CG/L dynamics in primary, live-in relationships; sharing responsibility; and "rewards" for CGs?

[MiddleBoyBlue]

These are all kinda intertwined/related topics at the moment, for me. My Daddy is my husband "G." We've been together for 14 years in total, and while we are not new to kink, we're only a few months in with this dynamic (DDlb, as if it needs to be said) and still working out some very fundamental things... like how G can be the caregiver without feeling like every last responsibility for both of our well-being and shared lives is on his shoulders. You know, the easy questions /s He is happy and eager to assume a lot of said responsibility and in a healthy way, but not all of it, and I absolutely do not want that to be the case either. We are on the same page and seem to be striking a good balance so far. Now we're reaching a point where we both see the sense in having a formal agreement of rules, rewards, punishments (etc.) versus the more loose discussions around boundaries, limits, desires we've had up until now.

The other day when discussing the agreement in abstract, G asked whether he could get rewards for doing his work. I told him yes, of course, we can do whatever the hell we want within our own agreement and that he should think about what would be rewarding to him. (I decided not to drive in too hard that I've been offering all sorts of rewards for quite some time, but maybe I wasn't explicit enough that those offers were rewards for a work day well-done.) I have my own list of ideas, but I could use some help here. G could use some ideas too-- he is not always the most imaginative when it comes to doing things that are primarily for his own satisfaction or enjoyment/having things done for him for those purposes.

Some of these are not really workable within the dynamic per se versus our relationship as two adults, but so far I've come up with (some are little rewards, some are bigger): foot/back/anywhere rubs; sexual favors, especially a few things he REALLY enjoys; hour of access to Big Me's p0rn collection/computer; (me) dressing up for dinner; taking more housework off his plate for the day or week (I am ambulatory disabled, so we generally split these duties equitably); taking him to dinner; I want him to make his own [Amazon] wish-list I could conceivably choose from; cooking or baking something he particularly loves; planning a Daddy-oriented outing that isn't food-related (hiking, museum, national park that's an hour up the coast, etc.) and... at the moment I'm kind of out of thoughts, but there has to be more.

I did search for ideas for "rewards" for CGs but came up pretty empty. Unsurprisingly, most of what I found was rewards for littles/middles. Is "reward" even the right term here, for something I can do for my Daddy that he enjoys and is truly for him and not just an expression of my love and affection for him like a handmade craft? That doesn't seem like such an unusual ask, but maybe it is more than I realize? G has a switchy side, and I definitely do too, but he is still thinking about whether or not he wants to or is capable of switching with me. We are not fully monogamous but are currently on an intentional pause from sex outside the relationship and this is not a dynamic either of us has explored with others.

Anyway, literally any thoughts anyone has on... all of this... would be super appreciated, whether it's ideas for things to do for my Daddy or just general thoughts on managing the power exchange in one's primary relationship so that the CG doesn't get overwhelmed. G is very motivated to do this-- his own interest predates mine-- but I totally understand his concerns about being taken care of, too, and I want very much to continue to take care of him as I have all these years and even as we continue to dive deeper into this dynamic.

Thanks in advance.

Edited July 12, 2023 by MiddleBoyBlue
sorry I'm a mess

[MysticSand]

Hmmmm. Good food for thought. Is there anything he enjoys that you didn't mention in your post? Particularly anything that maybe he enjoys, that you may not? For example, maybe he enjoys watching anime but that's usually something you shoot down as an option. Maye the reward could be to watch a show that he enjoys that you typically wouldn't want to. This can go for activities as well. Maybe he enjoys gaming, or exercising, or etc.

For me, there were a ton of things that I enjoyed that I wished my Little had more patience to do. Things such as watching a movie together, cooking, baking, or even just to talk about our day. Simple things, which I hope are already incorporated into your relationship, but also shouldn't be taken for granted.

[Guest BabyBug]

That's a good suggestion and it's what I'd start with. Try to do something that he enjoys that maybe he doesn't get to do or splurge on a movie night with his favorite movies and snacks!

[Vampiress]

I like your ideas! If you're not comfy with calling it rewards or something, maybe you could call it something along the lines of extra Acts of Service or take that as an inspiration and come up with something else along those line.

[MiddleBoyBlue]

10 hours ago, MysticSand said:

Hmmmm. Good food for thought. Is there anything he enjoys that you didn't mention in your post? Particularly anything that maybe he enjoys, that you may not? [SNIP]

Thank you, this was a great reply and it definitely gave me some ideas. I really appreciate it. I do try to have patience for the things he likes, within our heretofore not-CGL-structured-relationship anyway, but this led me to thinking more specifically about what he might like to do within the dynamic (or whether some of these rewards are indeed going to extend somewhat outside of it, like taking him to dinner) but that definitely got my gears turning. It was a little silly of me but I was giving a lot more thought to "what can I do for G" than "what can sport do for Daddy"? if that makes sense. Both valid questions, but not the same. Regardless, the whole thing got me thinking more. Thanks again!

10 hours ago, Babysaurus said:

That's a good suggestion and it's what I'd start with. Try to do something that he enjoys that maybe he doesn't get to do or splurge on a movie night with his favorite movies and snacks!

Thank you! I really do try to do this type of stuff in our relationship but there's always more. I know him pretty well, I just have to keep thinking. A splurge for movie night is a good idea

8 hours ago, Vampiress said:

I like your ideas! If you're not comfy with calling it rewards or something, maybe you could call it something along the lines of extra Acts of Service or take that as an inspiration and come up with something else along those line.

I have no particular discomfort with the term but I do like Act of Service as both a term and inspiration. I guess I do like the idea of separating my rewards from his [Acts of Service] or whatever terms we land on, but I have a feeling he'll like Act of Service lol Thank you very much!

Edited July 13, 2023 by MiddleBoyBlue
just can't seem to catch my own mistakes