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Desperately need help in the emotional care department. Please help


DaddyRedWolf
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Newish Daddy here. My wife who is also my little introduced me to DDLG about a year ago. Due to the fact that we were married we took things slow as not to cause any problems and make sure that we were doing the right thing for us. We both love it and have found a beautiful DDLG relationship together. We have also recently had our first child (male). Lately the problems we have run into are completely my fault.... I suck at aftercare.... I've done research but all I can find is immediately after a session aftercare. Usually the day after my little and I session she seems like something is bothering her so I ask what's wrong and she says shes fine, so i, knowing something is wrong, scoot over to her and stay by her and keep checking in every so often. I know i should have been giving her more attention at those moments but she usually gets pissed and snaps if i push that something is bothering her.... so lately she has finally opened up and talked to me about it after i inquire about it a couple of times and the issue is a sub drop, which i have never heard of until yesterday. After we session I cuddle her and do snacks and movies and sooth her hurts and so on, but the issue lies in the fact that the next morning i am emotionally ok and have been assuming that she was back to normal minus feeling sore a little. We are in a rough patch at the moment due to this.  .... I guess what I am asking for is advice/ personal experiences and how do i comfort her now from making her feel left alone and like I used her and don't care about her the way a Daddy should. How do I show her that she means everything to me....does anyone have advice on sub drops and emotional dumps the day after a session? I feel like the worst Daddy in the world, I never wanted to hurt my little and honestly though she was ok, only to find out that I had been making her feel empty and used for days after. Am I a bad Daddy. I am trying not to beat myself up over this but i just feel so guilty... I should have known and I didn't, I wasn't there for my little girl in her time of need. please help me get pointed in the right direction here.

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thank you for the link. i will read when i get the chance. Met someone who helped me through this and my little and i are fine. i was just frazzled as I had never had a outlet for my emotions. this is a good website

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thank you for the link. i will read when i get the chance. Met someone who helped me through this and my little and i are fine. i was just frazzled as I had never had a outlet for my emotions. this is a good website

 

Your welcome

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Guest MyDaddyMyWorld

I'm a little confused really. Sounds like you are being very much there for here. I suppose I'm still very new to all of this, but I only need aftercare immediately after the event, not days after. Yes we are all different of course, but to me it sounds like you are doing your best.

And trust me, I am a very emotional person.

Maybe its some issues with tou changing your relationship to this type. If you have been together a while, it can be quite difficult to get used to fully when she is used to strictly vanilla.

The biggest part of any relationship, but maybe even more so for this kind, is communication. Talk to her on a day where her mind isn't "there" in that mood. Leave a space open to talk, not within a couple of days after a session.

Ask her what she wants you to do, find out what actually goes through her mind, come up with ideas together.

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Guest buddhagirl

I actually read this and thought the exact same thing as MyDaddyMyWorld (which is not at all unusual, actually). I think you are doing what you should, and that it is not the "norm" to need aftercare so long after the session or play. Now, maybe, this is just how she is and she will always need it, but it makes me wonder if something else is at play that is causing her to feel alone or sad for so long. I'm a HIGHLY sensitive, emotional person, and my sub-drop usually lasts about as long as it takes for Daddy to pull me close, stroke my hair and tell me I'm a good girl, he loves me and he's proud of me.  :wub:

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Guest buddhagirl
Oh, just thought of something that might help when I woke up this morning. A long time ago Daddy had me start a journal that I write my thoughts, needs and feelings in about our Daddy/little girl dynamic. One of my chores is to write something everyday and Daddy reviews and we talk about it once a week. This has been a life saver for us! It surfaces my fears and needs in a way that is positive, open and reassuring. Daddy can see areas that we can focus on together, like me being too hard on myself or needing more reassurance from Daddy even though it's hard to ask for. You might try this for a while and tell her to write down her feelings everyday.
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  • 4 months later...

Now I feel like a weirdo.

 

I usually need the typical cuddles and loves and help me drink some water after a session. But I usually feel a million times worse the day after.

 

I've realized its not a drop from the scene. Its a drop from the aftercare. "You were so cuddly and lovey and taking extra good care of me last night but now that its a new day you left me all alone to wake up by myself and why don't I matter as much today as I did last night what did I ddoooo??? *tears*".

 

And yes, it feels as ridiculous as it sounds.

 

It took me a long time to figure out just because I felt so silly that I didn't want to talk about it. I just told myself to stop being dumb. Which made it even worse.

 

I don't know if this was the same problem you guys were having. I just figured I would share how it was for me so that if anyone else was having a similar problem they could possibly identify it.

 

All it took was making sure I didn't wake up alone. Being brought a cup of coffee and getting my hair petted for a few minutes and some forehead kisses and asking how I'm feeling fixes me right up.

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To me personally it seems a little strange that your little would be experiencing sub drop after EVERY session. Unless you guys play really hard, I can't imagine that her hormones would be disrupted to the point of needing it always. But recently having had a kid might have changed some things inside her too.

 

I think EmeraldFaye has a great idea of trying to remind her shes your little princess first thing in the morning. Planning play around your days off so you can be there for her or leaving her a nice note next to the coffee maker might make a world of difference. Buddhagirl's idea of a journal is great too, if you don't already. My Daddy figures out a lot about my bad feelings by reading my journal and it has been hands down the most useful tool in developing our D/s relationship.

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Guest NewYorkDaddy

Newish Daddy here. My wife who is also my little introduced me to DDLG about a year ago. Due to the fact that we were married we took things slow as not to cause any problems and make sure that we were doing the right thing for us. We both love it and have found a beautiful DDLG relationship together. We have also recently had our first child (male). Lately the problems we have run into are completely my fault.... I suck at aftercare.... I've done research but all I can find is immediately after a session aftercare. Usually the day after my little and I session she seems like something is bothering her so I ask what's wrong and she says shes fine, so i, knowing something is wrong, scoot over to her and stay by her and keep checking in every so often. I know i should have been giving her more attention at those moments but she usually gets pissed and snaps if i push that something is bothering her.... so lately she has finally opened up and talked to me about it after i inquire about it a couple of times and the issue is a sub drop, which i have never heard of until yesterday. After we session I cuddle her and do snacks and movies and sooth her hurts and so on, but the issue lies in the fact that the next morning i am emotionally ok and have been assuming that she was back to normal minus feeling sore a little. We are in a rough patch at the moment due to this.  .... I guess what I am asking for is advice/ personal experiences and how do i comfort her now from making her feel left alone and like I used her and don't care about her the way a Daddy should. How do I show her that she means everything to me....does anyone have advice on sub drops and emotional dumps the day after a session? I feel like the worst Daddy in the world, I never wanted to hurt my little and honestly though she was ok, only to find out that I had been making her feel empty and used for days after. Am I a bad Daddy. I am trying not to beat myself up over this but i just feel so guilty... I should have known and I didn't, I wasn't there for my little girl in her time of need. please help me get pointed in the right direction here.

It is good to question yourself but take a step back and think. There could be an underlying issue with her as well. I suggest getting professional help. She may be having a bit of post-partum depression or even something else. Frankly, it sounds like you're doing everything right. Get her looked at, there is no shame in seeking a different opinion.

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