caregiver either requires me to move, or the one and only local guy I found ended up...it just didn't work out and I ended up getting hurt. We were also a terrible match. In fact, I keep finding terrible matches when I find Daddy's/caregivers. It seems Daddys are so rare and hard to find, that I can't get someone where I'm compatible with anything else about them other than we are both into DDlg. Its really frustrating because the Daddy's and caregivers I keep finding are incompatible with me in every way. Or they are in another state. I also never seem to get very far with anyone. Things seem to last just a couple of weeks or so, then we realize we aren't compatible, and thats that.

 

So I am thinking of dating men who aren't Daddy's, who aren't kinky, just regular guys. It will be easier to find someone compatible, except for the DDlg part. But does that mean I'm going to have to give up little space? Can I find a regular guy who will understand, and not freak out? Can I find a guy who may even want to step into the role of a caregiver a little bit? I'm finding that I don't really want a lot of if any rules, I just want to be in little space and have a caregiver who interacts with me when I am. And a caregiver who is nurturing and guiding. I may not find that in a non-Daddy dom if I look for just vanilla people. But, I have been looking for 3 years and I have not even come close to finding someone who is compatible with me.

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Stop searching, and just be open to meeting new people. I find when people either side are, "Seeking" you end up being a magnet for predators, stalkers, clingers, and drama lovers. 

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Guest RaggedyRagdoll

I agree with BabyBunny! I’ve actually had much better luck dating “vanilla” than trying to date within DDlg and using sites like this. And it’s almost exactly for the reasons you’ve outlined. Most of the men I encounter are soooo heavily focused on dynamic that the normal progression of building a connection and trust falls by the wayside. People come and go very easily.

 

I learned what it was that I really enjoyed and wanted from a Daddy. For me, the biggest traits were playfulness, nurturing, and traditional roles. Then, I went out into the “vanilla” dating scene and looked for those traits. I’ve been dating a wonderful man who loves my babygirl side, shares a ton of common interests, and we are naturally falling into a bit of dynamic. He’s also a psychologist, so if he can be open to this and not freaked out, I think that’s a good sign!

 

Best of luck to you!

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I have found some vanilla guys being more daddylike than those who tittle themselves as daddies... go figure :rolleyes:

 

In case you are not looking for something really extreme in vanilla standards, I don't see any issue dating vanilla. It is better even as others have said for you start from proper foundation instead of "you like this and this in bed?? <3".

 

Sex:

Not every dude is into bdsm stuff but many are at least curious, and often they even enjoy the dominant role -just let them have time to explore that side of themselves WITHOUT expectations.

 

Caregiving:

Imo some guys are naturally really protective and/or caring and/or compassionate. That trait can be of course bit hidden as culturally it may not be that okay to show it or baby another grown up. So, again: letting the guy explore this slowly, and giving them good feedback about the nice things they do or react.

 

Does this mean any guy works? No. Some people just are not into this at all.

 

Does this mean you have to look for someone that has specificly "daddy qualities"? Well, not necessary even it helps. Reason I say "not necessary" is because sometimes our own ideas of what are daddy-qualities are extremely narrow minded, and we may dismiss something great.

 

For example: person who is empathic and able to see other people's side easily can turn out to be great daddy even they show zero dominance in beginning. They are more likely to understand what you like and why, and accept it. Will this sort of person ever be super dominating and authorative? Probably not but not all daddies need to be.

 

I recommend early on to be honest about who you are and what you like. Just don't tell them that they need to fullfill some specific daddyrole and do this and that -and also mean it. In same time be honest on your minimum requirements: if you won't be satisfied in rel without little space or rough sex, then you won't. They have right to know this, and also they have right to take some time before even trying those thigns out.

 

So, look for an amazing person, not just someone to be a daddy. :wub:

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  • 3 weeks later...
I feel your pain (from the flip side of the coin). My view is a partner provides so much more than simply fulfilling your kink. Companionship first and foremost. As other posters have said - you never know also, a vanilla bf may well grow into the area if introduced. My view is go for it. Don't be lonely.
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