Daddy Dom and Little - more than it seems

[PRMari]

Hi everyone :

Happy Fall! I hope everyone is well. 

I had a hard time titling this post and judt threw it out here. I've been noticing something lately that I'd like some feedback on.

Are most Daddies understanding that having a relationship with a Little is more than control in the bedroom, assigning a bedtime or choosing an outfit? 

I have had some inquiries lately, seemingly nice men, who, for one reason or another, focus on "sexual" domination and not even addressing the "Little" part of it..... Or

Believe that Daddying will just come naturally as a logical progression of the relationship. Am I wrong in thinking that if say you're a Daddy, shouldn't you have some knowledge about caring for a Little?  Or at least information about what it means to be a Daddy to a Little? 

I may be wrong here, but if you are focusing on the sexual domination part, isn't that more of a sub/slave and Dominant thing? 

I mean a Little can have a sexual side that she can share with her Daddy, but what if she wants to be in little space sometimes and he has no clue of what that is, or the responsibilities associated with it. 

Just some thoughts. Comments are most welcome. 

Blessings and blessings 

Mari

[pawpaw]

Everyone is different.  Everyone has different amounts of experience, but you are not wrong.

I'm sure there are probably even some who are strictly BDSM who jump into DD/lg to expand their hunting grounds so to speak...

[Alisolte]

I'm kinda crabby today, so I won't share my actual thoughts because they are a bit sassy. 🙃

I think people do the best with what they know, though. So maybe a lot of them don't understand due to a lack of education. My question is, how does one become a good Daddy? Do they define it for themselves? Is there some sort of baseline of behavior that is generally accepted? Are they just making it up, off the cuff? 

All I know is I wanna be treated like the sweet little angel I am, but even I don't really understand what that looks like, behaviorally. I think maybe it's more about the feeling that becomes inspired by the other's action, and each person is going to respond to different things. I don't know if that makes sense? Like there is no one size fits all.

I can't help thinking that there ARE general themes that a lot of us littles are looking for, though. Genuine love and appreciation being the foundation. Not sex. Sex is easy, honestly. There's so much more to it than that. In my head, I guess. 

[Vampiress]

For some this is just a bedroom role play kink, and that seems to be especially true for a lot of Daddies.

[AspiringDaddy]

From the perspective of a Daddy, I'd say daddy is what remains when one has removed all the sexual, kinky, domineering stuff...

Since a relationship should first start without all of this (IMO), you should be aware of his daddiness, or absence thereof, pretty early on.

 

7 hours ago, Alisolte said:

I think people do the best with what they know, though. So maybe a lot of them don't understand due to a lack of education. My question is, how does one become a good Daddy? Do they define it for themselves? Is there some sort of baseline of behavior that is generally accepted? Are they just making it up, off the cuff? 

Making it up, driving by the seats of their pants.

 

7 hours ago, Alisolte said:

All I know is I wanna be treated like the sweet little angel I am, but even I don't really understand what that looks like, behaviorally. I think maybe it's more about the feeling that becomes inspired by the other's action, and each person is going to respond to different things. I don't know if that makes sense?

@Alisolte, this totally makes sense and describes the dynamic well. Like the daddy should be able to feel how the little wants or needs to be treated and act accordingly.

 

[Princess_Dee]

I think what's really important is the desire of a Daddy to take care of his little. But, not every little is the same and no matter how often I think he is, turns out daddies aren't mindreading wizards after all.

So it's important to have conversations about what you need in that dynamic. Or try to find out together if you don't know it yet. Oh and try to talk to your daddy about what he needs as well! Often we fall into the trap of only thinking about what makes us happy as a little but it's also really important to talk about what your daddy needs to feel appreciated and loved both in and out of the dynamic.

