How do I make my Daddy feel more loved and appreciated?

[Onasunbeam]

Hi everyone~~ I'm pretty new on here, super excited about it, and seeking some advice from Cgs/Daddies/Mommies. Basically, my Daddy and I have fallen into a really rough patch for a lot of different reasons and I'm trying to work on things and help fix it. His biggest complaint is that he doesn't feel loved and appreciated by me. I personally think it comes from the fact that I have a crazy demanding job and a lot of hobbies. Like a 5am-5pm or 8am-8pm kinda job and solo hobbies like playing switch (by myself). Social activity can make me feel really exhausted at times and that includes with people close to me...so he doesn't feel like there's much space for him in all of that. We're almost at the point of breaking up which really hurts because it wasn't always like this. He used to be a lot more tolerant of how much work I do and alone time I need, but over time it's really worn on him which is understandable. Anyone else would probably have stuck with me for far less time. 

Aside from just managing my schedule better and being present when we finally do get bonding time, which I know are things I have to work on, what are some things that make you guys feel loved and appreciated as Cgs/Daddies/Mommies? I could really use your advice and ideas here.. Thank you 

Age: 30
Pronouns: She/her
Little Age: Even though I have some experience with my Daddy I've never been able to pin this down. I'd say def on the high end of the middle spectrum...
Name: You can call me Kai
Role: Middle-ish/Rope master
Location: Northeast

[DaddyRaven]

What I'd do is have a long talk with your daddy.  Discuss everything that's going on between the two of u, let him open up to why he's getting more frustrated and work on ways to fix that but at the same time, let him know that as much as you care for him, he also has to respect who you are and that at times, you need time to yourself.  Nothing wrong with needing your time but by talking with him to get him to open up and listening to each other, so the time you do spend together is quality time.  In my own case, I'd rather spend an hour a day with the right person when we connect than to spend all day together but really being miles apart emotionally, if you get what I mean.  

[Ricky Harleman,]

Does your daddy want more control over you??? Some daddy like if you give him more. He not getting to feel like a daddy to you, so he not having the filament like he use to. Need to try to get back to the beginning when you guys got together. 

Like the other Daddy said as well is true, do that to get more of a insight in to why he feeling that way. Some time it good to be adults and talk like it, so you know you both are getting what you want out of it your life together. 

Another idea, you want to play your switch, why not be in your daddy lap and he can hold you while you play. it something small you do together but still have your alone time. Don't have to talk. holding you make him feel like he your big daddy and keeping you safe, while you be alone and play your game but still know your daddy arm is keeping you safe. Ya I know your really not by yourself but it how you go about it that make it how it is.

Another thing you could try, maybe giving him more control of your day to day life. Don't just do something, But ask your daddy first. Like, "Daddy, can I play my switch please, and can you hold me", " Daddy, can I go out with friends", "Daddy, I'm Hungary, can you make me something please??" "Daddy, I feel like you pushing me away, am I being a bad girl to much, and you not loving me any more??"

It how you ask, A lot of time, you tell someone your doing something or asking in a adult voice, and not asking your daddy, or not showing you need him as your daddy. So there a lot of things. maybe you need stricter punishments as well, or you brake a rule but not getting punishments for them seen it seem like you wont do them anyways. 

Need to ask your daddy things to know what he thinking but also think about your day-to-day life and think, "I'm I being the little I need to be, Should I be doing things differently, have I been following daddy rule like I post to and doing the punishments or am I lying to get out of them, etc." There a lot and it different for everyone. After you think it over, ask your daddy if you can sit down and talk it over  things as adults seen something been bugging you.

 

Hope this helps you  at all and also give you lots  of insight on different things, Wish you the best of luck.

[Guest]

woo this is a big topic and these two have really covered a lot of the advice I would say to do. 

While I know you directed this question to CGs, I did talk over this topic with mine and his first big questions were:

• Are you two in an In person dynamic (ie you two are seeing each other frequently or living together) or an online dynamic (no less valid, just different) but this distinction does change how you can create connection and closeness with your daddy

If it is an in person dynamic, try alot of the suggestions Ricky gave, try to take your solo activities and do them in close proximity or snuggled with your partner. Even asking for stuff more to make your CG feel more needed can help.

Our only addition to that is: Dont force yourself to play a role you are not wanting to be in, just to satisfy your partner (ie acting or using little space when you are not wanting to be in that space) that will only sour the experience if you are forcing yourself into a role you arent happy to be in, and that will only make you feel more disconnected from your partner. 

If its an online dynamic or solely virtual, then you may try being in a voice call or video call on either discord, skype or some other service so that you two can be "with" each other but still be enjoying your solo activities. maybe send him pictures of your day ie your lunch, a pretty bird you seen, picture of your surroundings at work to make him feel like hes there with you. 

• How long have you two been together? 

Relationships, just like with anything, goes through changes and evolves. You two may be moving out of the "honeymoon" "new relationship" rose colored glasses and hearts phase and starting to shift to a new part of your relationship. This is not a bad thing but it also means you two won't be ignoring the little frustrations you may have with each other, the things that you either ignored or didn't notice at the start. 

