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Insecurity…


Asphalt_ruffneck420
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Do you think it’s possible for a person who has sever insecurities be in a dom/sub relationship with another person that has insecurity and sever abandonment issues and it work. I know communication is the most important thing in this type of relationship when my little does communicate I have this bad habit of my insecurities coming out a projection on to her and it has torn us apart to the pony I don’t think she wants to be my little anymore or when she communicates I misunderstand what she’s trying to communicate or say and I cause more problems
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I feel for you and hope you find a way to put that nervous energy some place else. That's the best you can do imo. 

Edited by Daddylyfe
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Thank you for your reply… I hope I can find a way to get over it to I’m just not sure how to
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So I posted on your other topic and suggested a kink friendly therapist that you can have couples counseling with your little/partner but also have solo sessions to work on yourself. I think that two people with that issue can work as long as they actively work on their issues and be understanding and patient with each other. Be careful not to lash out or act in a toxic manner if you're feeling insecure and remind yourself that maybe you're being irrational. It's good if both people are patient and understanding and willing to be patient when the other one is feeling insecure and be open to and willing to be reassuring when the other needs it. If you can't come to an understanding to be proactive and work together in a way that is positive then it will just be a toxic dynamic and will struggle.

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Easiest way to deal with fear of losing someone is stop feeling that you have anyone. Cause you don't, you are simply borrowing them for awhile from life. Be happy completely alone and without them and if they're there, see them as just a perk and bonus to your life. Yeah, that's pretty lonesome sounding and if you found someone as needy and with the same fears as you they probably would be extra-clingy and fearful of losing you constantly projecting the same emotions but that probably wouldn't work ... or if it does it will have a lot of unhealthy aspects. I generally find like attracts like though so inevitably if you keep chasing away gals you will end up with a needy type. 

 

All relationships have expiration dates and there are a rare few exceptions. With this new modern world we live in the expiration dates are sooner and sooner and people are less and less likely to stick. It's just the evolution of relationships now I think...

 

They come up with all sorts of fancy ways to entice and keep people. To keep it fresh and new. To keep the relationship spicy but ultimately most of the time what keeps two people together is 'need of actual stuff'. Like money, or actual emotional support...etc... I don't see any couples together in the long haul unless they're old school other than that group. Some people are just great friends and they get stuck together cause they can't find a better one. If you're a true and sincere friend to 'her' and she sees you as invaluable and you get along like nobodies business you probably will also stick longer. Good luck to you in the endless sea of relationships people have no clue what it is navigating the modern waters and my opinions above are just that, opinions. Good luck on your journey I've been through it buddy and 1 thing I will take away from all this for you:

 

stop worrying about keeping or finding or whatever and enjoy the ride cause ultimately that'll get you farther! 

 

 

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Wow that hit really deep… thank you for your opinion I do appreciate it and it really does help getting other point of views I learned that I suffer from tunnel vision but I think you are right in parts of you views
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So I posted on your other topic and suggested a kink friendly therapist that you can have couples counseling with your little/partner but also have solo sessions to work on yourself. I think that two people with that issue can work as long as they actively work on their issues and be understanding and patient with each other. Be careful not to lash out or act in a toxic manner if you're feeling insecure and remind yourself that maybe you're being irrational. It's good if both people are patient and understanding and willing to be patient when the other one is feeling insecure and be open to and willing to be reassuring when the other needs it. If you can't come to an understanding to be proactive and work together in a way that is positive then it will just be a toxic dynamic and will struggle.

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You are 100% right with this. Even though this post isn’t very old it’s nice to know there’s people out there that have been through some of this stuff and have some advice… as much as it sux all of the toxic traits and trauma that we’ve both been through together things will work out the way they are supposed to. Thank you for your reply
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  • 4 weeks later...
On 5/31/2022 at 3:11 AM, DaddyLovesStars said:

Easiest way to deal with fear of losing someone is stop feeling that you have anyone. Cause you don't, you are simply borrowing them for awhile from life. Be happy completely alone and without them and if they're there, see them as just a perk and bonus to your life. Yeah, that's pretty lonesome sounding and if you found someone as needy and with the same fears as you they probably would be extra-clingy and fearful of losing you constantly projecting the same emotions but that probably wouldn't work ... or if it does it will have a lot of unhealthy aspects. I generally find like attracts like though so inevitably if you keep chasing away gals you will end up with a needy type. 

 

All relationships have expiration dates and there are a rare few exceptions. With this new modern world we live in the expiration dates are sooner and sooner and people are less and less likely to stick. It's just the evolution of relationships now I think...

 

They come up with all sorts of fancy ways to entice and keep people. To keep it fresh and new. To keep the relationship spicy but ultimately most of the time what keeps two people together is 'need of actual stuff'. Like money, or actual emotional support...etc... I don't see any couples together in the long haul unless they're old school other than that group. Some people are just great friends and they get stuck together cause they can't find a better one. If you're a true and sincere friend to 'her' and she sees you as invaluable and you get along like nobodies business you probably will also stick longer. Good luck to you in the endless sea of relationships people have no clue what it is navigating the modern waters and my opinions above are just that, opinions. Good luck on your journey I've been through it buddy and 1 thing I will take away from all this for you:

 

stop worrying about keeping or finding or whatever and enjoy the ride cause ultimately that'll get you farther! 

 

 

I completely disagree. This seems like a very pessimistic point of view. I think once you have found someone and you two like each other with no problems you will know if it's going to be a thing that would stick or not. Sure most of your relationships will fail. But that's bad statistics. If you are looking to settle down of course the last person you are with will be the one you should consider yours and work on keeping. It's a hard journey because you never know what is going to happen. And that fills most people with anxiety. I think the best action is if you feel she checks off what you are looking for AND she is interested in you that's a situation where you should care about losing them or not. 

ultimately the honeymoon phase will end, so keeping things fresh is only a delay tactic. You need to look for someone you are attracted to and have times of quiet and peaceful intimacy along with the crazy endorphin fueled lovey dovey stuff. If you can find someone like that for you I think that's a recipe for a good stable long term relationship. 

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I tend to agree. Once the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship calms down a bit and you can think clearly AND if you truly think about it, the signs are there of whether this is a good fit or not. Often times since we are human and social creatures, we ignore the obvious signs whether the relationship will work or not . Granted, some "signs" take time to manifest but here is my take, this may seem jaded  a tidge but at my age I admit, I fell for the lust/ stars in the eyes trap too.

Example: This only applies to in person as I can't see it applying until the couple has met. Say you meet each other for the first time at a bar, social gathering, dance club, etc. Say there is drinking or "herb" going on, even without that, your mind can still become clouded by emotion, excitement or lust. Say you go home with one another and bump uglies. You date for awhile, never really having the "serious" relationship conversation ( asking serious questions, background checks, etc), ignoring signs,still enamored by each other. So spell bound you don't look for or even SEE obvious signs that things might not be right. You move in with one another months later. Unless the hard work is done, I can see that particular couple in 5 years, sitting around the dinner table stuck on their phones, or making idle chit-chat. Not really knowing one another, truly for the good and the bad..Daily maintenance ( think of a garden it needs constant attention and nurturing)and  genuine work is how strong long term relationships ( that are healthy) last.

To me, friendship is always first. I always hold friendships to a high level as romance fades but friendship gets you the ups and downs. The romance and intimacy, bonds you and keeps the "in love" energy going. Friendship is the foundation of the house you build together.

Just my opinion...right or wrong, which is constantly changing and evolving as I learn through this thing called life. Thank you all for sharing.

Edited by tangible~ soul
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