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Littles during couple's arguments


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Hi Everyone 

I'm a little! 

I'm curious if littles are expected to be big during a fight with their partner. 

For context, sometimes my partner gets upset with me for how I've spoken or phrased something. 
In my mind, I imagine a DaddyDom would pause the conversation and discuss with me calmly about how I've spoken. Explaining to me why particular words could be not nice, or asking me if I've thought about other aspects of points of view etc 

Instead, my experience has been that my partner gets hurt feelings, shuts down and I need to coax the issue out of him and then comfort him. This for me, means I have to be big? 

Is it selfish of me to want to be little in these moments? Or is it unfair for me to want my partner to not need comfort so much as to take it as a teaching/bonding moment for me? I don't say mean things on purpose, and I always try to be good. I'm sometimes a little bratty but in a playful way - and I always try to be well behaved. Really I do. 

Would love some thoughts on what is a fair and realistic way to be a little, but during harder times of a relationship. 

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I think it depends...if you are little when the fight/disagreement starts...it should be talked about while you are still little. Same as if you are big and something happens, it should be talked about while you are still big. Maybe this is just how I function, but little me has very big feelings and isn't very good at being logical...and I can't just flip the switch to suddenly be "big" and fix/resolve something that I did while little. It makes more sense for it to be discussed while I am actually little.

There have been times where after I am little I had to talk with my previous daddy while big about things I said/did while little..but those were after we had talked about them while I was little and then we decided to approach it again while big. Everyone will be different, it could be a mixture for some people. Using code words or maybe having your partner/daddy/caregiver have the talk with you while you are little, and then again once you are big might help. 

And, it does sound like maybe you & your partner should sit down and maybe come up with ideas to help ease the communication problems. Maybe if/when they shut down they can write down the issue, or text it, or maybe they just need time before it's approached. Maybe there are certain words or things that to them seem rude but to you aren't...it sucks but sometimes sitting down and hashing these things out is the best way to go about it so the issues don't end up slowly getting worse & worse over time.

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I think people are going to have different opinions, I think mine differs a bit from WigglyBun's.

If you are an age regressor that does so as a psychological coping mechanism (like you can't help it), I think it's fair to say that it has to be handled as a little, or your caregiver should wait until you're no longer regressed to address it as your "big self."

If this is not a psychological coping mechanism, I would assume that all couples issues should be handled on the same level... no power exchange, no being little/big, but being equals figuring out an issue. However, it's fair to say that you can also figure out rules for handling issues with your partner and figure out what's best for both of you.

I would try to look at this from your partner's perspective. This is a kink, and once their feelings are hurt they probably don't want to engage in it in the moment, hence their desire for you to be big and handle it like equals and adults... which honestly is the most fair thing here. Imagine if they used power exchange in an argument and silenced your issues or wouldn't let you speak? It's good that they're still willing to talk and wanting to do so on an even field.

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I definitely get the desire for being little still when these are addressed. And I also agree that it depends on the situation. If you make a mistake while little, they should probably approach your little side for the discussion in terms the little brain will process. But we are still adults and Daddies/caregivers are still human. Communicating is the only way this remains a fun, healthy, and safe way to be together.

I think it’s not too much to ask for some comfort from your partner when hurt, by them or otherwise. But there should be a system in place to communicate the need instead of withdrawing and causing the guilty feelings to pull the Little out of their Little Space. This will only cause these hard feelings and desire to be comforted yourself because of the jarring exit from a comfortable and soothing headspace.

I had an experience where my former Daddy would instigate arguments then gaslight me by saying I turned it into an issue when I was reacting to an issue presented to me. I’d always reach out and be the one seeking the resolving of issues and only once got the comfort myself from one of those issues when it was clear I was just about distraught from the situation.

I give that anecdote as a way to show a point. We all need comfort but we also need proper communication. You should definitely get the gentle correction you desire if the situation is calling for it. But there are times when that might also be the icing on a really bad cake of a day and he needs some help. A lot of these desires to have comfort from both sides can be helped and worked through together in an adult space mutually before hand, and by setting up your best path for communication. I think both WigglyBun and Vampiress make great points. And my response might be a bit long winded and feel repetitive at this point. But I’m ultimately trying to make sure you remember that your both human and both of you need to work together for the balance that works best for your relationship. Make sure you get your needs met and his needs met equally. 

I hope the responses you’ve gotten help. And I hope you and your Daddy find the path to communication and meeting of your needs together. Good luck and find your best space together!

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Ddlg rel is betweentwo adults, so this meta-probem should be talked between those adults. Your daddy has as many rights as you do and his feelings matter too.

However, personally I would find dude who gets super easily upset as someone who I would have issues to feel respect or sexual desire. To me it would be okay if once or twice I accidentally happen to poke the other person, and therefore need to fix the situation as they clearly are upset. That happens. But if this would be a reoccuring theme, I would easily see them weak and undaddylike. So, I can sympathise your situation: ideal ( imo ) would be that minor accidents could be talked in the little space -sort of teaching session-, and it would be something to deepen the dynamic. Obviously this requires that the situation is not deeply hurting to the daddy but just something maybe annoying. If the situations are more severe than just bad phrasing, those of course require adult talk.

If he feels super upset then he does, and it probably means he can't handle being daddy in the moment anymore. If that is the case, there really is nothing you can do except accept how he is, and how he can't give you these "teaching sessions". Some people just can't handle a lot, and can be sort of oversensitive: they need to be accepted as they are. Some poeple then again try to control situation with this sort of "upset" which is manipulation and negative use of power. Some have fragile selfesteem or deep wounds from past which require healing before they stop reacting to smallest references to their issues/nasty past. Or maybe you really say something absolutely horrible -thou based on your writing, it doesn't seem so- and they have right to get super upset.

Anyhow, talk with him about this meta-problem of yours, and try to see why he behaves as he does. And if you are okay with it.

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