[Josey Wales]

I’m of the mindset that once a connection takes place a natural profession of getting to know one another must occur, online , phone calls , an actual date . Only then can both parties come to an understanding otherwise if it’s only online it’s all fantasy! Like the poet said “ the living is easy , the living is hard “ . It’s important to be inquisitive, ask question and more questions , patience is the key to being a Daddy . Both parties must be explorers , especially the Daddy otherwise he will never get to see her in little space. Isn’t that what it’s all about   Anyone can be dominant in bed . Not everyone can be a Daddy. That’s my 2 cents ! Enjoy your day ! 

[Josey Wales]

I should proof read before I hit send 😂. “ The loving is easy , it’s the living that’s hard “ and it’s not profession , it’s progression. Oops sorry ! That’s all folks 😎

[PRMari]

11 hours ago, Josey Wales said:

I’m of the mindset that once a connection takes place a natural profession of getting to know one another must occur, online , phone calls , an actual date . Only then can both parties come to an understanding otherwise if it’s only online it’s all fantasy! Like the poet said “ the living is easy , the living is hard “ . It’s important to be inquisitive, ask question and more questions , patience is the key to being a Daddy . Both parties must be explorers , especially the Daddy otherwise he will never get to see her in little space. Isn’t that what it’s all about   Anyone can be dominant in bed . Not everyone can be a Daddy. That’s my 2 cents ! Enjoy your day ! 

Yep, my thoughts exactly. But what I'm seeing is this trend of jumping to the sexual, the control and as much as I say it, the subject of my Little is just cast aside. That tells me a lot and I don't want to venture down that road. 

There are few that I feel understand what it means, but I'm hoping that this place, that means so much to me, doesn't turn into just fodder for any man that wants to get his kicks sexually and ignore the rest. I mean, if that what is good for him, so be it, but be clear. If a man feels he has Daddy tendencies but is not sure, say it, if a man wants to be a master to a slave, say it. I just don't think it's right to "expand the hunting ground" at the expense of others. Ugh. 

[PRMari]

14 hours ago, AspiringDaddy said:

From the perspective of a Daddy, I'd say daddy is what remains when one has removed all the sexual, kinky, domineering stuff...

Since a relationship should first start without all of this (IMO), you should be aware of his daddiness, or absence thereof, pretty early on.

 

Making it up, driving by the seats of their pants.

 

@Alisolte, this totally makes sense and describes the dynamic well. Like the daddy should be able to feel how the little wants or needs to be treated and act accordingly.

 

Wowza  Aspiring Daddy. Well said. And I love how you describe your perspective. It's just that... What remains absent the sex, kink and dominance.

B & B

Mari 

[Rob]

 

I agree with a lot of the above, there are some well thought out comments. From my point of view, what I personally want is to build a closeness with a little, absolutely nothing to do with sex. But i think there are guys out there who perhaps give themselves the daddy label because they dont understand what it means. They hear the phrase "daddy dom" and see it as daddy=dom, therefore dom=daddy (not sure if that makes sense, sorry!) But a daddy isn't another term for just a dom. And even if you wish to create a dom/sub relationship outside of all of this little stuff, *getting to know the other person properly first is still essential*. If you jump straight in to wanting to explore sexual stuff without properly getting to know somebody first, that is (in my opinion) harassment. 

It's not really sexual for me though (probably very rare coming from a daddy-type!), and honestly I'm more looking for a partner in crime than a slave. I'm very sorry that there are men out there who seem to be... how do I word this... overly eager to concentrate on the sexual and domination side and very little else, without even attempting to get to know the other person properly first. I have had it from the other side, too - I have had people pounce on me and want to immediately get in to kinky stuff, who then got frustrated when I said I wanted to get to know them first. It is not only frustrating to be on the receiving end of that, but also a little soul destroying because often it is these people that shout the loudest and because of that, it feels like they are perhaps in the majority and makes you feel like there is little hope of finding somebody on your wavelength. All I can say is not everybody is like that. Everybody has their likes, dislikes, preferences.

