long distance confirmation

[LilDemonBaby]

awhile ago i said i wasnt interested in long distance relationships as i felt like it would not be as enriching, real or as intimate as an in person one. i just find that ddlg and online stuff just doesnt work. of course that came from someone who had never done long distance anything. so when one guy did come to me i was reticent, but ultimately i did give it a go. it confirmed everything and some. it was very NOT intimate, he rushed too much and was more interested in just sex, showed immaturity which is a turn off if youre supposed to be a daddy and was VERY clingy. like, he wanted attention even when i was in the middle of classes. not to mention i have a life beyond that and sometimes i need sleep. keeping me up til midnight or one in the morning just isnt healthy for me. he also never wanted to get to know me, as a person. very red flag! plus im gonna be honest with you, punishing me is never gonna happen online. if you tell me i cant have ice cream....whats to stop me? or if you tell me to get a coloring book as a reward....thats not a reward if i can get it regardless...long distance is just not for me. 

[pawpaw]

I'm the same, strictly long distance just doesn't work for me.

It obviously does for some, and I wish them the best of luck and all the happiness in the world.

But for me if the goal isn't to use online time to learn about one another with the ultimate goal of meeting and eventually being together ( if everything is right, ) then I don't really get anything from it.

[beanbean]

Yeah for sure long distance is not for everyone. But doesn't really seem like this relationship would have worked even if your in person as you guys didn't seem very compatible.also if you feel like it's getting rushed tell them to slow down if they don't that should tell you right there he probably will not work

Edited October 3, 2023 by beanbean

[Salmario]

7 hours ago, gigisweetheart said:

The person just didn’t sound like a good fit for you and wouldn’t have been in real life either. Online relationships present their own challenges, but a bad match shouldn’t confirm that online relationships can’t work.

I could say the opposite about the rewards and punishments. In person, there would be no stopping me from doing something if I really wanted to do it. And I would be thrilled to get permission to buy a fun treat for myself. 

But yeah it’s all just preference at the end of the day and it’s great that you are figuring out what works for you and what doesn’t. I think most people would agree that online or long distance relationships are difficult. I like them but I have yet to meet anyone else who does, lol. 

Hi gigisweetheart,

What is it that you like about LDRs? I would be interested in your opinion.

I find that they can allow you the time and (literal) distance to find out about each other without rushing into anything, but sometimes that distance feels like more than miles, you know?

The time difference can also make it quite difficult to be as supportive as one would like, especially at an appropriate moment.

I'm still trying to learn, and would be glad to know what you, or anyone else who likes LDRs, feel about this. Thanks

[beanbean]

28 minutes ago, Salmario said:

Hi gigisweetheart,

What is it that you like about LDRs? I would be interested in your opinion.

I find that they can allow you the time and (literal) distance to find out about each other without rushing into anything, but sometimes that distance feels like more than miles, you know?

The time difference can also make it quite difficult to be as supportive as one would like, especially at an appropriate moment.

I'm still trying to learn, and would be glad to know what you, or anyone else who likes LDRs, feel about this. Thanks

So I feel like I am not pro long distance or not ..just pro giving everything a chance . To me long distance can work but you do have to be dedicated and work hard at it if course there will always be things you can't do and will be missed long distance like snuggles and hugs and such   . So yeah not easy but doable. And like you said a good long distance relationship can give you some more time to know people better .thats just my two cents 

[MissNMTX]

Personally, I've had more meaning conversations and connections with people hrs away and on different continents than I have someone 30 minutes down the road. Not to mention, my most recent interactions.

It really does depend on the people and the effort they're willing to make. That said, if this helped you figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Then more power to you and all of us who continue to learn!

