How long before meeting?

[Guest BabyBug]

This is a question for everyone! I've come across this situation quite a bit, where I'm feeling rushed to meet. How long would you wait before meeting in person? I know it's different for everyone but in your opinion, what is appropriate?

[Guest BabyBug]

2 minutes ago, GayKitten said:

Super interesting question! I’m on here for strictly platonic purposes only, and meeting friends in-person has never been a specific goal of mine here — but I’ll offer what I can!

For meeting friends: It would take at least 6 months of talking/interacting with someone. Any less time and I feel like I don’t have enough info to gauge if conversation comes easily between us, as well as gauging if a person is generally safe for me as a trans person (i.e no glaring red flags or weird comments about queerness, etc).

Also, I would only try to meet someone from here in-person if we lived close enough for it to be convenient for both of us — what a shame it would be to become good friends but live hours apart!

If I were suddenly single and looking for a partner again: I would actually want to meet in-person sooner than I would with friends — I’d guess after only 2 or 3 months, possibly even sooner. My reason is that, balanced against the safety and vetting concerns, I think it’s a pitfall to develop an online/text-/video-based rapport, and expect that to carry over 100% to how you interact in person. So I would want to meet a potential partner sooner so I didn’t get too many unrealistic expectations built up in my head.

BUT, if I was feeling rushed to meet, that would almost certainly be a red flag. It’s fine to ask and be graceful when rebuffed, but pushing the subject would probably make me cancel altogether, since it shows a lack of regard for my boundaries and comfort level.

And again, I would only consider this for people already close by — adding far travel into this mix definitely shifts the dynamics and potential dangers, so it would probably be a non-starter for me to have to travel (more than like an hour or so) to meet a potential partner.

 

That’s all that comes to mind immediately, but I’m excited to see what other people say! 💖

Love your answer! Thanks 😊 

[beanbean]

Yeah I feel like it's you need to talk someone for a while and ask all sort of questions first before you even consider meeting someone safety is always first never meet anyone alone at first just be careful 

[Cebakes]

So I am out dating women closer to my age as well as chatting with younger women.   With women my age, I may text or talk for several days shortly after meeting online, then propose having a date. Would say a week at the most for someone within the Philly area.   

If I was to come across a little or a middle that lived in the Philadelphia area or mid Atlantic region,  I would want to make sure there was a very high level of comfort and trust established before I discussed meeting.   I would hope to establish that type of trust over several weeks and propose to meet up and do something they enjoy.  Again, everyone is so different, I think it would just depend on who I was chatting with.  

[Renegade91]

I agree with the other answers.  It ultimately comes down to the answer, "when you're ready."  You should definitely establish a level of trust and comfort with someone, but how long that takes varies from person to person.  And I think it comes down to the relationship itself.  If you're in the same general area as someone, there's no harm in grabbing lunch or a coffee with them soon (notice I said coffee or lunch. You should always have your first meeting in public so you can gauge them).  If meeting entails travel (for instance, in a long distance relationship), where you might be flying and not have a return flight for a couple days, you should spend longer getting to know them to make sure they're who they say they are.  I've had a lot of little friends who thought they knew these guys, but the guys were only pretending to be interested.  Most of the real jerks aren't going to invest significant time online into someone, so that's a good way to help cut that down.  And of course, for safety, people should know where and who you're going. 

 

[Erasmeus71]

I take my time getting to know each other. Then have a mutual neutral spot that you meet at where there is people at. Now I am not really into crowds however the reason for the having that. You can yell for help if there is people nearby  if needed. Then second time go more secluded place if you can think can trust the person enough. I have heard of catfishing stories.

[Andriel_Isilien]

5 hours ago, Cricket said:

This is a question for everyone! I've come across this situation quite a bit, where I'm feeling rushed to meet. How long would you wait before meeting in person? I know it's different for everyone but in your opinion, what is appropriate?

Advice I have taken for myself... talk. Talk until the "sexy" is gone and then talk some more. I know we are human beings with needs and urgers but there is MUCH more to carry you through life than sex. I'm like a crockpot; I care about investing the long-term quality of a relationship. That said, don't stress about putting your feelings and needs to a timeline. Go at your pace that feels right. People who are worthwhile will stick around and stick it through with you. 