For me, the way i want to develop a relationship with somebody would be like:

1. Get to know them and let them get to know me. Talk about hobbies and interests. See if we can tolerate each other.

2. Become friends, learn about each other a bit more intimately, our histories, how we think, outlooks on life.

3. If all goes well with the above two and the feelings are mutual, maybe we can become partners and explore little stuff together based on our own likes and wants. Otherwise we can stay at stage 2 and just remain friends, which is still awesome. Better to find out we aren't compatible at stage 1 or 2, than later at stage 3 or 4 when feelings are more likely to get hurt

4. If/when we are both comfortable, we can explore sexual stuff * if and when* we are sure we are both ready and we have an established relationship, both within *and outside of* this lifestyle.

I think there are people on both sides (littles and bigs) who are a bit eager to rush things or just want instant gratification without putting the work into any kind of relationship first. If you met somebody in real life, you wouldn't immediately jump into something with them, you'd take time to get to know them first. Meeting people online should be the same. Make sure you're on the same wavelength for both of your wants, likes, dislikes and make sure you proceed at a comfortable pace *for both of you*. Nobody should feel rushed. If you feel rushed or not listened to or being pushed in to things you don't want, that should trigger warnings. Which hopefully can trigger a discussion of "maybe I'm not what you're looking for". It would be helpful if everybody was honest and upfront from the start with what they want.  But I think perhaps some people just aren't aware that 'this' kind of relationship isn't just about some kind of kink to get off on, but for many of us it is about building something more intimate. Silly as this may sound, I hope places like this can help to educate people.

[PRMari]

On 10/4/2023 at 5:37 AM, Rob said:

 

I agree with a lot of the above, there are some well thought out comments. From my point of view, what I personally want is to build a closeness with a little, absolutely nothing to do with sex. But i think there are guys out there who perhaps give themselves the daddy label because they dont understand what it means. They hear the phrase "daddy dom" and see it as daddy=dom, therefore dom=daddy (not sure if that makes sense, sorry!) But a daddy isn't another term for just a dom. And even if you wish to create a dom/sub relationship outside of all of this little stuff, *getting to know the other person properly first is still essential*. If you jump straight in to wanting to explore sexual stuff without properly getting to know somebody first, that is (in my opinion) harassment. 

It's not really sexual for me though (probably very rare coming from a daddy-type!), and honestly I'm more looking for a partner in crime than a slave. I'm very sorry that there are men out there who seem to be... how do I word this... overly eager to concentrate on the sexual and domination side and very little else, without even attempting to get to know the other person properly first. I have had it from the other side, too - I have had people pounce on me and want to immediately get in to kinky stuff, who then got frustrated when I said I wanted to get to know them first. It is not only frustrating to be on the receiving end of that, but also a little soul destroying because often it is these people that shout the loudest and because of that, it feels like they are perhaps in the majority and makes you feel like there is little hope of finding somebody on your wavelength. All I can say is not everybody is like that. Everybody has their likes, dislikes, preferences.

For me, the way i want to develop a relationship with somebody would be like:

1. Get to know them and let them get to know me. Talk about hobbies and interests. See if we can tolerate each other.

2. Become friends, learn about each other a bit more intimately, our histories, how we think, outlooks on life.

3. If all goes well with the above two and the feelings are mutual, maybe we can become partners and explore little stuff together based on our own likes and wants. Otherwise we can stay at stage 2 and just remain friends, which is still awesome. Better to find out we aren't compatible at stage 1 or 2, than later at stage 3 or 4 when feelings are more likely to get hurt

4. If/when we are both comfortable, we can explore sexual stuff * if and when* we are sure we are both ready and we have an established relationship, both within *and outside of* this lifestyle.

I think there are people on both sides (littles and bigs) who are a bit eager to rush things or just want instant gratification without putting the work into any kind of relationship first. If you met somebody in real life, you wouldn't immediately jump into something with them, you'd take time to get to know them first. Meeting people online should be the same. Make sure you're on the same wavelength for both of your wants, likes, dislikes and make sure you proceed at a comfortable pace *for both of you*. Nobody should feel rushed. If you feel rushed or not listened to or being pushed in to things you don't want, that should trigger warnings. Which hopefully can trigger a discussion of "maybe I'm not what you're looking for". It would be helpful if everybody was honest and upfront from the start with what they want.  But I think perhaps some people just aren't aware that 'this' kind of relationship isn't just about some kind of kink to get off on, but for many of us it is about building something more intimate. Silly as this may sound, I hope places like this can help to educate people.