We suggest you do as raven said and talk to your daddy in an adult space, ask him what has changed that wasnt the same at the start? Is he just now realizing that he wants more attention placed on him, and is that something you can give? 

 

We hope this helps ^-^

[Onasunbeam]

On 10/18/2022 at 9:07 PM, DaddyRaven said:

What I'd do is have a long talk with your daddy.  Discuss everything that's going on between the two of u, let him open up to why he's getting more frustrated and work on ways to fix that but at the same time, let him know that as much as you care for him, he also has to respect who you are and that at times, you need time to yourself.  Nothing wrong with needing your time but by talking with him to get him to open up and listening to each other, so the time you do spend together is quality time.  In my own case, I'd rather spend an hour a day with the right person when we connect than to spend all day together but really being miles apart emotionally, if you get what I mean.  

Thanks so much for the thoughts and being understanding of both sides. I think if I tell him how much quality time means to me, instead of just random time where we're in the same room but it isn't meaningful, maybe it'll help him to understand. I'm not trying to avoid him or ignore him, but I just need more alone time than other people and a focus on quality time vs quantity.

[Onasunbeam]

On 10/18/2022 at 10:09 PM, Daddy Ricky said:

Does your daddy want more control over you??? Some daddy like if you give him more. He not getting to feel like a daddy to you, so he not having the filament like he use to. Need to try to get back to the beginning when you guys got together. 

Like the other Daddy said as well is true, do that to get more of a insight in to why he feeling that way. Some time it good to be adults and talk like it, so you know you both are getting what you want out of it your life together. 

Another idea, you want to play your switch, why not be in your daddy lap and he can hold you while you play. it something small you do together but still have your alone time. Don't have to talk. holding you make him feel like he your big daddy and keeping you safe, while you be alone and play your game but still know your daddy arm is keeping you safe. Ya I know your really not by yourself but it how you go about it that make it how it is.

Another thing you could try, maybe giving him more control of your day to day life. Don't just do something, But ask your daddy first. Like, "Daddy, can I play my switch please, and can you hold me", " Daddy, can I go out with friends", "Daddy, I'm Hungary, can you make me something please??" "Daddy, I feel like you pushing me away, am I being a bad girl to much, and you not loving me any more??"

It how you ask, A lot of time, you tell someone your doing something or asking in a adult voice, and not asking your daddy, or not showing you need him as your daddy. So there a lot of things. maybe you need stricter punishments as well, or you brake a rule but not getting punishments for them seen it seem like you wont do them anyways. 

Need to ask your daddy things to know what he thinking but also think about your day-to-day life and think, "I'm I being the little I need to be, Should I be doing things differently, have I been following daddy rule like I post to and doing the punishments or am I lying to get out of them, etc." There a lot and it different for everyone. After you think it over, ask your daddy if you can sit down and talk it over  things as adults seen something been bugging you.

 

Hope this helps you  at all and also give you lots  of insight on different things, Wish you the best of luck.

Thanks for taking the time to lay all this out. For me personally, I definitely am more on the bratty spectrum and really do not like to be controlled, and he understands and respects that for the most part. But I totally agree with you that sometimes he probably needs that comforting feeling that he's guiding and protecting me. I could probably be a lot better at giving him that gratification. And ditto for the lap cuddles. We haven't done that in so long cause of all the disagreements, and it's killing me. It's one of the best feelings in the world and I'm fighting to get us back to that place 

[Onasunbeam]

12 hours ago, Alana_Lala said:

woo this is a big topic and these two have really covered a lot of the advice I would say to do. 

While I know you directed this question to CGs, I did talk over this topic with mine and his first big questions were:

• Are you two in an In person dynamic (ie you two are seeing each other frequently or living together) or an online dynamic (no less valid, just different) but this distinction does change how you can create connection and closeness with your daddy

If it is an in person dynamic, try alot of the suggestions Ricky gave, try to take your solo activities and do them in close proximity or snuggled with your partner. Even asking for stuff more to make your CG feel more needed can help.

Our only addition to that is: Dont force yourself to play a role you are not wanting to be in, just to satisfy your partner (ie acting or using little space when you are not wanting to be in that space) that will only sour the experience if you are forcing yourself into a role you arent happy to be in, and that will only make you feel more disconnected from your partner. 

If its an online dynamic or solely virtual, then you may try being in a voice call or video call on either discord, skype or some other service so that you two can be "with" each other but still be enjoying your solo activities. maybe send him pictures of your day ie your lunch, a pretty bird you seen, picture of your surroundings at work to make him feel like hes there with you. 

• How long have you two been together? 

Relationships, just like with anything, goes through changes and evolves. You two may be moving out of the "honeymoon" "new relationship" rose colored glasses and hearts phase and starting to shift to a new part of your relationship. This is not a bad thing but it also means you two won't be ignoring the little frustrations you may have with each other, the things that you either ignored or didn't notice at the start. 

We suggest you do as raven said and talk to your daddy in an adult space, ask him what has changed that wasnt the same at the start? Is he just now realizing that he wants more attention placed on him, and is that something you can give? 

