Always a cg but new to ddlg and confused

[GentleDady]

Hi, I'm new here a new to the idea of ddlg.  Honestly I never thought about being into ddlg and maybe thought it a bit strange.  I've always been a cg in relationships and love spoiling my partner.  I've introduced my partners to bathing together.  I really enjoy washing them, wash their hair, drying them and brushing hair after.  I like taking them shopping and helping them get dressed.  Love cuddle time and petting them and forehead kisses.  I like making special foods that they like.  All of this as equals in the relationship and no ddlg dynamic.  

Recently a young woman called me daddy and I can't stop thinking about it.  It didn't mean anything to her and I don't know her but it made me start searching ageplay and ddlg.  It made me realize that I've always been looking for this and would love to be a daddy and with a special princess to spoil.

Now for the troubling part.  I'm married, have children(boys) and don't want to change that.  I've never thought of cheating on my wife before and never thought I would.  Lately my wife has felt like she wants to focus more on raising our youngest and that we'll be close again later.  It's been years since we've showered together or done any of those things that satisfied me as a cg.  I want to stay faithful but also want to be happy.

I would love to find a secret princess to spoil but also I don't want to drag a little into my confusion. 

I know I should bring this to a therapist instead of here but interested if others have been here.  Thanks for providing a place to get it off my chest 

Edited June 28, 2023 by GentleDady

[GentleDady]

Also I don't feel like I can talk to my wife about it.  I know she wouldn't be into it or understand.  We have talked(she started conversation) about me looking outside the relationship for sexual companionship but haven't decided on anything.

Right now I plan to stay faithful but never thought I'd have ddlg feeling this strongly 

[lilpincess]

This is definitely a tough situation. I was in a similar one, although things quickly got less complicated for me. When I discovered ddlg and realized I was a little, I was married. I’m now separated and going through a divorce, but that would’ve happened without ddlg. You can 100% be just a platonic caregiver, and I know there are littles out there looking for that. Initially, my daddy was just my caregiver until we started to get to know each other better. Like you, ddlg was definitely not something I could ever discuss with my ex. 
 

I will say that it sounds like couples therapy might help, at least to figure out the expectations you have for each other, especially given that she wants to focus on just raising your youngest- it would help your peace of mind I think to figure out what exactly your relationship will be, especially if you’ve started discussing looking outside the relationship for sexual companionship. 
 

Hope that helps a little, and I’m always happy to listen. Sometimes just talking it out with people that you don’t have to hide a part of yourself from helps. It’s helped me a lot being here 

[Queenwarriorprincess]

I didn't think my husband would be into this at all but he did try it!!! Your wife isn't a mind reader - perhaps she'd be willing to consider/explore this. I don't know your wife but you can't know until you bring it up. And I know that's waaaaaayyyyyy easier said than done.

 

This stuff is vulnerable material. It's hard for a lot of us to talk about! And being a middle is a part of me - I've tried to shove it down recently and it's just made me sad and short tempered and just totally disconnected from my mind and body. Maybe you feel some degree of that and it totally sucks. I'm sorry you're in this position.

I hope you're able to find a way forward while respecting your wife and marriage and your needs where no one feels betrayed.

Maybe your wife would be okay with a platonic little long distance? It sounds like being a CG is a part of your personality and that's great and nothing to hide or be ashamed of - I'm glad you're here on this site though so you have a little more support and guidance! Hopefully it helps you feel less alone.

Wishing you all the best and the best of luck!!!

[GentleDady]

4 minutes ago, Queenwarriorprincess said:

 

This stuff is vulnerable material. It's hard for a lot of us to talk about! And being a middle is a part of me - I've tried to shove it down recently and it's just made me sad and short tempered and just totally disconnected from my mind and body. Maybe you feel some degree of that and it totally sucks. I'm sorry you're in this position.

 

I'm still processing so much definitely hard to talk about right now.  It was difficult enough to post here.  Right now I'm trying to shove it down too and noticing more sadness and disconnect so very helpful to hear you say that

[beanbean]

Yeah it's hard for sure I mean I don't encourage doing something behind your wives back .so the first thing I would do even tho you understand the focus should be on your youngest remind her that you have needs to and see what happens from there

[Queenwarriorprincess]

1 minute ago, GentleDady said:

I'm still processing so much definitely hard to talk about right now.  It was difficult enough to post here.  Right now I'm trying to shove it down too and noticing more sadness and disconnect so very helpful to hear you say that

And take your time!! I was journaling yesterday (for the first time in months) and it helped me process some of the baggage I have associated around it. It was very helpful haha. So that's just a suggestion! I wasn't really sure what I wanted or how I felt or any of that since I've been suppressing this side of me and journaling about it gave me permission to step back and get my thoughts out. It's hard to discuss something with a partner when you don't really know what you want or where you stand.