[STLMike]

First and foremost if someone is rushing you to meet them days after talking then in my opinion is a red flag from both a Daddy and a Little standpoint. Safety should always be in the highest regard when meeting someone offline or even on a dating website. You shouldn't just rush into something or someone just because of this or that. If you're feeling rushed into talking, answering questions or feeling forced to meet or being made to travel to someone than something could be up and I think a flag will be thrown on the play so the speak. A red flag for sure. Obviously would go without saying and this is for the little aspect or really any woman aspect as I personally would want to meet someone in public to make sure she felt safe and relaxed. Coffee shop, mall, etc. Something during the day and well lit, a movie would likely be out of the question because you can't really talk during them unless you're alone but it's also dark and I think that alone could make someone feel uncomfortable so something easy during the day would be the best.

Then at that point, I think the trust factor will come in and then you can explore other things to do.

I think the communication between the two people can be as long or as short as the two people feel comfortable. Some may feel like it's a few weeks and then some will say it's a few months. It's really whatever the two people prefer and are comfortable with. There is no right or wrong. On the topic of communication if all it is about just sex or the kink then lightly won't work to begin with. There needs to be other communication as well in it or I feel you are just basing the meeting and/or possible relationship on that alone and that in itself isn't good for anyone involved, and again that's my opinion. You should be able to talk to them about everything else. Their days, what else they have going on in their lives etc.

If you really think about it, getting to know someone takes longer than a week, two weeks, months, and so forth. You may never 'fully' know someone. You can figure out someone's character and personality sure. But sadly there is a lot of people out there that can hide things from people for a very long time, case in point. Here. This. Nothing wrong with it but most don't know our stuff.

Before meeting I would for sure ask as much stuff as you wanted and again, for safety and regarding littles give your info to a friend or something to call you at a certain time to check on you. Give someone the address where you should be going. SAFETY. SAFETY. SAFETY. I can't say it enough. I know Daddy's needs to be safe and that's not saying we don't need to be, but women/Littles safety IMO is more important. Again, that's my opinion.

So all in all, follow your heart but be careful cause sometimes your heart can get you into trouble. But you also need to follow your gut as well. Trust your instincts. If they don't make you feel rushed and they make you feel happy then there is something more to that for you. I think everyone knows when someone is genuinely caring for someone and when someone is fake. That can also be told when wanting to meet up or someone wanting to meet up with you from here or another site.

Sorry for the little story but had a few things to say that I been sitting on and I think I got it all out.. but then again it's 3:30am so I might have missed something.. 😛

Edited May 13, 2023 by DaddyMike85

[Guest BabyBug]

4 minutes ago, DaddyMike85 said:

First and foremost if someone is rushing you to meet them days after talking then in my opinion is a red flag from both a Daddy and a Little standpoint. Safety should always be in the highest regard when meeting someone offline or even on a dating website. You shouldn't just rush into something or someone just because of this or that. If you're feeling rushed into talking, answering questions or feeling forced to meet or being made to travel to someone than something could be up and I think a flag will be thrown on the play so the speak. A red flag for sure. Obviously would go without saying and this is for the little aspect or really any woman aspect as I personally would want to meet someone in public to make sure she felt safe and relaxed. Coffee shop, mall, etc. Something during the day and well lit, a movie would lightly be out of the question because you can't really talk during them unless you're alone but it's also dark and I think that alone could make someone feel uncomfortable so something easy during the day would be the best.

Then at that point, I think the trust factor will come in and then you can explore other things to do.

I think the communication between the two people can be as long or as short as the two people feel comfortable. Some may feel like it's a few weeks and then some will say it's a few months. It's really whatever the two people prefer and are comfortable with. There is no right or wrong. On the topic of communication if all it is about just sex or the kink then lightly won't work to begin with. There needs to be other communication as well in it or I feel you are just basing the meeting and/or possible relationship on that alone and that in itself isn't good for anyone involved, and again that's my opinion. You should be able to talk to them about everything else. Their days, what else they have going on in their lives etc.

