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He Wasn’t The Right Fit


NaughtayPumpkinLatte
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Most recently, I had been in a relationship of sorts with a potential cg, but I started noticing signs of manipulation and toxicity well before we were exclusive. We had been on a few “dates”, where we did small things like coloring, watching movies, etc. We had talked about bath times and I admitted that having help in the bath was new to me and that I wasn’t super comfortable with them helping me, just yet. That’s when they became aggressive seemingly out of nowhere. They tried pushing me into doing it, then told me that maybe my Little brain was being too cautious and frightened, but if I just let them do whatever, that I’d find that I would get comfortable right away. I found it incredibly inappropriate and I haven’t seen them since and have ignored texts and calls from them.

 

Was I maybe being too sensitive? I don’t know if I was in the wrong in this situation, or not.

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No it was absolutely inappropriate and should be looked at as a preview of things to come from him. His views and expectations did not line up with yours and he should have been able to see that and either changed his behavior or moved on himself.

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You were 100% in the right. No caring person, caregiver or not, trues to force people to do something they aren't ready to do. If a caregiver gets aggressive when you respectfully set your boundaries that is most definitely a huge red flag.
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Seems like said person was just out for one thing. I have never heard about “Getting help in the bath”.. Seems like he was after some sexual activity and when you said no he got pissed off.. That’s not a person worth having around cuz the only thing he seemed to care about was those bath moments then.. Or he would not try to force you and get aggressive
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It's good you love yourself enough not to take that. Anyone who is a right fit will add to your life in a positive way.

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You are completely in the right. I'm proud of you.  It isn't easy for us to say "no" when we feel bullied or manipulated, especially by someone we are just getting to know and are hoping to build a level of trust with.  Continue to be strong in your convictions!  We are here (virtually) supporting you! 

Hugs, Harlee

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They honestly sound like a creep. When a person establishes a boundary the wrong reaction is always going to be aggression and anger. If they don't back off and react with understanding and respect then it's a huge red flag. You did the right thing

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Yeah, no. That was a very dangerous situation. I'm glad you realized and got out. The biggest non-secret in all kinks with some sort of a D/s dynamic, or even if you don't consider it a kink, I know some people don't, but still the biggest non-secret in a relationship with a power dynamic is that the sub holds more power than the Dom. No one likes talking about it because it goes against how we idealize these types of relationships, but it's a must to keep checks and balances for lack of a better term. The person who seemingly holds less power sets the pace or there's a huge risk for abuse. I disagree with the whole bath time thing I've heard of it, but never that early on. I mean, there is something intimate and loving about bathing your little. But this didn't seem like you were their little just yet. 

The best part about kinks is the amount of trust that's needed to be built before you can move deeper into it. I lived in a really disfunctional household as a kid and when I found about about BDSM the first thing I noticed was that if done right, it's probably one of the most healthy relationships you can have, if done wrong, it ends up a lot worse than my childhood. I'm not usually a betting man, but I trust my ability in picking a partner. With time you will grow more comfortable with understanding what a good partner means to you too. 

We all go through it I would think. And I'm sure the whole forum is happy you ended up safe. 

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Thank you so much, everyone, for all the kind words and confirmation that I made the right decision. It means so much to me to read all these wonderful responses! <3
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