New To DD/LG, Question From Little!

[PrincessBinny]

So I've technically been interested in DDlg for a long time but I just recently came out to my partner about it.

I got a... mixed response. He seems supportive but also doesn't really seem to enjoy it so I threw away the few things I had for it (I'm a little), and it got me thinking...

 

1. I see Daddys on here a lot and they seem totally legit but the idea does confuse me a little bit. I can't help but wonder sometimes if everyone's a little but some people just take on the hard part of caregivers? To me it would make me cringe to be in the other position and I hope I'm not coming across as ignorant. I asked my partner this and he seemed like he genuinely had no idea what I was talking about.

Let me also explain that I didn't expect him to do everything. I was willing to work or take care of the house as needed just like any two way relationship, it just really broke my spirit that I seemed undesirable as a little but everyone's different! He seemed like he had a lot of caregiver qualities and it confused me. I thought of him that way for the three years we've been together but just recently had the courage to verbalize it and im so disappointed.

2. If any daddys on here are actually willing to just share their perspective I'd be so grateful. I even heard of people enjoying being big for one partner and little for another and the whole thing just feels so disingenuine to one's identity... I know through and through im a little girl.

 

3. The gross parts... diapers and everything (another question for the daddys!), does it gross you out? Please if anyone is willing to be thorough I'd so appreciate it! The likes and dislikes and preferences of a daddy.

 

 

4. Is this kink extremely rare?

 

Any feedback would be so appreciated!

Edited May 27, 2023 by LilBini

[Little kaiya]

I showed my Daddy your questions and these are His replies.

1. I'm not a little or middle, never have been and wouldn't want to be. I'm a Daddy to my precious little. Are some folks switches, yes, but certainly not all caregivers are littles.

2. I'm a Daddy through and through. I could never be a little for someone, it's just not who I am.

3. It's not a gross part to me at all. It's something that is a deep, vulnerable and emotional bonding moment for my little and I.

4. It's actually quite common. Keep in mind, it is a kink for some, therapy for others and a personality traits for others. It isn't just a kink to some folks.

Daddy Wolf, Kaiya's Daddy

[PrincessBinny]

@Little kaiya

Thank you both so much! That was extremely helpful and a huge relief.

I think I'm shocked that not everyone is little or big because sometimes I can be very narrow and sheltered to the world.

It still hurts my heart that the person I thought most of as Daddy doesn't want to really be my daddy. I feel so lost and alone right now but seeing the way your relationship works so well gives me hope! 😊

Edited May 27, 2023 by LilBini

[SmolAetherr]

3 hours ago, LilBini said:

@Little kaiya

Thank you both so much! That was extremely helpful and a huge relief.

I think I'm shocked that not everyone is little or big because sometimes I can be very narrow and sheltered to the world.

It still hurts my heart that the person I thought most of as Daddy doesn't want to really be my daddy. I feel so lost and alone right now but seeing the way your relationship works so well gives me hope! 😊

 

there is no need to feel lost, obviously he is still the same man you wanted to be with... it would stand to reason that he hasn't changed.

[PrincessBinny]

41 minutes ago, SmolAetherr said:

 

there is no need to feel lost, obviously he is still the same man you wanted to be with... it would stand to reason that he hasn't changed.

He definitely is and I don't want to get too personal but he definitely has always done "Daddy" things that I was falling in love with but hearing what he had to say when I told him that I looked at him like a Daddy was discouraging.

He said he was open to it but he never thought of it or thought of me that way. We even bought me a bottle but when it would come time to use them he seemed so disinterested and it made me feel so bad about myself I just threw away all my little stuff and...

Like you said I'm just choosing to love him for him. Even if he doesn't want to be my daddy.

Edited May 27, 2023 by LilBini

[Vampiress]

I'm not a Caregiver, but I think I can give some perspective anyways. Sexuality is a spectrum, it is not black and white. Some people are just very into a specific role (like Dom or sub or Caregiver or little), but others like dabbling in multiple things and it isn't weird or disingenuine. I kind of get where you're coming from as I am strictly little and submissive, so it can be hard to fathom wanting to be a Caregiver or Domme. However, there are definitely people out there who really thrive on being a Caregiver or in control, and not a single part of them wants to be the little. If everyone was meant to be little then this dynamic wouldn't exist without pressuring other littles to take on a role that was unnatural to them. It's kind of like some people are just very into a certain type of music, and others have a more eclectic taste. 

