what needs does your little girl or daddy fulfill?

[LittleDutchPrincess]

As I described earlier on the welcome page, I am fairly new to the world of littles and daddies. I have a Daddy for 3.5 months now, with whom I am very happy, but we are still trying to figure out how to deal with this. We met on Fetlife and he introduced himself as DaddyDom, while I had no idea what that meant and whether it suited me.

Very quickly we formed a DDlg relationship that is very intensive. Although we don't do much with ageplay (I don't use diapers or pacifiers), I am really his little girl and he is my Daddy. Or, that is how it feels for us. We speak to each other several times a day via WhatsApp (including good morning and good evening messages) and see each other every week. I also make paintings and drawings for him and he takes care of me physically and mentally.
 

In recent weeks we often have deeper conversations about personal topics, mainly because we are working on our relationship and want to understand each other better. During the last conversation he asked me what needs he could fulfill in my life. I asked him the same thing. Because we found each other on Fetlife, the sexual (BDSM) aspect was what started our relationship. That was the approach. He was single and I was - and still am - in a open marriage  (I've had poly relationships and FWB in the past and now have a daddy, so I have few rules in that area).

We both agree that we would like to be together to experiment in the sexual area. But we have warm feelings for each other and our DDlg dynamic ensures that we are not just friends with benefits. It is more and goes deeper.
 

Now, back to the question, I'm very curious about how things are going for you. What needs does your little or daddy fulfill in your life? Have you ever expressed those needs in this way and how do you see the relationship? I know that many live together or live as a classic couple. But if that is not the case, how do you shape this? I am very curious.

[littlespace_cadet]

my Daddy and i are long distance, so it's a bit different situation. 

we chat through messages multiple times throughout the day, and have voice and video calls two or three times a week, more or less, depending on availability and stuff. important aspects are: good morning and goodnight chats! he also asks me what my tasks are for the day, then checks up on me later to make sure i did them. it makes me more motivated to get stuff done knowing i have someone checking in and telling me i did a good job! i'll also send him pictures of my coloring pages, toys, myself, etc. to cheer him up. and we talk about regular things too, sometimes.

important things to consider with long distance relationships - you have to be patient, open, and very honest. and there has to be a lot of trust, which can only really be built over time. 

the main thing he fulfills for me is the feeling of acceptance and validation. i can be little and cute and goofy with him, and he not only accepts it but enjoys it. i also have someone cheering me on and helping me become my best self. even if we never get a chance to live together or even see each other in real life, he makes me feel so happy and valid. 

[LittleDutchPrincess]

45 minutes ago, littlespace_cadet said:

my Daddy and i are long distance, so it's a bit different situation. 

we chat through messages multiple times throughout the day, and have voice and video calls two or three times a week, more or less, depending on availability and stuff. important aspects are: good morning and goodnight chats! he also asks me what my tasks are for the day, then checks up on me later to make sure i did them. it makes me more motivated to get stuff done knowing i have someone checking in and telling me i did a good job! i'll also send him pictures of my coloring pages, toys, myself, etc. to cheer him up. and we talk about regular things too, sometimes.

important things to consider with long distance relationships - you have to be patient, open, and very honest. and there has to be a lot of trust, which can only really be built over time. 

the main thing he fulfills for me is the feeling of acceptance and validation. i can be little and cute and goofy with him, and he not only accepts it but enjoys it. i also have someone cheering me on and helping me become my best self. even if we never get a chance to live together or even see each other in real life, he makes me feel so happy and valid. 

I think this is a important thing: the way someone makes you feel. That was also the thing that I mentioned to my daddy. He makes me happy. Above everything, that is what connections are all about. 

[Little kaiya]

It isn't about a "need" per se for me. Is it something I want, absolutely, is it something I need, no. For me my Dadsy brings a warm, caring space where for a short while I can just relax from the pressures of work and the volunteer work I do. I work in a high stress space so having that time is very important.

[blingsing]

For me it is definitely a need. Until this relationship I can honestly say that I wasn't fulfilled. Like you we met on fetlife. And it is just one aspect of our relationship. But it is becoming the most prevalent. He has a deep need to take care of someone and this space we go to allows me to be vulnerable in a way I never have before knowing that he will take care of me. Does that help?

[LittleDutchPrincess]

Here's an update on the question Daddy asked me.
 

I noticed this past week that he was very cold towards me. He was also like that the last time I saw him. I felt awful and asked what was wrong. He said the emotions were too much for him and he wanted distance.
 

The situation made me feel sick. We ended up talking via FaceTime for over an hour and a half yesterday. He told me that he cannot deal with emotions and then shuts himself down. He is in therapy to work on himself, but indicated that he is now unable to talk about feelings. I said that the cold approach made me feel unhappy and I need trust as his little girl. Then he proposed to put DDlg aside and continue as a kind of FWB.
 

My heart broke. I finally found a Daddy that makes me happy and now he doesn't want to be my Daddy anymore. Or, like my husband told me, he is not able to be a Daddy. I think that’s true. I said to Daddy that superficial sex takes the fun out of it for me. IMO , DDlg is not the problem, but the fact that he has difficulty dealing with emotions and I actually like to be close to him (physically and mentally).
 

