I need some advice and help.

[Lee95]

Hello, I'm new, and I'm married.

My wife has been my little for almost as long as we've been in a relationship. But lately she has been going through a lot, with the loss of her grandmother, and now her grandfather being diagnosed with a terminal illness and being bedridden. 

 

With everything going on I didnt know how to make her feel better, so I was just there for her or at least try to be there for her when she needed me. 

 

Yesterday she wanted to have private time, but due to everything I had going on that day, I was exhausted and not in the mood. 

 

Unfortunately the combination of stress on my end and her end came to a climax, and I may have said or did somthing that hurt her, to be honest, im not sure. But I've broke my little. She was really distant this morning and I finally found out what it was. Apparently I hurt her so much she doesn't want to be a little anymore. Let's just say, I don't want her to be so mad at me that she looses a peice of herself. 

 

I'm here today asking if there is anything I can do to help her step into her little space again or what I should do to help her in general. I know she's hurting a lot, and I contributed to it in some way, and I want to be there for her.

 

Leaving her, finding a new little or related suggestions are not an option. No matter what, I still love her, and that will never change. 

Edited September 24, 2022 by Lee95

[Cebakes]

It’s not surprising that she can’t go into little space with the traumatic events that are going on.   You need to identify what upset her and communicate to her that you are sorry and that won’t happen again. It sounds like you realize you did something to upset her and probably know what it is.  I would do some nice things for her and give her some space. I’m sure when the time is right, she will fall back into little space.

[Guest UnicornPuff]

Having just got out of a relationship where a sudden and very hurtful thing affected my ability to be little, try giving her time and letting her know how much you really do love her. I have not felt little in a few weeks because of the hurt. What I needed most was time and attention. I do hope you can work through this. 

[shadowrider]

 I'm sorry to hear you are both going through a rough time.

 May sound odd from someone here but I would not worry as much about your partner's little space as I would mending the rift that caused this reaction. Whether you hurt her while she was little or big, it sounds like this hurt transcends headspace. You need to communicate as adults and get to the core of the problem. Once you have that figured out you can begin to help them heal and get back to a better place. Don't try to fix everything at once. Talk to her and find the cause, then see what the 2 of you can come up with as a solution. Work through this together and you will be stronger as a couple when you get to the other side.

 It seems like you know the cause but I'm not 100% on that. From the little you wrote my guess would be she feels rejected since you did not want private time when she did. When going through rough waters sometimes we need a life jacket, I assume you are hers. Private time could have been her way of reaching for her life jacket. If she felt you rejected her that could cause her to have doubts and negative feelings. I am not saying you were wrong for expressing your feelings and not being in the mood, we all have those times. But from the little info you gave us I feel this could be a part of it. 

I hope you work through this and can get back to a better place soon.

[Guest]

Adding on to shadow's advice, which honestly is exactly what you need to do right now. 

Quote

Whether you hurt her while she was little or big, it sounds like this hurt transcends headspace. You need to communicate as adults and get to the core of the problem.

You and her need to rebuild the foundation of security so she can feel safe to slip into little space. and shadows advice here is exactly what you need to get to that again. and  even more importantly is fixing any issues you may have in the relationship and open up communication!

[baby_k]

Time heals. And proper apology with talking.

I'm sure she loves you too and that sort fo bond is not easily broken. Which means after the initial shock, and maybe apology she probably starts to wish that things were like they were before. And at that point you can work together to rebuild your relationship.

I have had incidents where I thought somethings was broken for good, there would be no trust anymore. But honestly speaking I was just being bit overly dramatic and not seeing things clearly because of the hurt and shock reaction. After things cooled off a bit and I could see how sorry and concerned my partner was, and how he wanted to work things out, I started to feel better. And after long conversations I could see that he had not mean anyhthing bad and didn't think poorly of me. That slowly melted away the hurt I thought had caused things to break for good. In reality it brought us closer together because we had to talk in really deep level and be vulnerable with each other, and it helped to see the love and respect that always had been there.