I don't really know how to quantify how rare this lifestyle is. I'd say it's definitely a niche community, there is a lot of misinformation about it out there. People often get confused by what this dynamic is, and a lot of terms get misused. There seems to be a lot of mix-ups on what different terms mean. I do think as time goes on this lifestyle is something more people are becoming aware about it, so I think over the years we may see the community continue to grow. I don't expect it to ever become one of the most popular, though.

[beanbean]

I think in can be complicated sometimes but you got to find what works for you and go with it. For example even tho I can switch I don't have a little bone in my body and it just the thought of being dominated that intriguing to me .but at the same time being a daddy I like that very much .so yeah my advice is talk about and find out what works for you

[PrincessBinny]

15 hours ago, Vampiress said:

I'm not a Caregiver, but I think I can give some perspective anyways. Sexuality is a spectrum, it is not black and white. Some people are just very into a specific role (like Dom or sub or Caregiver or little), but others like dabbling in multiple things and it isn't weird or disingenuine. I kind of get where you're coming from as I am strictly little and submissive, so it can be hard to fathom wanting to be a Caregiver or Domme. However, there are definitely people out there who really thrive on being a Caregiver or in control, and not a single part of them wants to be the little. If everyone was meant to be little then this dynamic wouldn't exist without pressuring other littles to take on a role that was unnatural to them. It's kind of like some people are just very into a certain type of music, and others have a more eclectic taste. 

I don't really know how to quantify how rare this lifestyle is. I'd say it's definitely a niche community, there is a lot of misinformation about it out there. People often get confused by what this dynamic is, and a lot of terms get misused. There seems to be a lot of mix-ups on what different terms mean. I do think as time goes on this lifestyle is something more people are becoming aware about it, so I think over the years we may see the community continue to grow. I don't expect it to ever become one of the most popular, though.

I appreciate your input! Thank you so much and you definitely did put it better into perspective for me. I think I came into this with a very closed mind and I can see that now with the replies I've been getting!

As for the community though I am so glad that this page exists! It's really helped me to accept myself and finally tell my most important person this secret I've kept.

You guys are really amazing and incredibly supportive of one another, big and little alike ❤️ 

[PrincessBinny]

1 hour ago, beanbean said:

I think in can be complicated sometimes but you got to find what works for you and go with it. For example even tho I can switch I don't have a little bone in my body and it just the thought of being dominated that intriguing to me .but at the same time being a daddy I like that very much .so yeah my advice is talk about and find out what works for you

Thank you! 😊 

I definitely understand that being a daddy is a role now and I honestly feel so ignorant believing that Caregiving in this way simply didn't exist and was more of a job than a pleasure. I was breaking my own heart but I think my partner just isn't aware of this.

I had an incredible amount of shame before finding the right community for DDlg and I feel like a part of me is renewed 😁

[PrincessBinny]

9 hours ago, GayKitten said:

Hiya! I'll speak for my Mommy since she's not on the forum but I have a pretty good idea of her involvement/interest/comfort level with our roles in kink:

1. Nope, there is nothing little about Mommy! I initiated our involvement in this kink, and it was very clear that she is not interested at all in taking on a little (or any sub) role.

2. Honestly, if we split up, I doubt my Mommy would engage with this kink with anyone else -- it was never an interest for her before, and her engagement is very much in response to me expressing my interest in it. And I also doubt that she would suddenly become interested in being a sub/becoming a switch. (Conversely, I as a little would be interested in taking on a switch role with a different partner -- but we're monogamous and it's not a need I have, so it's all hypothetical anyway!)

3. Sooo I love diapers, and that was definitely the entrypoint into this kink for me. My Mommy is fine with diapers, and she finds them cute and fun for me to wear and use -- but she's not into them and turned on by them the way I am, and she has some hard limits around them. (For instance, she really does not want to smell stale pee in them, so diaper-changings as part of our sexy-times only happen when I haven't used them.) However, like @Little kaiya's Daddy, she does find it intimate and special for me to be open with her about how much I love them, love wearing them around her -- and she finds it very sweet that I want her to engage with me in this kink and with diapers. So yeah, she's mostly neutral but finds my experience with them lovely and intimate.