[Salmario]

37 minutes ago, beanbean said:

So I feel like I am not pro long distance or not ..just pro giving everything a chance . To me long distance can work but you do have to be dedicated and work hard at it if course there will always be things you can't do and will be missed long distance like snuggles and hugs and such   . So yeah not easy but doable. And like you said a good long distance relationship can give you some more time to know people better .thats just my two cents 

Thanks for that, beanbean (bb?). Giving things a chance, for sure, I'm trying to do that, frustrating as it can sometimes be. I suppose all relationships need that dedication and hard work too, but it's good to know that LDRs can work successfully, given time and effort.

[Salmario]

33 minutes ago, MissNMTX said:

Personally, I've had more meaning conversations and connections with people hrs away and on different continents than I have someone 30 minutes down the road. Not to mention, my most recent interactions.

It really does depend on the people and the effort they're willing to make. That said, if this helped you figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Then more power to you and all of us who continue to learn!

Hi MissNMTX, I know exactly what you mean about meaningful conversation & connection etc, even though finding that in someone is often frustrating if you can't sit next to them and be more spontaneous in the things you say. Sometimes, I find the little things can be missed, or misunderstood, if you're not looking them in the eye. Maybe a tendency to overthink on my part at times also, like what did she mean there, or did she know I was only joking when I said so-and-so? Guess it's still a small price to pay for that nice connection. What you say about the effort that people are willing to make also speaks volumes. If they're happy to sit in their own small hours just to give you time in your timezone, and vice versa, it does show a degree of dedication sometimes missing when they're 30 minutes away.

Thanks for that input. As you say, it is very much a learning process (and I guess the best things don't come easy).

[Salmario]

Just now, gigisweetheart said:

I’m looking forward to answering your question when I have more time! 😊😅@Salmario 

Cool. I'm here all week, ha ha! 🙂

[MissNMTX]

@Salmarioit's true what you say about simple misunderstandings. It's very hard to read to read tone and inflexion through text, but for the most part worth the effort.

[beanbean]

51 minutes ago, Salmario said:

Thanks for that, beanbean (bb?). Giving things a chance, for sure, I'm trying to do that, frustrating as it can sometimes be. I suppose all relationships need that dedication and hard work too, but it's good to know that LDRs can work successfully, given time and effort.

A chance is all you can give it and it might not work for you but you at least know you tried

[Salmario]

@gigisweetheart Now it's my turn to say that I look forward to responding to your words, when I have the time to give them the consideration they deserve.

Thank you 🙂

[Salmario]

10 minutes ago, gigisweetheart said:

hehe my words don’t often deserve any consideration… 🤣😂🤭

Please don't think that. You write wonderfully well.

[beanbean]

1 hour ago, Salmario said:

Please don't think that. You write wonderfully well.

Gigi is one of the smartest most thought out posters here don't let her fool you

[Salmario]

23 minutes ago, beanbean said:

Gigi is one of the smartest most thought out posters here don't let her fool you

Clearly, Gigi is smart. I'm nobody's fool.

@gigisweetheart I'm sending a follow request, to continue this discussion. OK?

[MissNMTX]

I don't know that I'd ever be able to articulate it as clearly but I'm going to 100% agree with @gigisweetheartpost. The snail mail, the message excitement, the time, effort, all of it. I'm currently coming off a hurt, which actually hurt more than I was prepared for. Outside of that, I completely agree .. distance requires effort and determination. Both things you need and should want in any relationship.

[Salmario]

4 minutes ago, MissNMTX said:

I don't know that I'd ever be able to articulate it as clearly but I'm going to 100% agree with @gigisweetheartpost. The snail mail, the message excitement, the time, effort, all of it. I'm currently coming off a hurt, which actually hurt more than I was prepared for. Outside of that, I completely agree .. distance requires effort and determination. Both things you need and should want in any relationship.

I agree with you completely. I'm sorry to hear that you've been hurt. I hope that the good feelings return for you in time. 😊

[SweetIsMyMiddleName]

I hear where you are coming from and btw, there seemed to be a few red flags with that person and I’m sorry you had that experience. 
 