 

We hope this helps ^-^

We live together and it's been a few years. This really hit home because there are a lot of things he's done that have made me retreat and not want to be my little self and some things I have done that have made him close off too. I'm going to take your advice and ask him what has changed so I can try to do something about it if its possible at this point, and hope he'll want to do the same for me....

[Ricky Harleman,]

Goof luck with everything.

[LongTimeMe]

Hi Sweetbee. I'm new here and have just started to reach out to people and chat.

I'm just at the starting out stage of my relationship with a little, but I've been around for a long time and have experienced and seen a lot in my life.

I did wonder how much time you and your daddy really spend together, just being yourselves (as a couple). Maybe he is feeling that with both your busy lives of work, hobbies, families, etc., then you might not be needing him in it so much and he is feeling left out. Have you thought about a hobby that you can share, or maybe spending (say) half a day a week doing just 'you' things and not involving other people,

Anyway, I hope this might help and that you manage to get yourselves sorted out (and soon).

[Nymph]

On 10/20/2022 at 11:21 AM, SweetBee said:

We live together and it's been a few years. This really hit home because there are a lot of things he's done that have made me retreat and not want to be my little self and some things I have done that have made him close off too. 

It sounds that this is an issue you guys have been dragging for quite some time, you are already at the point where you are more roommates than a couple, if you keep drifting you will end up strangers.

I understand your need for alone time, I need my space too. Sometimes this means I need some peace and quiet and don't feel like talking, in those cases I can still spend time with my partner, we can cuddle up and watch a tv show or I can enjoy the feel of his skin while I give him a massage or help him groom (I am a skincare addict and I love taking care of his skin issues when he has any) or cooking his favorite meal is a really good option if I need alone time but at the end he can see I am still thinking of him if that makes sense. Sometimes he will do things like this for me too, we don't schedule it, just happens because one notices the other one needs it or because we feel like it.

I do love my nintendo switch too XD and there are some days I just want to zone out and play or binge watch an anime series on my own. This usually happens when I am burnt out, so if it happens too much for you, you might want to check your triggers and address them, in fact asking your daddy for help with this would probably make him very happy.

Every once in a while, do (or re-do) some tests if you guys are into it. It can be fun and your answers will change with time, because people change, it's like getting to know each other again!

If you are a brat and are not good at asking, remind your guy that it's hard for you and when you do X and Y and make it crystal clear pointing out when it happened last and tell him what would have helped, next time he might be able to recognize your need.

Good luck, sorry for the book!

[MysticSand]

On 10/18/2022 at 7:31 PM, SweetBee said:

Aside from just managing my schedule better and being present when we finally do get bonding time, which I know are things I have to work on, what are some things that make you guys feel loved and appreciated as Cgs/Daddies/Mommies? I could really use your advice and ideas here.. Thank you 

Late to this and I didn't read others' responses but wanted to give a quick comment.

That part you mentioned about "being present" when finally having time with each other stuck out to me, particularly as you mentioned you have solo hobbies and need alone time. 
I get why that can be and is important for many relationships, but I'd also like to add that maybe a part (even if only a little) of the solution may be to simply be in each others' presence? It sounds like it may not be what your partner is after, but being in each others' presence while doing your own things may help you both feel just a little less lonely and a little less neglected.

Another suggestion would be to have little routines in place with each other, like even if it's to check in with each other and discuss how your day went for a solid 10 minutes before bed. Or to be on call while commuting. Small things just to maintain and feel like you're still in touch and very much still a part of each other's lives.

[Cebakes]

You wrote that he doesn’t feel loved or appreciated. What do you do to make him feel loved and appreciated?  It’s concerning that cuddles and physical touch don’t seem to be part of your daily routine with your daddy.  My middle and I have physical touch every day, whether it be leg rubs, back rubs, cuddles, spooning, etc. We are both very big on physical touch and crave it.

You mentioned you are a brat, but you don’t like to be controlled.  Does your daddy try to control you? How does he react when you are bratty?  Does he try to stop your bratty behavior?  Or is he just annoyed? From personal experience and reading, deep down most brats want to be controlled.  My middle S is a huge brat, and I do my best to put her in her place.  When I do, she will usually stop her bratty behavior, Of course, a real brat can never be tamed.  
 

I don’t see rules mentioned anywhere in your posts? Do you think they might help the relationship? Do you think they might be beneficial to help establish certain behavior, expectations,  results?

When you met your daddy, were you working 12 hour shifts?  If you were, he should be understanding and realize that is what he signed up for. He should be thankful that you are not on a rotating shift and that the two of you see each other and sleep together every night.  Do you guys plan a date night each week?  What does your daddy do while you play switch?  Is he sitting right there rubbing your legs or watching TV?  Is he in another room?  How much are you on Switch each day?

Lots of good ideas here. Best of luck.
 

 

 

Edited November 22, 2022 by Cebakes

[StraightTopDaddy]

It's a simple matter of your priorities.

Having little time for him, and still playing vid games? You clearly do not love him. So no, there is no way to make him feel more loved. Simple as this. Of course the relationship will be ending soon.

That was tough to figure out. Next?