You're awesome for posting this, especially if it was hard! That's bravery!!!

Please be kind to yourself while you're processing all of this. Give yourself space to be sad, to be mad. You can want a little and mourn the fact that your wife may never be one at the same time. You are allowed to want this stuff and allowed to be disappointed at the same time.

Treat yourself like you'd treat a little. This is hard stuff but look at you out here talking about it!!! You got this!!!

[LittleNyx]

I understand your struggle...and I'm somewhat familiar with it too  So someone called you daddy and it made you think that your personality may fit the CG category? I have a question and I really hope it won't confuse you more...maybe it's worth to ponder on. You love spoiling and taking care of your partner, but do you also feel that you're a Dominant? Not all CGs want to be in a D/s setting. How are you feeling about being the leader in the relationship? How about discipline (doesn't necessarily mean physical discipline like spanking)? Making basically all decisions for your princess? Thinking about these questions could help you figure out where you stand.

[AspiringDaddy]

3 hours ago, GentleDady said:

It made me realize that I've always been looking for this and would love to be a daddy and with a special princess to spoil.

 It feels like an awakening. And it's complicated.

If you want to talk, send me a DM.

[Suzette]

Could you have a platonic relationship with a little ?

Personally, when I'm not well, I would love the attention and care of a caregiver ! Only that. You can surely find a little easily, especially since there won't the pblm of age or physique as it's just platonic. However it is sure, a strong bond will be created. So I see...

[LittleNyx]

11 minutes ago, Suzette said:

Could you have a platonic relationship with a little ?

Personally, when I'm not well, I would love the attention and care of a caregiver ! Only that. You can surely find a little easily, especially since there won't the pblm of age or physique as it's just platonic. However it is sure, a strong bond will be created. So I see...

I think that's very important. Many many DDlg relationships are non-sexual.

[Suzette]

18 minutes ago, LittleNyx said:

I think that's very important. Many many DDlg relationships are non-sexual.

Ahh ? I didn't know it. Why you say it ?

[LittleNyx]

I think it's just important that you pointed out to the option of having a platonic relationship  

[GentleDady]

2 hours ago, LittleNyx said:

I understand your struggle...and I'm somewhat familiar with it too  So someone called you daddy and it made you think that your personality may fit the CG category? I have a question and I really hope it won't confuse you more...maybe it's worth to ponder on. You love spoiling and taking care of your partner, but do you also feel that you're a Dominant? Not all CGs want to be in a D/s setting. How are you feeling about being the leader in the relationship? How about discipline (doesn't necessarily mean physical discipline like spanking)? Making basically all decisions for your princess? Thinking about these questions could help you figure out where you stand.

I think since the dynamic was more equal in the past the cg role didn't last.  I think a little/domdaddy relationship would be better to maintain that cg role.  Definitely more to think about 

[LittleNyx]

1 minute ago, GentleDady said:

I think since the dynamic was more equal in the past the cg role didn't last.  I think a little/domdaddy relationship would be better to maintain that cg role.  Definitely more to think about 

If you would like to chat about it, you can always message me to just brainstorm

[GentleDady]

1 hour ago, Suzette said:

Could you have a platonic relationship with a little ?

Personally, when I'm not well, I would love the attention and care of a caregiver ! Only that. You can surely find a little easily, especially since there won't the pblm of age or physique as it's just platonic. However it is sure, a strong bond will be created. So I see...

When I imagine the relationship I mostly think about it platonic.  I would like the option of more thou, I really enjoy bathing, dressing, cuddles and I think that level of intimacy would probably lead more physical 

I'm physically very young and fit for my age so hopefully wouldn't be age problems 

Edited June 28, 2023 by GentleDady

[lilpincess]

2 minutes ago, LittleNyx said:

If you would like to chat about it, you can always message me to just brainstorm

Ditto!

[lilpincess]

1 minute ago, GentleDady said:

When I imagine the relationship I mostly think about it platonic.  I would like the option of more thou, I really enjoy bathing, dressing, cuddles and I think that level of intimacy would probably lead more physical 

You can always start out platonic and then see where it goes from there. Give you a chance to get to know one another and see what it's like being in that role. That's what happened with my daddy and me

[Suzette]

7 minutes ago, GentleDady said:

When I imagine the relationship I mostly think about it platonic.  I would like the option of more thou, I really enjoy bathing, dressing, cuddles and I think that level of intimacy would probably lead more physical 

I'm physically very young and fit for my age so hopefully wouldn't be age problems 

You will make littles happy ! 

[GentleDady]

2 minutes ago, Suzette said:

You will make littles happy ! 

