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Care for the caregiver?


MrSillyDaddy
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I have dabbled in ddlg for a few years now

 

I have had a few littles and they were great relationships while they lasted

 

However unfortunately all my ddlg relationships ended with my littles no longer communicating with me and being hostile with me for no reason ending with them ghosting me

 

I can't understand how a loving relationship can end with no communication at all?

 

I know the role of the caregiver is to care and protect and I always do that but sometimes i feel like i am the one needing care and love although i am not submissive and i am not a little

 

How can a caregiver/daddy receive appropriate mutual care and love in this type of relationship?

 

I have only been in and out of ddlg briefly due to my littles ghosting me so I'm sure they will be people scrutinizing my every word as always

 

I just want to know how I can receive the care I know I need in this type of relationship

Edited by MrSillyDaddy
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I think it's very common for alot of subs to feel like it's a take take take dynamic when it truly it's a two way street like any other relationship.

 

Daddies/ mommies/ caregivers / Doms all have their own emotional wants and needs. I see alot of littles act like all the responsibility is magically not theirs anymore when getting into a relationship.

Team work makes the dream work.

 

Sorry you have been ghosted and not have had your emotional support given back. That's super poo and no one deserves that.

As for advice I would just try and build a strong friendship and foundation of mutually understanding that you also need love and support in the relationship if one is to develop.

Edited by Satan
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I think Satan had summed things up pretty well! There are quite a lot of littles who tend to use Doms as a “play session.” These kind of littles tend to get lonely and will hop from dom to dom in order to remove that loneliness. It can be the kind of relationships that start quick and over night, only to lead to them losing interest later and going back to chasing a new and exciting adventure. This is really only something I have observed and I can’t say that this is the case but it does happen.

 

I am sorry that you have had to deal with ghosting. That is one thing that I hate to hear and to leave something without an answer is something that shows their true colors. I have a few tricks that has helped me personally with keeping the “play session hunters” to bay! I would try and get to know them first! You learn a lot about someone in the way they talk, their effort, and so much more within the first few weeks of talking! After that communicate what kind of things you would like for them to keep in mind. Rather that is work schedule, mental illness, family issues, or really anything that can affect your behavior, mood, ability to message and so forth! Let them know what helps when you are down or what they can do to help! Some people need breaks and communicating that will help! I hope this helps a bit and I wish you luck on your journey!!

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I am sorry you had a bad experience. Although, being a little I want my daddy to care for me but that doesnt mean littles should not care for their daddy or should hurt them like this.

 

I hope one day you find a little worthy of your love, care and attention and returns the same to you equally if not more.

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It takes a lot of time to find a good match. Even if you find what seems a perfect match you can only know someone so well, until you've spent a lot of time together. 

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I don't give care and love to my Daddy the way that He does to me, e.g. rules, routines, diaper changes, etc., but that in no way means I don't give Him care and love.

 

Caregivers need live and support just like littles, the expression may just be different.

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I personally show My Daddy care by being his biggest cheerleader! I love how he care for me. So I make it a point to do the things I can for him. Year they might not be Grand ol gestures, but I tell him how proud I am of him everyday and I do little things I can help take off his list. Be a partner not a leach. Even a sub has a responsibility to take care of their Daddy. And if it is a loving relationship ya just wanna please the other person. 

Just my thought

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Inside and Outside of the lifestyle everyone deserves to have their needs met too. It is not just a give give give or take take take dynamic. It is a 2 way street in any relationship. 

 

As a little who had a daddy, I meet his needs how I could. He met my needs the way he could. We communicated (which is one of the most important key aspects to our lifestyles. Communication is above all to me for me it always starts with communication. You can't have consent without communication see why its the most important. Then it will come down to trust, without some communication you may not know if you can trust a person. So trust will come if it is felt upon. Forcing trust is not trust (IMO). Then Consent. It really boils down to communication any way you look at it. 

 

Others may not agree with me and that's fine. To each their own. But Communication is always a first and always continues throughout the entirety of the relationship. And again in any relationship not just dynamics. 

 

Sorry to hear that you have been ghosted. And I am sorry you didn't have your needs met. And I am sorry that there was a loss of communication. 

 

Sad to say some do think that commination isn't needed or that only their needs are needed to be met. 

 

You need the same love and care you give and sometimes more. It can happen and its not wrong its natural when stress happens or life hits to hard. We all can't lift the weight under that immense amount of pressure everyday all day. We all need someone to be there for us and to be there for. We have to work together or work harder all while treading backwards. 

 

You are not alone though. All caregivers need love, affection and hugs and stuffies tooo can't forget the stuffies, they aren't just for littles. I can tell you I know quite a few caregivers who have a stuffie and love stuffies and aren't littles or switches. Stuffies are for everyone some just don't like them. 

 

Hope things get better. I am always here if you need a friend. 

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I doubt I'm gonna have much else to add, that hasn't already been said in better ways by earlier posters. At the least, I want to say I get how you feel. I've been frustrated, emotionally drained, and/or ghosted way too much, even despite my best efforts. Like others have said, clear communication is needed on both sides. And littles need to understand that daddies and caregivers have feelings and needs/wants, too. I'd suggest, if you're gonna put yourself out there to search for a new little (like put up a personal post or something), maybe say something about what you want/need in your communication and dynamic, so that prospective littles could hopefully take that to heart.

 

I hope you find what you're looking for, and that things get better soon.

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I am so sorry you went through all of that! You are not alone in this at all. The only thing that has made a bit of difference for me is prolonging the vetting process, letting others see you and get to know you in all kinds of situations and taking note of how they respond to you in all kinds of situations, moods, and seasons of life. People reveal patterns over time, sure in one situation they may have a lot going on and couldn't be there for you in the way you needed. Communicating that you need care and what helps you feel cared helps too as people sometimes feel like they have provided support but it was in their own way and signals got missed. Looking out for these things can be a balancing act as well... because then you get into the question of "how many times do I have to feel unsupported, for it to be a pattern?" and honestly that part is up to you. If something is starting to feel bad or one sided and talking about it doesn't do anything to change it, it might not be the match you were hoping it to be. 

 

I hope that helps, felt like I just rambled a bunch *hugs*

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