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any advice for mdlb relationship ?


imacactus
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hi there- new to this site but not new to ddlg/mdlb relationships !

does anyone have any advice for doms feeling overwhelmed when their little is almost always stressed/anxious ? i try to be there for him of course, cuddle him in vr and comfort him when he's able to listen- but sometimes i feel things are a bit unfair ?</3

when something is wrong with me i feel like my little passes it off most of the time even though i'm trying a better way to approach with how i feel. i've been open and told him that i'm anxious about a few things but over time i feel like he's just passing it off now- he doesn't bother trying to put as much effort in comforting me with these things and i don't know if i should treat him the same or not. sometimes i feel like our relationship is that classic meme of big text little text, me being the big text whenever somethings wrong with him.

i've tried talking to him about this and how it makes me feel but again, i guess over time it started to not matter. does anyone have any advice ? i appreciate it

( sorry if i put this in the wrong forum, i'm not sure how this site works :< )

Edited by imacactus
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Some people aren't compatible... Or they're in a situation in their life where things are complicated... When someone is Little you'd think that automatically someone who calls themselves a CG is going to naturally cope and adapt. Though there is a lot more in the dynamic isn't there? A women/man relationship. Sex. Friendship.

 

I think that it's quite complicated for a young, inexperienced and low energy person to be a great CG. If they have a lot of their own issues. I think that they may not know what they're getting into, until they know you.

 

Either way you should have open communication with the person you're in a relationship with and express your fears in an adult and mature fashion and see how they respond. I found with a Middle I had been talking to they had feelings for me and I for them, but not the time to put in for one another. Unfortunately that is a killer...

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It sounds like the two of you need to have an adult to adult discussion outside of the MDlb dynamic. Sadly there are a number of littles who take advantage of their caregivers or partners and that is NOT ok. At the end of the day DDlg and MDlb are still adult/adult relationship dynamics. Your needs are as valid and important as those if your little and if they're intentionally ignoring that it is a serious issue and pretty disrespectful.
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I think everyone else has pretty much said what needs to be said. 

You need to have a talk with them and let them know that you don’t feel as if they are taking care of you as much as you are taking care of them and your feeling don’t seem to matter. If that’s the case, and they don’t reform, I would just cut your losses and move on.

 

Sometimes people attracted to the D/s and C/l dynamic are only interested in having their needs met, often at the expense of their partner. Whether it’s malicious or just ignorance about the dynamic, at my age I don’t want to spend the time to try and remedy all of that anymore. If someone isn’t focus on making me feel better, like I focus on making them feel better, it’s not worth my time. 

 

Best of luck!

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It's a two way street for communication and helping each other, you can not be the only one putting in any effort. Since you also already had a talk with them and they keep caring less about your own needs is incredibly unfair to you as a partner. You're partners first and the dynamic second, like the above have stated have an actual sit down and talk, not just about them not taking care of you back. I would suggest having a long talk about what you both want and are looking for individually and if it is something that can truly grow in the end or if they are looking at it like it is a fling.

Backing up with MrDaddyPants, people really do be only interested in themselves and what makes them better. I share the sentiment of not wanting to spend time remedying it. It's "Give and Take" not just take. I myself have sadly been down this road and been used as an ATM for Caregiving needs while my own are ignored. 

I do however wish you the utmost luck and that a proper sit down remedies the situation. 

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I can very much relate. My partner and i try our hardest with communication but we both keep things from eachother. Im usually the carer while hes the little, and he struggles with a lot of mental and physical illnesses. It can be really straining to take care of him 24/7 and then him not have the energy to take care of me in return. 

Sadly, i dont have a magical fix for this. Trying to talk about issues helps, let them know how much this hurts you, how bad it makes you feel, and how they can help. With my partner i had to spell it out for him, give him a list of things he could do to help take care of me (hes autistic) and that really seemed to help. same with telling him how much i liked when he did certain things (certain nicknames: baby, pumkin; certain actions: singing to me; certain phrases, ect.) but a lot of the time, like i said, he simply doesnt have the energy to dom/ be the carer. which gets complicated. I cant hold this against him, and it doesnt really make me mad, just a little sad. I know he trys his best for me and does what he can. its not his fault after all, he is chronically ill. 

Something you might want to look into is called "care giver burnout", this is less to do with cg/l, and more to do with taking care of someone's needs and issues, like your partners anxiety and stress, above your own/ all the time. This is something i face a lot, and its helpful to my relationship to let my partner know when i need some time to myself to take care of me, or i feel neglected. He also faced caregiver burnout as i have a lot of comorbid mental issues, so its something we can relate and we're trying out best to work with each other to help eachother, because end of the day, we love each other and want to help all we can.

so i hope some of this could help!! good luck with your partner, and remember to take it step by step. most definitely they are not doing this maliciously! just a simple misunderstanding.

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