My polyamorous mommy left me, I’m struggling to move on!

[Emilyjwalker123]

Hi!

I’m Emily 23 F from the UK. A few months back my polyamorous girlfriend decided she didn’t want to be with me anymore after nearly a year of dating. We had a MDLG dynamic and it gave me so much fulfilment. I didn’t go out searching for this kind of relationship I wanted a girlfriend and the dynamic came along in time. Honestly it was the best time of my life! She decided that she just wanted to be with the boyfriend that she had and got rid of me. Now I’m still heart broken and feel like I’m never going to find a dynamic like that again! No one can do it like she did, I did and all the stuff like like colourings and dummies that she got me but I keep seeing the rules that she sent me on my phone and collars that we talked about on my Etsy wish list. Honestly I’m really struggling! No one I have talked to is like her or wants this kind of dynamic. Not just a dynamic but a relationship as well!

Would writing her a letter to explain how I feel be weird?
 

Please, I really need help! Any advice?  

Edited October 1, 2023 by Emilyjwalker123

[Alisolte]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Sometimes it can be hard to move on, so talking can make it better. I don't know if you're still in contact, but maybe it would be good to talk about it. It might not be good to spring it on her out of the blue if you are no contact, but I don't really know her or you, so who knows! 

I think sometimes when I have big feelings, it feels like they'll never go away and I am drowning in them. All I know is sometimes it takes a long time to feel better. It is normal to grieve.  And it definitely doesn't feel good. 

Hopefully you can feel better soon. Maybe what you had was special, but special happens a lot of ways! You can always find a different kind of special, too! You'll find your way! 🤗

[Vampiress]

I am so sorry this happened to you. Did she explain everything to you, or was it just very sudden with little to no explanation? If there has been no closure offered or anything, it could be worthwhile to reach out but she may be unwilling. If that is the case, you may have to move on without ever receiving it. I know that is worst case scenario, but sometimes it just isn't there. If she is open to a conversation, be mindful if you try to work it out. She's already left you and shown you that this relationship isn't something she seems to want to work on. She just dropped you to focus on another relationship, and that tells you a lot about her priorities. I am afraid if you work things out it might make things more difficult because you've already felt the betrayal and it could lead to to you being paranoid or letting her walk all over you just to maintain a dynamic you don't want to lose. If she is certain she is done with this relationship, you will have to respect her boundaries. Make sure that no matter what you do that you do what is best for you even if that means having to move on. I do know that no two relationship are ever exactly the same, so don't sell yourself short. There can be an even better relationship out there waiting for you.

[Emilyjwalker123]

21 hours ago, Alisolte said:

I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Sometimes it can be hard to move on, so talking can make it better. I don't know if you're still in contact, but maybe it would be good to talk about it. It might not be good to spring it on her out of the blue if you are no contact, but I don't really know her or you, so who knows! 

I think sometimes when I have big feelings, it feels like they'll never go away and I am drowning in them. All I know is sometimes it takes a long time to feel better. It is normal to grieve.  And it definitely doesn't feel good. 

Hopefully you can feel better soon. Maybe what you had was special, but special happens a lot of ways! You can always find a different kind of special, too! You'll find your way! 🤗

Thank you for your comment! I really appreciate it! We are not in contact anymore, I am not going to write a letter and spring anything on her and I hope that I will grieve and manage to feel better soon! I'm going to have a fresh start! ☺️

[Emilyjwalker123]

20 hours ago, Vampiress said:

I am so sorry this happened to you. Did she explain everything to you, or was it just very sudden with little to no explanation? If there has been no closure offered or anything, it could be worthwhile to reach out but she may be unwilling. If that is the case, you may have to move on without ever receiving it. I know that is worst case scenario, but sometimes it just isn't there. If she is open to a conversation, be mindful if you try to work it out. She's already left you and shown you that this relationship isn't something she seems to want to work on. She just dropped you to focus on another relationship, and that tells you a lot about her priorities. I am afraid if you work things out it might make things more difficult because you've already felt the betrayal and it could lead to to you being paranoid or letting her walk all over you just to maintain a dynamic you don't want to lose. If she is certain she is done with this relationship, you will have to respect her boundaries. Make sure that no matter what you do that you do what is best for you even if that means having to move on. I do know that no two relationship are ever exactly the same, so don't sell yourself short. There can be an even better relationship out there waiting for you.

Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it! It was sudden and this upset me but we are not in contact anymore and I'm not going to try with her anymore! I'm sad that I wasn't her priority but I guess things happen. I am respecting her boundaries and no letter will be written but I am going to get rid of things and completely reset! ☺️

[Vampiress]

4 hours ago, Emilyjwalker123 said:

Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it! It was sudden and this upset me but we are not in contact anymore and I'm not going to try with her anymore! I'm sad that I wasn't her priority but I guess things happen. I am respecting her boundaries and no letter will be written but I am going to get rid of things and completely reset! ☺️

Yeah, what she did I can only I imagine how you feel but I think your plan to move forward and how you're going about it is a VERY healthy choice and is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Proud of you!

[Emilyjwalker123]

On 10/3/2023 at 2:39 AM, Vampiress said:

Yeah, what she did I can only I imagine how you feel but I think your plan to move forward and how you're going about it is a VERY healthy choice and is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Proud of you!

Thank you so much! I am deciding to just put it in the pst now and start again because it wasn’t healthy, I think it was more the dynamic and relationship that I missed lore than her! But thank you again ☺️

[Vampiress]

5 hours ago, Emilyjwalker123 said:

Thank you so much! I am deciding to just put it in the pst now and start again because it wasn’t healthy, I think it was more the dynamic and relationship that I missed lore than her! But thank you again ☺️

That's awesome! I think you're setting a really great example here not just for yourself, but others in this community.