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Have any of you Littles or medals tried to date a non-DDLG person?


Cebakes
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I’ve been in a three-year relationship with S. She is a middle with little tendencies, 24 years old, and a surgical nurse. When we met, it was supposed to be for summer fun before her senior year in college. Now we are very much in love, but we’ve always talked about her dating someone her own age and her desire to be married. With our age gap, getting married isn’t practical.  
 

Over the past several weeks we have tried to transition into dating other people and still be friends and in love with each other. I can see it’s very very difficult for her in many ways. It’s certainly painful for me. We are both on dating sites and can see that it’s brutal out there. I’ve known this and she is seeing it presently.

We texted and maybe spoke once or twice over the last 10 days and I did my best to give her all the space she needs. It’s pretty obvious she misses the attention, direction, guidance, and discipline that I give her. She has panic, anxiety, ADD, and a couple other things. I’ve always worked on that with her and try my best to build her up. The lack of physical non sexual touch is also killing her.

 

Shes  followed DDLG forums, websites, books video sites, etc., for many years. She had always wanted to be with an older man and is obviously struggling with being with someone her own age, and not into DDLG. The odds of her finding the right guy close to her age who is a real daddy Dom or dominant is not great.

 

So my question is, how much of a struggle is it for a young woman to walk away from DDLG and date someone that has no idea what it is or pretend he is dominant. 

Edited by Cebakes
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I think its not about "walking away" from ddlg because i personally dont think its possible to do. As well as just because someone is younger does not mean you cant find someone in your age range thats a daddy or care giver. Dating is hard, adding the layer of ddlg means it will be a bit harder. I think if what she really wants is a younger guys either work on being a single little to supplement the lack in dd/cg, date someone who is willing to allow platonic dd/cg to allow that relationship or be patient and just wait for the right one to come along.
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The difficulty for a person that is into DDLG to date someone who is non-ddlg depends on the individual.

 

Some find it difficult and others do not.

The independence of the person has a lot to do with it. If the person struggles with maintaining their mental health, work-life balance ect it will be a bit hard but not impossible by any means.

 

We are all adults at the end of the day and while a dynamic is wonderful and can be beneficial in many ways, a non ddlg relationship can be as beneficial and wonderful when finding the right person.

 

The hard part is finding the right person, which is a struggle with or without DDLG.

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Posted (edited)

All good thoughts and comments. We will see how it plays out for both of us.  Would love to hear from others who have also dealt with this.  I’m sure many have experienced including daddy’s.

Edited by Cebakes
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Haiii Cebakes, so I'm a regressive little who pretends to be an adult. I have know I have this trait since youth. I tried my first DDlg relationship when I was 18. I left Sir for variations that are non-relatable. Any who, was with a other non DD man. But I was always unhappy. 'Til I found non DD Daddy. He has no interest in being a DD. However, he doesn't mind being called Daddy by me. And he won't let anyone hurt me...including myself with poor decisions. I havehave no rules or punishments, those part I really miss tho! I do my own. But he gives me my space I need to be me. And I do lean on him a lot. I'm a very lucky BumbleBee! So yeah!  I have a good marriage with my non Dom Daddy.

Hope you find your way to your happiness! 

Lots of luvs.

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Guest RaggedyRagdoll

Hi!

 

I guess I’m a little confused about why S is walking away from DDlg if she enjoys it.

 

Is she consciously making an effort to do this or is this a speculation of worst case scenario?

 

There are plenty of eligible men in their mid to late 20s who are interested in DDlg. I know because I receive messages from them and often think “Sigh. Why can’t I be 10 years younger??” I don’t think we can throw a blanket judgement on men in this age group and say they’re “pretending to be dominant” or not a “real” Daddy. We are all inexperienced at some point. The best of us learn and grow from that inexperience. Maybe S will get in on the ground floor, so to speak.

 

If she is wanting to date someone outside of DDlg dating sites, also totally possible. I have met two Daddy doms from OkCupid, both of whom were lovely, neither of which had “Daddy” advertised on their profile. DDlg is not as uncommon as we think and littles and Daddies have a tendency to find each other.

 

If her *actual* wish is to find someone closer to her age, in hopes of a happy, long term relationship, it would probably be helpful to change the narrative here. It sounds like you’ve just recently started pursuing other people. If that’s the case, it’s really, REALLH soon for her to be throwing in the towel. Especially if she’s trying to date new people, heal her heart and also remain friends and in love with you. That’s a lot to juggle. Not just for her but for anyone she might possibly meet.

 

So! I know that doesn’t really answer your question, but I guess my advice would be to interrupt the negative projections. The separation between you and S doesn’t have to mean her separation from DDlg. There are plenty of good men with Daddy tendencies out there and S should know that.

 

Best of luck to you both!

