Kitten_16 Posted November 15, 2015 Report Share Posted November 15, 2015 Okay, I met this guy and he is really really nice. He makes me feel like a pretty princes.. BUT, he has a vanilla wife. They are in the process of getting a divorce, but it may take a while and since patience isn't a strong suit of mine it creates a HUGE problem... They have an agreement that they could have other relationships. Here's where the kicker is, He said they had an agreement but he WONT TELL HER ABOUT ME! I want to be able to talk to him without having to stay up super late (we are in different time zones.) The easy thing to do is to just tell her so we can talk right? Well, he wont... It makes me feel really sad and sick to my tummy sometimes because sometimes I need him and he cant be there for me.. Since he wont tell her it makes me think that something between them is still going on.. Am I justified to be angry and sad or am I overreacting? What should I do? He tells me to be patient but I feel like it will never ever ever get better.. What if it only gets worse? Im rambling... The point is, what should I do? (She has to take medicine that makes her loose the interest to have sex which is why they aren't together anymore in case anyone was wondering..) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaddysLolita Posted November 15, 2015 Report Share Posted November 15, 2015 Run. Multiple things raise red flags to me. If they're getting divorced why do they need an agreement to see other people? If there is an agreement why won't he tell her? It's just fishy, imho. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CuddleMonster89 Posted November 15, 2015 Report Share Posted November 15, 2015 Yeah this seems very suspicious. It makes sense to think something between him and his wife is still going on. I'm wondering if he doesn't want to tell his wife about you because he hasn't actually told her he wants to divorce her yet. If he was really getting a divorce, he would be able and willing to tell her, and like DaddysLolita said there wouldn't be any need for an agreement to see other people - it would just be a given since the marriage is over. If he's willing to hide you from his wife, it's not unreasonable to suspect that he's lying and not actually getting a divorce. I think it would be fine if he just didn't want to tell his vanilla wife that you're a little or into DD/lg, since that may out him to his wife that he's into DD/lg and kink/bdsm stuff, though he should still be able to tell her you exist and that he's been talking to you, and it sounds like he's not willing to do that. You are completely justified in feeling upset that he can't talk to you during reasonable hours. You need someone you can talk to without needing to stay up super late, and it sounds like he can't satisfy that need. If he can't or is unwilling to satisfy your needs, you two probably aren't compatible for a relationship. If he suddenly turns things around - tells his wife about you, and starts being able to be there for you and is able to communicate at reasonable hours of the day - I would recommend asking for proof of his divorce - ask for a copy of the divorce papers - so you can verify that he's actually getting a divorce. If he's telling the truth he should have no problem providing evidence to back up his word. Though assuming you've already told him you need him to tell his wife about you, and told him you need to talk to him without needing to stay up super late, and he's clearly unwilling or unable to satisfy these needs, I would recommend breaking up with him. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LexiGremlin Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 I say end it. Immediately. Red flags there. My sperm donor started dating my mom when he was still married. He had a whole other apartment and everything that he was having her sleep in. His wife and kids lived in the next state over. He had an apartment closer to his job because he told his wife that it was "easier" to stay there for the week rather than commute back and forth. My mom didn't even know until AFTER they got married. He didn't even divorce his wife until a few months before his wedding with my mom. Needless to say, she divorced his ass REAL quick. But men can be sneaky. And there are warning signs. I was in a poly-relationship. Both people knew about each other. We got together as a group or just as a couple depending, but the point is we KNEW about each other so there was no weirdness. NOTE: NOT ALL MEN. AND WOMEN CAN BE JUST AS SNEAKY AS MEN SO NO FLAMING ABOUT ME "DISCRIMINATING." EDIT: i just read the part about the medication. It sounds like he's looking for less than a relationship. Because honestly if he really loved her he wouldn't be supposedly divorcing her just because she doesn't want sex. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess-P Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Absolutely get out. Fast. When someone is done with a relationship they are done. If he was actually getting a divorce he would be all moved out. People don't live together until the papers are signed. And he definetly wouldn't need an agreement to see anyone else. As for leaving his wife because her medication makes her have no desire for sex?... What???... So he is telling you he's leaving a woman he supposedly loved enough to make a life with, for who knows how long, all because he can't get his dick wet? Oh and he's going to leave her and be happy in a long distance relationship (I'm assuming as you mentioned different time zones) where he will also not be getting and real sex? I'm sorry if that's harsh but honestly would you want someone like that in your life? Who says they are leaving their sick or possibly mental I'll wife just because of sex? And honestly think that their cover story BS they give you is 100% truth? Red flags all over this story. Get out. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LexiGremlin Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 As for leaving his wife because her medication makes her have no desire for sex?... What???... So he is telling you he's leaving a woman he supposedly loved enough to make a life with, for who knows how long, all because he can't get his dick wet? Oh and he's going to leave her and be happy in a long distance relationship (I'm assuming as you mentioned different time zones) where he will also not be getting and real sex? I 100% agree with that statement. He seems like he is NOT a nice guy and he just wants sex. And he is willing to cheat on his wife and manipulate innocent women to do it. Get out. Because you do NOT want to be the other woman. And if he DOES leave his wife and gets with you, he'll do the same thing to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MyDaddyMyWorld Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Oh dear. You hit the nail on the head in the title. Run away. Also, unrelated to the topic, but it's incredibly difficult to read the pink fancy text. Maybe use a better, clearer, and darker font. I gave up halfway through. But back to the topic, I only heeded to read half of it to pretty much do a bit of a face palm. We have all been played. Learn and move on. And never get involved with a married man. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kyril Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 I 100% agree with that statement. He seems like he is NOT a nice guy and he just wants sex. And he is willing to cheat on his wife and manipulate innocent women to do it. Get out. Because you do NOT want to be the other woman. And if he DOES leave his wife and gets with you, he'll do the same thing to you. Couldn't have said it better. He doesn't love you at all nor cares about you. It's really obvious what he wants and is probably doing the same thing with other girls. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MyDaddyMyWorld Posted November 16, 2015 Report Share Posted November 16, 2015 Yeah. Nice guys don't have secret girls behind their wives backs. He's a douche. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitten_16 Posted November 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2015 Thanks for all of the advice guys, it was DEFINITELY appreciated!! I have no idea what I would do without the forum.. Thanks again everyone <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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