4. (This one is coming from me, cuz I do ocassionally spend time thinking about this!) Depends on who you ask -- I think some groups (i.e. queers like me) are waaay more open to admitting our kinks in general so I'd be likely to hear a "yes" from the people I'm around more frequently. And of course others are less open to that....so it makes it kinda hard to gauge? I dunno, if I had to guess, I'd say elements of CGl are relatively common among people who have a baseline familiarity/openness to kink, and relatively rare to people who are less comfortable with kink in general.

[Ope, my Mommy did chime in on this last one! "I think it's more taboo than rare." -- a good generalization I think, if not a bit semantic!]

Great questions, I hope the array of answers from folks on here help! ❤️

 

Okay I am very interested in your comment because I think my situation might be closest to yours.

My partner didn't SAY he didn't like it. He said he wasn't familiar with it and it'd take some time getting used to. I showed him my post here yesterday and told him about my looking into the community and watching him read over my comments... well the only thing that bothered him was how hurt he saw me, I think.

 

He asked why I got rid of my bottle and diapers and I told him I didn't feel confident in them yet and we left it at "We will figure it all out eventually."

He's always going to be daddy to me in my heart whether he does daddy things or not BUT I have a question!

Did it feel wrong to you that your mommy was only doing it for you? 🥺 I know that's what triggers my insecurity about it is that I feel he doesn't enjoy it and he only wants to see me happy. When I see him not particularly interested while I'm dressed and with a bottle and everything i start to feel really bad about myself and like I want to hide.

I also have a huge issue asking for things. But most importantly I don't know if I could ever stand it if I felt like he was performing just an obligation to me because I want to feel wanted. Does that make sense?

Please let me know! And also thank you for sharing with me 😊

Edited May 28, 2023 by LilBini
Spelling error

[LittlespaceCaregiver]

1. It's not uncommon to wonder about the dynamics and roles within DDlg relationships. While it's true that some people might have caregiver qualities but don't identify as littles, it doesn't mean that everyone is a little deep down. People have diverse preferences and desires when it comes to power exchange dynamics. It's possible for someone to be more inclined towards caregiving and nurturing without necessarily embracing the little role. It's essential to have open and honest conversations with your partner to better understand their perspective and preferences.

2. It's difficult to generalize the experiences and perspectives of Daddys in DDlg relationships, as everyone's preferences and dynamics can vary. However, some Daddys enjoy the nurturing and protective aspects of the role. They may find satisfaction in providing care, guidance, and support to their littles. Some Daddys might also experience enjoyment from the power dynamic and the sense of responsibility that comes with it. It's crucial to communicate with your partner about your desires and expectations to find common ground and understanding.

3. Preferences regarding specific elements of DDlg dynamics, such as diapers, can vary greatly among individuals. Some Daddys might be comfortable and even enjoy incorporating elements like diapers into their play, while others may not be interested in those aspects at all. Personal preferences and boundaries should be discussed openly and respected by both partners to ensure a safe and consensual experience.

4. The prevalence of DDlg as a kink or dynamic is challenging to determine definitively. It's not uncommon for people to have varied interests and kinks, and DDlg is one of the many expressions of BDSM and ageplay. While it may not be as widely known or practiced as some other kinks, there are still communities and individuals who engage in and enjoy DDlg.

Edited May 29, 2023 by LittlespaceCaregiver

[PrincessBinny]

On 5/29/2023 at 7:02 AM, LittlespaceCaregiver said:

1. It's not uncommon to wonder about the dynamics and roles within DDlg relationships. While it's true that some people might have caregiver qualities but don't identify as littles, it doesn't mean that everyone is a little deep down. People have diverse preferences and desires when it comes to power exchange dynamics. It's possible for someone to be more inclined towards caregiving and nurturing without necessarily embracing the little role. It's essential to have open and honest conversations with your partner to better understand their perspective and preferences.

2. It's difficult to generalize the experiences and perspectives of Daddys in DDlg relationships, as everyone's preferences and dynamics can vary. However, some Daddys enjoy the nurturing and protective aspects of the role. They may find satisfaction in providing care, guidance, and support to their littles. Some Daddys might also experience enjoyment from the power dynamic and the sense of responsibility that comes with it. It's crucial to communicate with your partner about your desires and expectations to find common ground and understanding.

3. Preferences regarding specific elements of DDlg dynamics, such as diapers, can vary greatly among individuals. Some Daddys might be comfortable and even enjoy incorporating elements like diapers into their play, while others may not be interested in those aspects at all. Personal preferences and boundaries should be discussed openly and respected by both partners to ensure a safe and consensual experience.