C

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I'm not sure what made you both determine marriage or long-term wasn't plausible for you guys, but if it's just the age gap maybe reconsider. Sounds like you both really love each other and you shouldn't let that get in the way. However, I understand there may be a lot more you just haven't divulged so perhaps you made the best choice.

 

With that in mind, if you're both going to let each other go romantically and move on maybe you're both moving in the other direction too quickly. It is very, very hard to be with someone new if you are not over the person you were previously with. I would not say being with other people is usually the answer to moving on from a previous love. I think you should both consider just putting a pause on romance and seeing other people until you're both past this relationship you had together. Then you'll both be able to put full focus on the next person rather than feeling torn between past feelings and new feelings. Otherwise, whoever ends up being the new person in your life or hers might just end up being a rebound and that's really going to suck for that person and isn't exactly fair. I'd definitely consider taking time for yourselves and not put too much pressure on dating others. Vanilla relationships can still be very fulfilling and maybe she'll find a Daddy type with a guy her own age that doesn't identify that way just because he didn't know it existed. It's also possible to find a guy her own age who is already into DDlg. I don't think she needs to entirely give up on DDlg. I've even seen littles here who have Daddies younger than them and as far as I can tell from their posts the younger guys CAN be awesome Daddies.

 

Whatever happens, good luck to you both.  ^_^ 

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With respect to Vampiress' last point, my Daddy is 22 years younger than I am and is still an absolutely wonderful Daddy. The age difference between us is significant but it hasn't stopped us from moving toward marriage. Is there a degree of potential, almost inevitable, heartbreak built into a marriage with that kind if age difference, maybe. That said, nobody can predict how life turns out. Most people may assume I will die before He does and that seems likely but one never knows. For us we'd rather live the relationship to the fullest while we have it versus worry about a future we can't control.
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Posted (edited)

S does not want to walk away from DDLG. It is clearly a coping mechanism as well as something that she has followed for almost 10 years. She is now 24. She did not act on her desires until we met three years ago.  She has always desired to get married and feels the clock is ticking.  So many of her friends are getting married and even having babies. When we went away to Jamaica in the winter, she told her parents that she was going away with an older man and they went ballistic. They already knew and sensed something was up. She has a very good close group of friends who she has shared most parts of our relationship with. She has not told them about DDLG. They are somewhat accepting of the relationship, but almost all of them are advising her to find someone her own age. Yes this is a new phase of our relationship and it’s in very early stages.  We are trying to work through this, but I am very careful to not pressure her and let her make up her own mind. 
 

Rawr, You bring up good points about the rebound. Of course you are right about that.  This is very complicated. She’s already said she wants me in her life forever.  We laugh and say she wants the best of both worlds. She also likes a truly dominant man and that will be hard to find at her age. S is a highly sexual person. Vanilla will not do it for her.  She was with guys her own age in college, and had great sex, but we’ve gone to a whole new stratosphere. The dynamics and power exchange in the bedroom is something she craves and is also a release for her.   She is a surgical nurse and has a very stressful job. I’ve known strong successful women over the years that have demanding jobs and lives, and need someone to take control in the bedroom. She also has certain needs and issues that I help her with. These are common and not unusual needs, but they are real and require someone with true life experience.  She very quickly shared things with me that she would never share with someone her own age.  I don’t think she would feel comfortable sharing these things with someone that she was dating and many guys would not want to listen to these things.

Little fox, that sounds great. You are lucky to have each other. How old is daddy wolf?

Edited by Cebakes
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I can understand the pressures are tough, but she needs to seperate herself from what her family and friends want and think about what SHE wants. This isn't their lives... this is HER life that she has to live, and so what does she want to do with it and who does she really want to spend it with? She needs to choose her own path of happiness regardless of what other people want for her. As long as her choice is healthy and doesn't harm herself or those around her (doing what other people don't prefer is not counted as harmful). These same friends that are pressuring her might not even be in her life 10 years from now, life changes so quickly and people come and go. That's why what she wants is far more important.

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My Daddy is turning 23 in August and I just turned 44 so He is pretty close to half my age. When we first got together were there some learning curves for both of us, certainly, but He has stepped up to that challenge and a more dominant man i haven't had in my life. Are there certain things where He lacks some lived experience, sure, but nothing that interferes with our DDlg dynamic.
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Very much appreciate the thoughts. I really don’t have anyone to discuss my situation with. S spent the night here last night and as usual we had a great time.  Her little tendencies were out in full force last night and this morning. She has not been sleeping well since she started wrestling with this, and she slept soundly the whole night.  I did share some thoughts from this thread with her, but she did not want to get into any sort of heavy discussion last night. Of course she knew what I said was right. Little fox, that’s great that things work well for you. I am a big proponent of not trying to define what roles, age limits, DDLG, etc mean.  Whatever works for you is all that’s important. 

