Feeling let down

[Guest Sunshine_Sam218]

I'm 40 years old and I'm a middle, but also submissive. I know I may be older but I love this lifestyle and I feel safe when I'm coloring and doing activities. Middles I feel get over looked a lot and that's why I feel left out sometimes. Feel like I don't belong but it defines me as a person.

I've been interested in BDSM and DDlg for the past few years now. It seems like I can't seem to find my match. So many Dom's or Daddy Dom's rush into talking about sex. None of them ask me anything about me or want to know who I am as a person, which disappoints me. I don't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of dating, I want to truly connect with my partner. Connecting with them emotionally and intellectually, is very important to me. Anytime I feel like I'm let down, I'll take a break from the lifestyle all together and focus on myself. Yet this lifestyle is who I am as a person, just feel so let down and frustrated. Sometimes I just feel like I won't meet my match, I'm simply saying this due to how I feel from the struggles of things. 

Once I was talking to this Dom and things were going great until he rushed into things too quickly, it turned me off because it was way too soon to be talking about sex. I barely knew a lot about him and I wanted us to both feel comfortable and develop trust. Just needed to get this off my chest today, because it's been building up inside me lately. Thank you for listening. 

[MasterPhotog]

Sunshine_Sam, thank you for having the courage to speak your mind. 
It's unfortunate that many of us forget that connecting emotionally is more important than everything else, and especially about talking about sex. In addition, many of us seem to forget the person at the other end is a human being and has emotions and should at least ask to see what they want. 
Even though you have met some no so nice DDs here, I know there are many that are amazing human beings. 
I wish you best of luck going forward. Sending you virtual hugs!

[Cebakes]

You need to remain optimistic. I would love to find a 40 year old middle and have been looking on and off in the Philadelphia area for several years.  Unfortunately, there’s just not a large number of people in the general population that are into DDLG and I feel the number over 40 is limited….😞

[beanbean]

Just keep you chin up and keep going.its hard too be patient but always takes time and then we get frustrated but sometimes it takes time and we got to not be desperate and if something happens it happens if it doesn't that's got too be okay these things don't do well being forced 

[thelasteiko]

My sympathies 😔 I have experienced this several times myself. Whatever you attribute it to, there is a power differential. We have to be able to trust the other person is responsible and cares enough to take care of us and not hurt us. That takes time. Anyone that doesn't take that time is not recognizing the perspective of the other person.

[Guest Sunshine_Sam218]

Thank you for all of your responses. Sometimes I don't feel heard and I think that's why I feel hurt sometimes. Everyone's feelings matter. I really had hoped I would find a Daddy, but it's been sort of difficult. I don't feel discouraged though, I'm just going to have to be patient. I think trust and communication are extremely important and without that, it won't work out. I've talked to a few Daddy's in the past and been hurt, but I still remain hopeful regardless, which is good. All of your responses put a smile on my face. So thank you a lot for that. It means a lot to me. 

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi Sunshine, I have been in the lifestyle for many many years lol. Finding a partner in the lifestyle is difficult in general and I feel that the sexual part is the easy part, the emotional connection is the rewarding part and that bond where trust is developed is the important aspect to the relationship. That is what is so special about finding a partner in this lifestyle, the bond that develops where you both know that you have ultimate trust in each other where you can show your little side with no judgement or concern knowing you are safe, loved, and cared for. On the flipside, the Daddy will be able to show his nurturing, loving, and caring side to his little one. All of that makes the sexual aspect that much more intense and breathtaking when the time comes. Just know you will find someone and when you do it will be worth the wait. Just know it is not only the you, we Daddy's have a hard time finding someone as well. Good luck to you!!

[MissNMTX]

As a 43 yr old middle I can identify with this post so so much. I've been hurt myself and now I guess I just view myself as a bit disillusioned. That feeling comes and goes through. I've  walked away and come back to this more times than I can count, but like you it's just a part of who I am.I wish I had some amazing advice for you, but I don't. The.only thing I know is to  kept trying. You keep getting hurt, yes but someday you won't. I'd rather try to go after what I want and give myself a fighting princess chance than never have it.

Best of luck. You're not in this journey/struggle alone.

[Guest Sunshine_Sam218]

7 hours ago, MissNMTX said:

As a 43 yr old middle I can identify with this post so so much. I've been hurt myself and now I guess I just view myself as a bit disillusioned. That feeling comes and goes through. I've  walked away and come back to this more times than I can count, but like you it's just a part of who I am.I wish I had some amazing advice for you, but I don't. The.only thing I know is to  kept trying. You keep getting hurt, yes but someday you won't. I'd rather try to go after what I want and give myself a fighting princess chance than never have it.

Best of luck. You're not in this journey/struggle alone.

Thank you, I truly feel heard by you posting this to me. There's been many times that I walked away and said "Never again" but it's just a part of who I am. Now I'm much more guarded due to being hurt but I'm sure I'll eventually find what I'm looking for. I just don't think I'm going to go looking for it, I rather it find me so to speak. Right now I'm just focusing on me until that time comes when I do feel a connection of some kind. I'm not giving up hope that. Thank you again. I truly appreciate you posting this. 🥰

[Mr. D]

I’m sure your situation is tough in multiple ways. At your age you’ve experienced enough to be cautious and as a middle you lack some of the naïveté of being a little. 

The right dynamic is out there for you. If you feel someone you are speaking to is pushing things to a certain area that you aren’t ready for, say something. If they disagree, argue, or push you to continue they aren’t the type you want to be with. 
 

Finally, I know how disheartening the ups and downs of finding someone can be. Put a positive spin on it, you are finding Mr. or Mrs Right via process of elimination!

 

-D

[Alisolte]

You bring something unique to the table, by being just who you are. I have been exploring a lot and there are so many ways to experience this dynamic. The fact that you come to the table as both a human being and a "role" player is to be cherished by the right person. 

I'm so sorry that sexual conversations have usurped what could have been good opportunities to connect honestly and emotionally. Maybe you could let someone know from the get-go the type of pacing you prefer in conversations? It can be difficult because leading isn't always fun, especially considering our nature, but it is sometimes necessary. 

I hope with all my heart you find what you are looking for, sooner than later! 🥰