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Plus sized little , body insecurities


littlewolf
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Basically feeling sorry for myself and looking for support. I'm a size 14 which isn't always considered plus size but here in the UK, its really hard to find "cute" clothes that fit and it's especially hard when you see so many ddlg YouTubers etc who are small and can fit into all the cute shein things!

My partner doesn't care but I hate my tummy , thighs and bum so much... thigh highs look ridiculous and skirts are always not big enough on the waistband or don't look right. I have DD boobs but I feel like I'd rather them be smaller too!

 

I guess the more I write the more I realise how whiny I sound. I guess I just wanted to know if any other littles are in the same sort of situation as me.

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I am so sorry to hear you're feeling down about yourself. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that is hostile to plus size people, especially plus size women, femmes, and even people who are just assigned AFAB but identify as otherwise. From tacit insults like giving us limited (and quite frankly, ugly) clothing options to blatantly hateful comments/actions, fatphobia is very real, and it causes a lot of physical and psychological harm.

 

I am much bigger than you. I wear a size up to a size 30 in US sizes, so I definitely know what it's like to not be able to find clothing and feel bad about myself. This is especially when faced with the thin, smol, *~ideal~* DD/lg aesthetic that so often gets mistaken as the only acceptable presentation of our community. When I say I am fat, I know I am very fat without a doubt, and that's okay. I don't believe fat is a bad word, and I actively reclaim it as a positive descriptor and word of power. 

 

There is definitely a lack of plus size clothing options in cute styles. Please know that the lack of clothing options available is not a sign that your body is wrong or failed. It's a sign that our fashion industry lacks accessibility. Fortunately, I'm seeing more brands expand their plus size selections, and that's awesome!

 

I've been seeing my Daddy for over a year. He's very attracted to me, and he compliments my appearance and body very often. A lot of my growth came when I started seeing myself as desirable in my own way. Plus, I figure I'm better off not getting involve with anyone whose ideal little is thin, because that's just not who I am. You are an individual, and in a healthy dynamic, your DD or CG will love you as such. There is no wrong way for a body to exist. Even if your body isn't represented in the media, you still have the right to feel comfortable and beautiful in your own body.

 

Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk. :)

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It’s not an uncommon feeling. Western society has a view of how AFAB people should look. And in porn or kink, the same is true. But the truth is, the majority of us defy that expectation. We are wonderful just as we are. We are attractive just as we are. We are enough just as we are. And we don’t have to fit a mold. You are enough.

I’m a genderfluid AFAB person. I’m queer, fat, disabled, and I’m acutely aware of how I look. Some people will be assholes. But most people don’t care. The person inside is more important than the meat mech that everyone else sees. And I’ll decorate my meat mech however I want.

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What I've learned about body image is it doesn't matter how beautiful you are seen by certain people, even your partner - you will always judge yourself based on your own criteria and insecurities. Obviously there are many, many men out there who go crazy (in a good way) over tummies, thick thighs, big boobs/bum etc. (I even have a thing for big arms lol). We don't all find skinny/slim/petite attractive. But I understand none of this really matters when you're the one looking in the mirror or struggling to find clothes that complement your body frame or tastes.

 

Ultimately you have to be content with your body or make changes that get you closer to your ideal (which I know is difficult and genetics can get in the way of much of that). Being healthy is the priority though. People often assume larger people are unhealthy and skinnier people healthy, but that's not always the case. Skinny people can be undernourished, inactive and risk their health (both mental and physical) in that way. It's not just about how you look in other words.

 

Be mindful of the words you use to describe yourself. Don't use words like "hate" or "ridiculous" when describing your body. You don't deserve that, even from yourself. There is no such thing as objective beauty or cuteness but we can also get a little too subjective about it as well, obsessing over details that others just wouldn't notice in that way.

 

Focus on mental and physical health and feeling as good as you can inside. If you can change the outside healthily, then by all means. But I think we all need a shift in mindset when it comes to what we value about ourselves and, yes, valuing what our partners like about us that we perhaps don't.

 

Be kind to yourself!

Edited by daddymind
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I feel you on this so much. Self-image is really hard and something that I think so many of us struggle with. I'm around the same size as you, and some days I find myself thinking the same things. Yeah, I can take healthy steps to get to a size that maybe allows certain things to fit me differently. I can make sure I'm being healthy and smart. I can make sure that I'm learning what types of clothes fit my body shape the best. I can take all these steps, but sometimes it's really really hard because I don't fit the ~*aesthetic*~ the same way slimmer individuals do... 

 

The thing that I try to remind myself is that I am not my own type. I'll never be my own type. It's okay that I'm not my own type. I don't have to be my own type. I'm someone else's type and that's AWESOME.
 

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I completely feel you! I'm around a US size 18 and not only can I never find cute clothes, but if I ever do they're ridiculously expensive! On top of that, it's prevented me from finding a partner for so long. When I was younger I always thought I had decent self esteem, but for some reason now that I'm out of school and stuff I feel like my body image has drastically changed for the worst. I'm always struggling with my self esteem and even though I know I'm not ugly and that I'm a decent person, I can't help but be haunted by body dysmorphia and self depreciating thoughts.

 

On the breast topic, I relate a lot in that mine are too big for me. Ever since puberty hit I've always felt wrong about them. They get in the way, oversexualize me in normal clothing, make me look fatter, and I got bullied for them too. I often wish I was a cute, petite skinny girl with a small-average chest. They always seem to look good in anything. They can wear a T-shirt and jeans and everyone calls them fashionable!

 

I also try to remind myself that I'm simply not my own type, but it doesn't help that I'm not most people's type either.  :(

Not to mention as someone who likes fashion, I can't partake in any of it! But maybe some day I can get some fabric and a sewing machine and just make my own cute clothes. Screw the clothing industry!
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