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Very much appreciate the thoughts. I really don’t have anyone to discuss my situation with. S spent the night here last night and as usual we had a great time.  Her little tendencies were out in full force last night and this morning. She has not been sleeping well since she started wrestling with this, and she slept soundly the whole night.  I did share some thoughts from this thread with her, but she did not want to get into any sort of heavy discussion last night. Of course she knew what I said was right. 

I am so glad for you two. Maybe just take it slow and steady. She obviously trust you. And that is a great foundations for a romantic relationship!  I'm soso happy for you. Just don't get used and get hurt.

 

Lots of luvs

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Posted (edited)

Thanks bumblebee. Very much appreciate your thoughts. I am trying not to get hurt, keep my feelings in check, and be prepared for multiple outcomes. I am giving S the space she needs to try and decide what she really wants,  but in a week or so I will probably push for more clarity on where we headed. I am a Leo and confident alpha male, and not used to feeling this uncertainty and will follow up on women interested in getting to know me.  I am in a great place, my four kids are all doing well, my daughter just had a baby, and my parents 96 and 94 just moved back to the area from down south. Finding a woman interested in DDLG will probably be a longshot.

 

When S felt the desire to find someone out there closer to her age, I went on several Internet “dating”sites and it’s clear I won’t have an issue meeting women closer to my age, or much younger. S did not have the same success as I did ,  and I can see There is certainly a fear of me meeting women and her not meeting any decent guys.  We have no secrets and she is always free to look at anything on my iPad. I did accidentally leave a window open on my iPad and she saw some things and I could see the hurt in her eyes. She says she can handle me with other women, but I think it will really hurt her in many ways.

 

 Hope everyone has a great weekend! 

Edited by Cebakes
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We’ve decided that dating other people is the best thing right now for both of us. Our relationship will move into a different phase and the love and friendship will still be there.  It was a great three-year run on something that was only supposed to be summer fun before her senior year in college.  Her best and closest friends have been telling her for 2.5 years she needs to be with someone her own age. Of course they have no idea about our DDLG relationship.  When her mom found out she was with an older guy, she blew a gasket. She thought I was 40 and called me a mentally ill pervert… Lol   She would have lost her mind if she knew my real age.   As you can imagine, these things were not helpful for our relationship.    I feel I am in a good place, and looking forward to a fun summer and new relationships/friends. I’m always open to meeting new friends on this site.

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We’ve decided that dating other people is the best thing right now for both of us. Our relationship will move into a different phase and the love and friendship will still be there.  It was a great three-year run on something that was only supposed to be summer fun before her senior year in college.  Her best and closest friends have been telling her for 2.5 years she needs to be with someone her own age. Of course they have no idea about our DDLG relationship.  When her mom found out she was with an older guy, she blew a gasket. She thought I was 40 and called me a mentally ill pervert… Lol   She would have lost her mind if she knew my real age.   As you can imagine, these things were not helpful for our relationship.    I feel I am in a good place, and looking forward to a fun summer and new relationships/friends. I’m always open to meeting new friends on this site.

​Oh I is so ANGRY! What the hell does anyone at any time tell other adults what they want.  F#*k that!  My Daddy is 21 years my senior and we have been married for 13 years and going strong!  And if I had listened to everyone else's opinionopinion instead of my own. If I had I wouldn't know the Devotion and Love that my Daddy shows me every day. But I choose to be HIS!  And honestly I don't care how other look at it as be his property !  F#*K YES I AM, AND PROUD!  Anyways when you find her I'm sure she'll feel the same way. Sorry S's crew made me mad. 

Good luck, Cebakes 

lots of luvs

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Relationships where there is an age gap often get unwanted and unwarranted scrutiny. My Wife is 44, I'm 44 and my Daddy is 22. When we first started dating His parents had concerns which isn't really a surprise. Over time though they and his friends have seen He is an integral part if our lives and our relationship works. He has been with us through celebrations and funerals, vacations, natural disasters and more. At the end of the day people have reached a point where they may still say they don't understand but they all are happy for us and supportive.
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I am sorry to hear it isn't going to work out, and wish you both the best of luck in your future relationships and I hope that you two can maintain a wonderful friendship going forward.

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Very much appreciate the thoughts. This outcome and timing was not unexpected, but certainly doesn’t lessen the sting. 

Life will go on for both of us, we will be good friends and she will always be able to count on me.  I know it’s going to be very difficult for her to not have a daddy in her life and be immersed in a DDLG relationship.  

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Posted (edited)

So it has been just a little over a month since S moved out of my house and back to her apartment and we agreed we were going to date other people. I’ve experienced all of the emotions and issues that someone faces when they break up with someone who they’ve been with for a while.  I do feel pretty good and passed on several FWB and dates. There are lots of opportunities for me out there.