4. The prevalence of DDlg as a kink or dynamic is challenging to determine definitively. It's not uncommon for people to have varied interests and kinks, and DDlg is one of the many expressions of BDSM and ageplay. While it may not be as widely known or practiced as some other kinks, there are still communities and individuals who engage in and enjoy DDlg.

Thank you! When you were explaining caregiving in relation to littles did you mean that one can have caregiving qualities in a relationship but not align with the "daddy" role? Because that was what made most sense to me.

He would do things that very much seemed like caretaking (spoonfeeding, carrying me, certain ways he would talk to me) but seemed lost when I told him I wanted him to be my daddy.

Im still hurt that that part of me isn't fully embraced because I feel like it is a very big and important aspect of me. 

[Erasmeus71]

Look as one that is on the Daddy side of this. Look one can share problems. Will I have mine. The girl Iv was going to marry. Definity needed help since her hands would not let her do stuff like dress correctly. I was very surprised her mother let her go out the house wrong even on first date. She wanted me to hold her hand. I noticed she wanted me to buckle her in. I also noticed she loved the fact I put her shoes on and tied them for her. She had trouble cleaning herself as I discovered that too mainly because of her fingers. I think this all because she had Dyspraxia. When she spoke sounded like a 3 year old when she talked. Answered with one words or with very simple short sentence. I still however tryed to treat Jennifer like a young lady not like a little girl.

[Mr. Ducky]

People are unique and don't always fit into these categories that we create. Categories and labels are meant to help communication. For example, instead of saying "a person who educates others and helps them to make sense of things they haven't been previously exposed to before", you might just say "teacher". But that doesn't mean that all teachers are the same. Some give lecture, some tell stories, some invent games to engage students, some focus on young children, others college students, and still others specialize in working with people with learning disabilities.

For me personally, I think of myself as a caregiver because that's what gives me the most joy. I personally wouldn't take to the label of dom. I'm more like a coach, a guide, or mentor. I enjoy giving advice, sharing my own experiences, and guiding younger people through difficult decisions. I love to support and encourage others, and it fills my heart to watch someone else succeed where they previously struggled. I also love being silly and playful.

That being said, since you also brought up diapers... I'm not interested in that myself, and so a little with that interest simply wouldn't be the right fit for me or me for her... and that's okay. 

Your partner is who he is. He may be a very caring and giving person. He may have strong parental tendencies. He may enjoy playing with you in a youthful way. But maybe the idea of labeling what you have makes him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was too much too quickly. Maybe he'll be okay with it in time, when he better understands what they mean. Then again, maybe he just has brief moments where he enjoys little play, but then needs to quickly revert back to the big world. Maybe some activities he would enjoy more than others (like reading a bedtime story or coloring versus asking if you've brushed your teeth).

[PrincessBinny]

18 minutes ago, Mr. Ducky said:

People are unique and don't always fit into these categories that we create. Categories and labels are meant to help communication. For example, instead of saying "a person who educates others and helps them to make sense of things they haven't been previously exposed to before", you might just say "teacher". But that doesn't mean that all teachers are the same. Some give lecture, some tell stories, some invent games to engage students, some focus on young children, others college students, and still others specialize in working with people with learning disabilities.

For me personally, I think of myself as a caregiver because that's what gives me the most joy. I personally wouldn't take to the label of dom. I'm more like a coach, a guide, or mentor. I enjoy giving advice, sharing my own experiences, and guiding younger people through difficult decisions. I love to support and encourage others, and it fills my heart to watch someone else succeed where they previously struggled. I also love being silly and playful.

That being said, since you also brought up diapers... I'm not interested in that myself, and so a little with that interest simply wouldn't be the right fit for me or me for her... and that's okay. 

Your partner is who he is. He may be a very caring and giving person. He may have strong parental tendencies. He may enjoy playing with you in a youthful way. But maybe the idea of labeling what you have makes him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was too much too quickly. Maybe he'll be okay with it in time, when he better understands what they mean. Then again, maybe he just has brief moments where he enjoys little play, but then needs to quickly revert back to the big world. Maybe some activities he would enjoy more than others (like reading a bedtime story or coloring versus asking if you've brushed your teeth).

That is exactly what happened and I reviewed your comment with him and he agreed.