LDRs can be hard and I’m basing this off a Vanilla LDR I had (which personally, I gotta stop thinking I can find a way to be happy in a Vanilla when I know I can’t - but it’s hard to find lifestylers in my area), to where he did actually come visit but stayed longer than he initially intended and it wasn’t working and he didn’t want to go home it was an awful mess. Anyway, whilst I do agree that things got boring and unsatisfying quick like lack of physical intimacy and things like trying to find a decent hour to talk to where we weren’t running on empty from lack of sleep due to time zones, I still feel that I need to keep my options open even if the person is from another country (or a far away state) because I want to find the right person. I don’t just want to settle for somebody who is less than what I want or need and somebody I don’t fully connect with just because they are close by and that makes it easier. So although my experience with LDRs haven’t been the best, I still don’t want to cancel the out for fear of losing an opportunity to potentially meet my person. 

Just my opinion of course, and I respect yours, but I have felt for most of my life (call it intuition) that the person I will end up with won’t be born and bread in the same country as me, and therefore I can’t rule out LDR if I feel I’ve made a connection with somebody. LDRs have a lot of flaws and are hard work, but I don’t want to miss the opportunity to meet my life partner. 
 

Again, you do you, and I’m glad you got out of that particular relationship because it sounds like it wasn’t healthy from the get go. I hope your next relationship is happy, healthy and loving and I wish you all the best! 🙂

[LilDemonBaby]

so i put some major thought into it guys and...i decided to be more open to the idea of long distance. after my last relationship fizzled into utter blegh i figured i owed it to myself not to cut myself short and taking what you all have said, i set my apprehensions aside. Boy am i glad i did! i felt like it wouldnt be as meaningful if i did long distance. after all, im a very in person....person! i cant cuddle, cant hold hands...that can be hard for someone like me, but taking it into consideration, there are so many other things i can do to show my Little side, keeping it fresh and that i care. it just takes finagling. i think it might even be a fun challenge! i met someone and he. is awesome! we text EVERY DAY. hes from Tucson but lives on the east side of the country now. of course we started online which is not uncommon, but i used a specific dating site which i REALLY never thought to do. generally just going against my comfort zone and being brave has, so far, really paid off. i dont know what my future holds, but im excited and thankful you guys lit a fire up my butt! 

[Erasmeus71]

I don't know Gigi. Unless your send post cards back and forth. Slowmali letters. I myself with my epilepsy. I would have to rely on uber or someone else. So the LDR for me would not work unless you are pen pals.

[blingsing]

I think there is a big difference between online and LDR. I have an LDR. We meet every few weeks. But we do see each other. We do have physical contact and cuddles and sex and dates, just squashed into a couple of days, every few weeks. 

We keep our relationship going with LDR communications but it is not solely an online thing.

I had a previous partner and it became apparent that the distance wasn't why we weren't meeting. He didn't want this in real life. It was on online fantasy. 

I'm happy to have an LDR but not an online one.

 

[LilDemonBaby]

oh, yeah. mines not online anymore. we dont use the enternet to communicate anymore. we mostly text and are talking about seeing each other in person soon. we both figured since we hit it off we dont really need a dating site😆 

[CB48]

I’m sure some people make it work but long distance is horrible..

and for the record you hit the nail on the head , him rushing and only interested sexually shows a lack of maturity for sure..

good luck. Just say no to long distance, unless the plan is to come together eventually of course. 

[DDCool]

Interesting chat on this. Think it just shows what can work or not ☹️ for everyone. 

The majority issue for me is trust. You need to be able to fully. Trust in each other and a relationship can work and be good for both. It isn't easy and as has been said takes a lot of work and effort, but the same is required for any relationship to work. Without trust and effort it is not ever going to be up to much. I have had a successful and enjoyable life and would definitely try again, wouldn't want anyone to think it can't work but again it is always up to the individual x

[DDCool]

Oops, I typed this when I was out in driving wind with a touch of rain, couple of typos, meant to say I have had a successful and enjoyable ldr 🤦

Life's not been too shabby either just to add, usual ups and downs 😁