 

initially we texted maybe once or twice a day but we agreed several weeks ago it was probably better to focus on our dating and the calls and texts were kind of painful. She did tell me after about two weeks she was very down and disappointed about what she saw out there with dating and the responses on dating app that she was on. I told her it’s not unexpected and she had to be patient. She is very pretty and it certainly wasn’t her looks.

 

We hadn’t chatted for about two weeks when I heard from her over the weekend. She was with her best friend from out of town and we really couldn’t talk, but she told me a guy ghosted her after three dates.  When her best friend left, she called me and was very upset and emotional and asked me to come to her apartment. It turns out they were intimate and he left the next day and never called her or communicated with her.

 

We talked through her relationship with the guy and I looked for red flags or things she missed or tolerated. He had communicated several times a day since knowing each other. Then the day before the date he didn’t communicate with her, nor on the day of the date. He just showed up at her apartment. kind of odd?? She did kind of call him out on that to her credit. They had a fun night, but she said something was slightly off.  He left the next day and she didn’t hear from him.

 

She was crushed and I told her you have to always be ready for anything in dating. Always be ready for a curveball. She was very emotional and said we should get back together and part of me wanted to say yes, but I said that would not be smart. I told her we both need to continue down the dating path. Maybe this time we could talk to each other about our dating successes or issues. Initially that was too painful. Her middle and little tendencies were overflowing and it was obvious she really missed that daddy relationship. We were intimate… Over the past several days we did resume our old communication patterns, texts, Memes, etc.

 

Last night was our three year anniversary. She did come over and we had a spectacular night. It’s clear that she misses having a daddy and everything that comes with that. She craves physical touch, affirmation, praise, etc.  I think we both know that there are other significant things that I provide her that are critical to keeping her balanced and grounded. At one point she did say it was useless fighting her desires for me. 
 

Neither one of us had been sleeping well and we had a fantastic night of sleep. She remembers putting her head on my shoulder and then she waking up this morning.  Of course I made her breakfast and packed her lunch today. She loves that… when she left, part of me wanted to ask her where we are now? I did not, but I could see it in her eyes and the dynamics that I think she wants to resume our old relationship. The month apart has given us both time to look at things and maybe do a couple things differently in the future.   I’ve always felt it was good for her to go out and see what the dating world and other guys are like. She did that once before right after college and was underwhelmed by what she saw and experience.

 

I did ask that she not discuss this with her girlfriends. Theyve never met me, but are a huge influence on her And they don’t truly understand her needs and the dynamics of our relationship. They would be very upset with her if they knew she has been with me several times in the recent days.  I”ve met her cousin, socialized with her and her husband and they like me. They want whatever is best for S.  Her cousin told S that she is actually turned on by me… Lol Her cousin is having a big formal wedding in the fall and wanted to invite me to the wedding. So it’s not like I am a bad guy.

 

So I guess we will see where this is headed. As mentioned above, “slow and steady” is the best course, and always be ready for that curveball…..

Edited by Cebakes
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I hope that whatever path you both take leads to feeling fulfilled and happy for both of you, whether that means you continue being together or going your seperate ways and remaining friends.

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Posted (edited)

Very much appreciate your thoughts.

Edited by Cebakes
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  • 3 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

S and I did end up getting back together about one week ago.  There were a number of reasons, and certainly one of them is her love for a dominant man and a daddy Dom.  She craves the attention, direction, guidance, affection, and discipline that I gave her. She said she felt very unsettled without it. 

I think there are some things that we will do differently and that will help our relationship.  Very excited and looking forward to a fun summer. 

 

Edited by Cebakes
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Happy to hear that your journey together will continue. I hope you both have a wonderful summer and that this experience will bring you both closer together and stronger than ever.

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1 hour ago, Vampiress said:

Happy to hear that your journey together will continue. I hope you both have a wonderful summer and that this experience will bring you both closer together and stronger than ever.

Yes, that’s exactly what it is, a journey.   I think we’ve learned some things from basically living together for six months and will focus on how to improve some natural things that many people deal with when living together. I am not perfect, and she is, well a brat…lol  She does have her own apartment so spending a little more time there will be healthier for both of us and make us appreciate our time more. 

For now, I think S saw that walking away from a DDLG relationship was much more difficult than she anticipated.  She needs and craves EVERYTHING that a good daddy Dom provides and she admitted she became very unsettled without it.  Her job as a lead surgical nurse is very demanding and she directs five difficult women. It’s like a hornets nest and she really needs someone to settle her down after work. She also missed me making breakfast, packing her lunch, cooking dinner, cuddles, leg rubs, etc…… 

Unfortunately, the peer pressure from her friends and mom to be out there dating is as strong as ever.  I don’t know if she has told her friends we are back together.
 

So yes, the “journey” continues……

 

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