I just find it so heartbreakingly disappointing in my eyes but we've already had our many many problems that seemed nearly impossible to deal with.

I dont see us lasting very much longer unfortunately. 

 

[Cebakes]

7 hours ago, Mr. Ducky said:

People are unique and don't always fit into these categories that we create. Categories and labels are meant to help communication. For example, instead of saying "a person who educates others and helps them to make sense of things they haven't been previously exposed to before", you might just say "teacher". But that doesn't mean that all teachers are the same. Some give lecture, some tell stories, some invent games to engage students, some focus on young children, others college students, and still others specialize in working with people with learning disabilities.

For me personally, I think of myself as a caregiver because that's what gives me the most joy. I personally wouldn't take to the label of dom. I'm more like a coach, a guide, or mentor. I enjoy giving advice, sharing my own experiences, and guiding younger people through difficult decisions. I love to support and encourage others, and it fills my heart to watch someone else succeed where they previously struggled. I also love being silly and playful.

That being said, since you also brought up diapers... I'm not interested in that myself, and so a little with that interest simply wouldn't be the right fit for me or me for her... and that's okay. 

Your partner is who he is. He may be a very caring and giving person. He may have strong parental tendencies. He may enjoy playing with you in a youthful way. But maybe the idea of labeling what you have makes him feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was too much too quickly. Maybe he'll be okay with it in time, when he better understands what they mean. Then again, maybe he just has brief moments where he enjoys little play, but then needs to quickly revert back to the big world. Maybe some activities he would enjoy more than others (like reading a bedtime story or coloring versus asking if you've brushed your teeth).

Your last paragraph may very well describe what’s going on here.  It sounds like her partner does have some decent caregiving skills, but hasn’t warmed up, or isn’t interested in DDLG.  Not seeing many green flags here.

 

6 hours ago, LilBini said:

That is exactly what happened and I reviewed your comment with him and he agreed.

I just find it so heartbreakingly disappointing in my eyes but we've already had our many many problems that seemed nearly impossible to deal with.

I dont see us lasting very much longer unfortunately. 

 

Sometimes it’s best to make a clean break when in your heart you know your relationship has run its course.  I’ve had to do that and it’s painful.  The whole DDLG thing is something the two of you need to figure out.  When did you first mention this to him?  As I mentioned above, I’m not seeing many green flags or baby steps here showing that your partner is interested in DDLG.  

[PrincessBinny]

On 6/10/2023 at 5:59 AM, Cebakes said:

Your last paragraph may very well describe what’s going on here.  It sounds like her partner does have some decent caregiving skills, but hasn’t warmed up, or isn’t interested in DDLG.  Not seeing many green flags here.

 

Sometimes it’s best to make a clean break when in your heart you know your relationship has run its course.  I’ve had to do that and it’s painful.  The whole DDLG thing is something the two of you need to figure out.  When did you first mention this to him?  As I mentioned above, I’m not seeing many green flags or baby steps here showing that your partner is interested in DDLG.  

I mentioned it about a month ago but yes, I'm pretty sure you're right about him not having interest. Our relationship is sort of me wondering if he is even interested in me at all and we've been together three years. 

So.. I'm disappointed and heartbroken but it is expected. I don't think my eyes and heart will ever want another Daddy. He was perfect to me but I'll have to deal. I just don't see us lasting much longer.

Unfortunately, I think if i'd have stayed, there were some red flags and I found myself constantly wondering if he was going to hurt me more than just my feelings. He definitely had no problem hurting my feelings. It was just the good times that kept me and the parts of him that did seem to love me. 

[PrincessBinny]

9 hours ago, LilBini said:

I mentioned it about a month ago but yes, I'm pretty sure you're right about him not having interest. Our relationship is sort of me wondering if he is even interested in me at all and we've been together three years. 

So.. I'm disappointed and heartbroken but it is expected. I don't think my eyes and heart will ever want another Daddy. He was perfect to me but I'll have to deal. I just don't see us lasting much longer.

Unfortunately, I think if i'd have stayed, there were some red flags and I found myself constantly wondering if he was going to hurt me more than just my feelings. He definitely had no problem hurting my feelings. It was just the good times that kept me and the parts of him that did seem to love me. 

Not to mention he was a really devote mama's boy and I honestly felt like I was suffocating in their relationship if that makes sense.

She didn't like me.