I really hope I get the chance 

[lilpincess]

I'm sure you will 🙂

[Suzette]

Yes, it's sure. Just patience !

[GentleDady]

3 hours ago, Suzette said:

Yes, it's sure. Just patience !

I wish I was so confident.  I think I have a lot to offer a little but I'm afraid a long journey to get there

[Vampiress]

It might be worth a conversation with your partner. Especially if she's busy with taking care of young children (and a job if she has one). Plus any household duties that are  her responsibility. Maybe you can propose it to her as a way of where you take charge and give her the space to relax and be cared for and spoiled. She might hesitate at first because she wants to prioritize your children, but if you tell her that it's really okay for her to just have some time to be loved on maybe she'll consider it? However, if there's other issues she's not speaking up about then she may not be as open (perhaps her interest in sex has waned, for example). I think you're better off communicating with her and trying a therapist before going down the destructive path of infidelity. Nobody wins when cheating happens. You hurt your wife, you hurt your kids, and you may also hurt the new partner because they can't have you the way your wife and kids do. It's a very selfish pursuit and doesn't go anywhere good. Better off trying to work things out with your wife, or try a platonic partner (with your wife's permission), or if this is something you need REALLY badly then you may wish to be fair to your current partner and part ways. Divorce is not ideal, but if you are incompatible with your wife now it's better to let her go than to lead her on.

[Cebakes]

3 hours ago, Vampiress said:

It might be worth a conversation with your partner. Especially if she's busy with taking care of young children (and a job if she has one). Plus any household duties that are  her responsibility. Maybe you can propose it to her as a way of where you take charge and give her the space to relax and be cared for and spoiled. She might hesitate at first because she wants to prioritize your children, but if you tell her that it's really okay for her to just have some time to be loved on maybe she'll consider it? However, if there's other issues she's not speaking up about then she may not be as open (perhaps her interest in sex has waned, for example). I think you're better off communicating with her and trying a therapist before going down the destructive path of infidelity. Nobody wins when cheating happens. You hurt your wife, you hurt your kids, and you may also hurt the new partner because they can't have you the way your wife and kids do. It's a very selfish pursuit and doesn't go anywhere good. Better off trying to work things out with your wife, or try a platonic partner (with your wife's permission), or if this is something you need REALLY badly then you may wish to be fair to your current partner and part ways. Divorce is not ideal, but if you are incompatible with your wife now it's better to let her go than to lead her on.

Sage advice as always.  The first steps need to happen at home with the wife and determine what they both want.  GentleDady needs to be open about his desires and DDLG.   Couples or individual therapy would  be a great idea as well.  It’s also probably a good idea to get to the bottom of what’s causing the lack of hot romance at home.  A sexless marriage is no fun.

 

17 hours ago, GentleDady said:

Hi, I'm new here a new to the idea of ddlg.  Honestly I never thought about being into ddlg and maybe thought it a bit strange.  I've always been a cg in relationships and love spoiling my partner.  I've introduced my partners to bathing together.  I really enjoy washing them, wash their hair, drying them and brushing hair after.  I like taking them shopping and helping them get dressed.  Love cuddle time and petting them and forehead kisses.  I like making special foods that they like.  All of this as equals in the relationship and no ddlg dynamic.  

Recently a young woman called me daddy and I can't stop thinking about it.  It didn't mean anything to her and I don't know her but it made me start searching ageplay and ddlg.  It made me realize that I've always been looking for this and would love to be a daddy and with a special princess to spoil.

Now for the troubling part.  I'm married, have children(boys) and don't want to change that.  I've never thought of cheating on my wife before and never thought I would.  Lately my wife has felt like she wants to focus more on raising our youngest and that we'll be close again later.  It's been years since we've showered together or done any of those things that satisfied me as a cg.  I want to stay faithful but also want to be happy.

I would love to find a secret princess to spoil but also I don't want to drag a little into my confusion. 

I know I should bring this to a therapist instead of here but interested if others have been here.  Thanks for providing a place to get it off my chest 

GentleDady, DDLG relationships are pretty powerful and will absolutely change the dynamics of your marriage and even with kids.  To your credit, you know it would not be fair to bring a little into your confusion right now.  The first steps have to start at home.  

I do empathize with you, as I am out there dating and meeting some women that clearly would never be into DDLG.  I do wrestle with that.  Good littles are hard to find and you need to keep that in mind in all of this. This is a VERY niche lifestyle or kink.  

What is your relationship and caregiving skills like with your boys?  They have to be the priority.  I recommend open communication with your wife, counseling, and taking time to consider all the ramifications of going down this path.   You say you want to remain faithful and don’t want things to change at home, but if you pursue DDLG, things will change.   Best of luck.