 

Edit: and not being able to be little with your partner nor at all is typically just a reaction to hurt feeling and insecurity. Those can be worked out together. Or when it happends in ending relationship, people will eventually heal by themselves with time. There is several cases like that also in the forum where some little is extremely worried because they feel like they can never be little anymore because of what happened to them. But eventually it will be okay.

Edited September 25, 2022 by baby_k

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

19 hours ago, Lee95 said:

Hello, I'm new, and I'm married.

My wife has been my little for almost as long as we've been in a relationship. But lately she has been going through a lot, with the loss of her grandmother, and now her grandfather being diagnosed with a terminal illness and being bedridden. 

 

With everything going on I didnt know how to make her feel better, so I was just there for her or at least try to be there for her when she needed me. 

 

Yesterday she wanted to have private time, but due to everything I had going on that day, I was exhausted and not in the mood. 

 

Unfortunately the combination of stress on my end and her end came to a climax, and I may have said or did somthing that hurt her, to be honest, im not sure. But I've broke my little. She was really distant this morning and I finally found out what it was. Apparently I hurt her so much she doesn't want to be a little anymore. Let's just say, I don't want her to be so mad at me that she looses a peice of herself. 

 

I'm here today asking if there is anything I can do to help her step into her little space again or what I should do to help her in general. I know she's hurting a lot, and I contributed to it in some way, and I want to be there for her.

 

Leaving her, finding a new little or related suggestions are not an option. No matter what, I still love her, and that will never change. 

My advice is you need to reach out IMMEDIATELY to a marriage counseling center, and preferably one that is kink-positive. Doing this without professional help is a bad idea and is miserly. Moreover, the wait time to get in to counseling is months long in many places, so starting now is wise as if you wait until things get even worse, you'll have that big wait ahead of you and your relationship may self-terminate before you can get in to see a specialist.

What I would do in your shoes is:

1. Call your insurance company to get a list of providers in your area who take your insurance
2. Call several of them and find one you like and get an appointment scheduled for both of you as a couple and ALSO for you as an individual
3. Go to your wife and say, "Honey, I wanted to say I'm really sorry for losing my cool with you the other day and for saying something hurtful to you. I know I can't ever take my words back, but I hope you'll be willing to hear me when I say I did not mean them and I wish so badly that I could take them back. To show that I am contrite and willing to change, I've scheduled us for marriage counseling and I've also enrolled myself in counseling so that I can unpack why I got so angry and upset that I lashed out verbally in a way that hurt you so badly. I don't ever want to do that again. I recognize how good things have been between us historically and I want very badly to get back to that place of trust and vulnerability again. Please, will you go with me to counseling and work toward forgiveness and reconciliation?"

I think if you make an earnest appeal like that and she says NO to it, there's not really anything more that you can do other than keep a level head, give her space and time, and work on yourself in counseling.

[Onesie]

I believe with all my heart littles and Daddies are born that way.  She may feel that way now. But, with effort on your part, I bet she will change her mind.

Daddies need to understand what it means to have someone give herself to you. She obeys you, follows your rules, submits to your punishments. It's your responsibility to take care of her no matter what's going on with you. That's what Daddies do.

And Littles need to understand Daddies are human. You made a mistake but even I can tell how sorry you are. Do your best to show that and make it up to her.

[beanbean]

sounds like there is so much going on reach out to her and comfort her as her husband and let things flow naturally she needs you right now

[StraightTopDaddy]

You know what I would of done?

I would of gotten her a huge boquete of red roses, A big box of expensive chocolates, and a nice bottle of wine.

Then I would just scoop her up, put her on my lap and hug her and kiss her, look into her eyes. Smile. More hugging and kissing.

Brush her hair. Tell her how pretty and wonderful she is. Apolagize to her.

Keep doing this. I cant imagine many women who can defend themselves against all of this.

Oh  and next time she needs some private time, she gets it. Right?