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Help! Telling vanilla partner.


princessbaby

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For years I have struggled to figure out what being "little" means to me. Without my "little side" I feel lost. I have never directly discussed my little with my husband though I have subtly hinted about my submissive side several times over the years (we've been together 9 years now).

 

I had a baby bottle hidden in a dresser drawer (terrible I know, bleh comforting thing you know?) and he found it (though he has not said anything to me about it, I know he saw it because it was not in the same space I saw it and my dresser drawer was messed up, he was looking for a shirt).

 

Anyway - I need to bring it up as it's eating me up hiding this whole part of me from him. I am ready to embrace and share with him, but I am unsure how to start the discussion. He has been open to being Dominant in the bedroom when I've suggested it, but only at my urging. It is so taboo, I am unsure how to explain something that I've been ashamed of/denying myself of for so long.

 

TIA

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Guest Pouty Kitten

I think it's important you embrace every part of yourself and it's great that you want to share this special dynamic with your partner.

 

For me, I've researched tons on this dynamic- reading blogs, finding communities like this, etc. I compiled a list of articles that I really enjoyed reading and sent an e-mail to my Daddy. Afterwards, we had an in-depth conversation and I just let him know how much this was a part of who I am and how much I desired this dynamic. 

 

Your post is a pretty common topic and I will be making a master-post that others can contribute to in regards to telling your vanilla partner about this dynamic.

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I think it's important you embrace every part of yourself and it's great that you want to share this special dynamic with your partner.

 

For me, I've researched tons on this dynamic- reading blogs, finding communities like this, etc. I compiled a list of articles that I really enjoyed reading and sent an e-mail to my Daddy. Afterwards, we had an in-depth conversation and I just let him know how much this was a part of who I am and how much I desired this dynamic. 

 

Your post is a pretty common topic and I will be making a master-post that others can contribute to in regards to telling your vanilla partner about this dynamic.

 

Thank you - I have been trying to find articles but haven't found any that "sit well" with me and articulate it in a way that I think would be helpful in this situation. I look forward to seeing what you share. 

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Guest littlemissragamuffin
Before you talk to him, make sure you except this part of yourself. It'll be hard to explain yourself if you yourself doesn't love yourself. Second if he really loves you then he'll listen to you. So you just need to talk to him. Make sure you know what it is about DD/LG that interests, so you can share that. Or you could start with explaining your childish personality. Like that you tend to be childish and in these ways. Maybe explain why or the reason. Anything from it's fun to it's relaxing or even easyer to understand. See how that goes and how well he expects your Littleness, then maybe try to explain DD/LG. Take it slow, and remember just because Google said it's this and means that doesn't make it true. Everyone is different, it's what you make it. So if something is uncomfortable that others do, doesn't mean you/you guys would have to do it to be part of DD/LG.
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I just recently found out that I am a little. I have no idea what im doing, but I know its who I am at heart. I just discover this though, and I want to talk to my husband about being my daddy, but the main thing is that im scared. I'm scared that he will take it badly and reject me, or leave me and it is causing a lot of angst. And because I feel weird truly being little around him, I feel a little bit empty. I used to do little things by myself before we moved in together but I didn't really know what I was doing before now. I dont want anyone but him to be my daddy.

 

I just joined this forum today so I can find answers and support. if anyone could help it would be wonderful.

Sorry if this was confusing. I was trying to get it all out fast.

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While I have never had a real issue with telling a vanilla partner about this lifestyle, I still feel as if I can contribute here. Firstly, as others said, find who you are.

 

You can even start basic- what do you like to do in little space/what would you do? Color? Zoo trip? Bubble baths? Puzzles? Cartoons? 

 

Then you can delve deeper into the details of how much structure from your Dominant that you may want, or your other needs as a little. 

 

One thing I can say, is don't let him google it before you tell him all about it. Yes, now a days google is SO handy and you/he may be tempted- but don't. You need to figure out yourself and tell him exactly how you see Dd/lg. If you punch it into google, as I'm sure you might know, you get a LOT of things. Some things are more extreme than others. So, to avoid any confusion or any sudden awkward situation- I recommend telling him yourself or at least sending him a link to an article that you identify well with. But, you can by all means go to google- good starting place for articles... just could be potentially awkward if you have him go out on the web himself. Don't want to scare him with an "off-the-wall" fetish related to ddlg or a misleading article. Of course "off-the-wall" means different things to different people, and I know this. No disrespect meant of course.

 

I'd also recommend capitalizing on how it makes you FEEL. If you stress how happy, calm, and safe that it makes you feel- it'll be easier for him to see that this is benefiting you greatly!

 

And don't feel the need to rush in with bottles, blankies, etc. You can take it one step at a time. Introduce a comfy blanket first, wait a little bit. Then bring in maybe a stuffed animal. And gauge his responses from then on. Start with most common item and work your way towards bottle (or paci, or whatever suits you.)

 

Also, after you tell him- let us know how it goes! And maybe even have him come to the forums for a look around, this is a wonderful resource for dominants and littles/submissives alike! 

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He already accepts my stuffie. I thought about throwing him away because people were telling me that I was too old and weird to have a stuffie. He told me not to because I love it. He cuddles with me on the couch and calls me pet names, he is already kind of a daddy I just dont call him that. I think it might scare him off.
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