If you really think about it, getting to know someone takes longer than a week, two weeks, months, and so forth. You may never 'fully' know someone. You can figure out someone's character and personality sure. But sadly there is a lot of people out there that can hide things from people for a very long time, case in point. Here. This. Nothing wrong with it but most don't know our stuff.

Before meeting I would for sure ask as much stuff as you wanted and again, for safety and regarding littles give your info to a friend or something to call you at a certain time to check on you. Give someone the address where you should be going. SAFETY. SAFETY. SAFETY. I can't say it enough. I know Daddy's needs to be safe and that's not saying we don't need to be, but women/Littles safety IMO is more important. Again, that's my opinion.

So all in all, follow your heart but be careful cause sometimes your heart can get you into trouble. But you also need to follow your gut as well. Trust your instincts. If they don't make you feel rushed and they make you feel happy then there is something more to that for you. I think everyone knows when someone is genuinely caring for someone and when someone is fake. That can also be told when wanting to meet up or someone wanting to meet up with you from here or another site.

Sorry for the little story but had a few things to say that I been sitting on and I think I got it all out.. but then again it's 3:30am so I might have missed something.. 😛

Best answer ever!

[Cebakes]

40 minutes ago, gigisweetheart said:

Back in the day it seemed like someone would ask you out and you would go on the date to read the person’s intentions, interests, character. I kind of like the idea of that - just pull the bandaid off and meet in public sooner rather than later (friends alerted, separate transportation and costs, etc). Sometimes trying to vet someone online for a long time can delay getting to know some important information about a person.

An in-person, real relationship needs to have in-person, real groundwork. I would suggest meeting as friends first to ease into things. There are so many group activities out there that two people can do to get to know each other. Don’t be too scared to take the plunge. Meeting in person sooner could save you a lot of time and heartache in the long run. 😊

S and I see each other and we talk about dating and I’m always surprised how she tells me she’s been chatting with local guys going on two weeks and  they still haven’t asked her out.  I don’t get that.  I’ve read people young and old post “not looking for pen pals” on dating sites, so it is a thing.  Of course safety first and this is for local “dates”.

 

[Guest baby_panda232]

I think it's the same for asking for a day out as well, cos I have a caregiver, we have met a couple of times already since we started speaking online I didn't really feel rushed into it. But since then he's been asking for a day out like in Blackpool or somewhere else (like half an hour to an hour away from where I live) and he's been really pushy about it and I've told him the best I can do given my situation is a day in town and the first time we were arranging a meet up he wanted me to stay out till 7pm (i told him that was waaaay to late to stay out) and in town, all the shops shut at 5pm and I have dinner/tea at 6pm so I said to him all I can do is till 12-1pm but he kept pushing for later so I agreed to push the time till 2pm but he still wasn't happy with it but said that it will have to do.  but he still keeps pushing me for a day out elsewhere as stated above, and I told him I'm not really all that comfortable with it yet (I've only known him a month or so at that point) 

[Guest Runa]

On 5/9/2023 at 7:09 PM, Cricket said:

This is a question for everyone! I've come across this situation quite a bit, where I'm feeling rushed to meet. How long would you wait before meeting in person? I know it's different for everyone but in your opinion, what is appropriate?

That's a really interesting question... the answers you'll get will be varied because I think this depends a lot on each individual.

I can't say I've ever felt rushed to meet someone after talking for a short time.  I met my Daddy here on the forum several years ago and we spent a few months messaging each other before we met in person.  I was the one that pushed to meet in person.  My Daddy wasn't reluctant to meet but he didn't want me to rush into something, freak out and run away.  I felt like I knew him well enough after a few months, I had a good idea of what his character was, what we had in common, that we wanted similar things in life, etc.  He was always consistent, always had time for me, but also had a full life of his own.  He was also really clear about how he felt for me and communicated that really well.

Personally, I don't think anyone should rush you into meeting them.  You have to feel comfortable with that person first.  There will always be nerves when meeting for the first time but it should only happen when you're both ready to meet.