Wow, you articulated my thoughts precisely. 

I want/need to slow the pace. I have to protect myself so I'm sure it's right. 

[Carlos]

I'm really new to Ddlg.  This forum has helped me understand the little side of things.  It would have taken me a long time to figure it out on my own.  I would have thought about little roleplay as a form of foreplay.  

 

This forum has helped me understand a lot.  I take my little to the bookstore and let her pick out Dr Seuss books.  I read them to her when she needs little cuddles.  This weekend we are going to the zoo.  Sometimes we watch cartoons.  Sometimes we color.  Coloring always leads to her messing up my picture and she has to get "punished".  She always smiles when she is being spanked.  It took me a bit to get over spanking her. It didn't feel right at first. We both like it now....

[Middlespace Brat]

This is my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt

I totally understand your frustration with certain daddy doms. Some focus more on the dom part than the daddy, and that can be hurtful to us littles. We're sensitive! 

I think the other people commenting are also right, not everyone's expectations of the community and the lifestyle match up!

I think, and this is me speculating, that it boils down to how people view DDLG as it applies to their life. Is it a LIFESTYLE they live daily? Is it a ROLE they assume for sexy times? Is it an ASPECT of who they are? Everyone will answer differently! 

 

[Boomer]

On 10/9/2023 at 7:05 PM, Princette Bambi said:

Is it a LIFESTYLE they live daily? Is it a ROLE they assume for sexy times? Is it an ASPECT of who they are? Everyone will answer differently! 

 

Excellent questions.  Over the years, many Littles on this forum have complained that Daddies on the internet are only interested in sexy times, whereas most Littles are attracted to this forum because it is an aspect of who they are.  Unfortunate that this disconnect exists but it is a reality of life on the internet.

To answer the original question, it might be a good idea to be clear that you are looking for a caretaker dom.  I think I've seen Daddy Applications on here that ask a series of questions about relationship wants and needs.  It's not a bad idea to make sure you are on the same page from the beginning.  

[Kittyara207]

The biggest and best answer to me is communication, time, understanding and patience.  I am learning all this and its hard to not want it all overnight.   Some people are amazing at showing you the way it should be and can be.  A true Daddy to me is all of this and more or are willing to try to be. Willing to be there for more than just the sexytime/talk.  And CG's should be able expect the same from Littles/middles etc.  The lifestyle is more than just the CG making things perfect for us sometimes they also need support too correct me if I am wrong.  No one is perfect except my dog and even he can be a jerk,

And you should never feel pressured to do something that makes you uncomfortable.  Staying when you are not happy or someone makes you question your value is not worth your time or stress.  Promises are easy for some to make and easier to break.  A person worth your time will take the time and not just jump into that.  

Like the promise is good and seems great on the outside but where the contents are listed are even more important.  Batteries not included, may contain or does not contain...

Here's to hoping everyone finds their happy

 

 

[littlespace_cadet]

This is a really interesting discussion, and I think an important one. I see a lot of heartbreak on the forum, so there are definitely misunderstandings between couples.

I think the most important thing is always communication at every stage. Communicate your expectations, your desires, your hard limits. And communicate more, especially if you feel you aren't getting fulfilled. 

Not everyone wants a 24/7 relationship. Not every caregiver is a mind reader, and not every little wants to be taken care of all the time. Some people want something more sexual, others want something that isn't sexual at all. Make sure you know what you want before you jump in, and don't be afraid to speak up when things aren't working out. 

[chris23102310]

So very interesting discussion.

For me I was a Dom long before being a Daddy. For me the Main difference is the caring aspect of my daddy side. This side has nothing to do with being Sexual.

For me the most important point is communication within the relationship and how to define all the different aspects of the relationship and what both partners want and need and in what kind.