We have now agreed not to talk about deep emotions anymore and not to send standard good morning and good evening texts. That gave him an oppressive feeling. While he was the one who wanted that in the beginning. He now wanted to send “go with the flow” texts instead of at mandatory moments. I agreed but told him not to treat me so coldly anymore. I was devastated and although I am calmer now it still feels like I was hit hard. This morning he send me a gif to wish me a good week. I sensed back that I wished the same for him but it felt empty. 

Edited December 11, 2023 by LittleDutchPrincess

[LittleDutchPrincess]

46 minutes ago, blingsing said:

For me it is definitely a need. Until this relationship I can honestly say that I wasn't fulfilled. Like you we met on fetlife. And it is just one aspect of our relationship. But it is becoming the most prevalent. He has a deep need to take care of someone and this space we go to allows me to be vulnerable in a way I never have before knowing that he will take care of me. Does that help?

That sounds so good. Do you also live together? And do you combine the bdsm part within DDlg?

[blingsing]

No. We don't live together. We are only a couple of months in.

[Cebakes]

19 hours ago, LittleDutchPrincess said:

Here's an update on the question Daddy asked me.
 

I noticed this past week that he was very cold towards me. He was also like that the last time I saw him. I felt awful and asked what was wrong. He said the emotions were too much for him and he wanted distance.
 

The situation made me feel sick. We ended up talking via FaceTime for over an hour and a half yesterday. He told me that he cannot deal with emotions and then shuts himself down. He is in therapy to work on himself, but indicated that he is now unable to talk about feelings. I said that the cold approach made me feel unhappy and I need trust as his little girl. Then he proposed to put DDlg aside and continue as a kind of FWB.
 

My heart broke. I finally found a Daddy that makes me happy and now he doesn't want to be my Daddy anymore. Or, like my husband told me, he is not able to be a Daddy. I think that’s true. I said to Daddy that superficial sex takes the fun out of it for me. IMO , DDlg is not the problem, but the fact that he has difficulty dealing with emotions and I actually like to be close to him (physically and mentally).
 

We have now agreed not to talk about deep emotions anymore and not to send standard good morning and good evening texts. That gave him an oppressive feeling. While he was the one who wanted that in the beginning. He now wanted to send “go with the flow” texts instead of at mandatory moments. I agreed but told him not to treat me so coldly anymore. I was devastated and although I am calmer now it still feels like I was hit hard. This morning he send me a gif to wish me a good week. I sensed back that I wished the same for him but it felt empty. 

Can I ask if your daddy has had past DDLG relationships? If so, how did they go?  Being able to discuss emotions is a big part of any relationship, especially a DDLG relationship. 

[Littlebabyxo]

My daddy fulfilled something that I must have needed deep down and never knew. 
I didn’t have the best upbringing and as a child I never felt “child like” as I had to grow up and be alert. 
I’ve always tried to do some type of counselling for anxiety etc, but it never worked for me.
Now I have my daddy he brings a calmness to my life, albeit I also have days where I am extremely on edge and scared that I am going to lose him. 
I always knew I acted childlike compared to everyone around me and finding out about Ddlg really slotted that one piece into place. 
He makes me feel so loved and I can be myself around him, the connection is like nothing I’ve had before. ❤️

[LittleDutchPrincess]

1 hour ago, Cebakes said:

Can I ask if your daddy has had past DDLG relationships? If so, how did they go?  Being able to discuss emotions is a big part of any relationship, especially a DDLG relationship. 

No, he has no experience with it. He has had 'normal' relationships before, but emotions were always a problem. Because he can't deal with it or talk about it. That was always the reason it passed. Either his girlfriend or himself didn't care. He said he has been fascinated by the DDlg concept for years, partly because he has many typical Daddy characteristics. He is very caring, attentive and enjoys spoiling me. He is also good at aftercare after BDSM, honest, a good listener and usually quite stable. Those qualities really appeal to me. But it's clearly all hitting too close to home for him now in terms of feelings.

The difficult thing is that he still keeps asking how he can help me when I'm having problems. I often know how he can help me, even if it has nothing to do with him or our relationship. But I won't say it because I don't want to put pressure on him. I find that difficult, but maybe this is something temporary and he is not feeling well.

What are your thoughts on this?

[LittleDutchPrincess]

10 minutes ago, Littlefairie said:

My daddy fulfilled something that I must have needed deep down and never knew. 
I didn’t have the best upbringing and as a child I never felt “child like” as I had to grow up and be alert. 
I’ve always tried to do some type of counselling for anxiety etc, but it never worked for me.
Now I have my daddy he brings a calmness to my life, albeit I also have days where I am extremely on edge and scared that I am going to lose him. 
I always knew I acted childlike compared to everyone around me and finding out about Ddlg really slotted that one piece into place. 
He makes me feel so loved and I can be myself around him, the connection is like nothing I’ve had before. ❤️

That is so beautiful to read and partly recognizable. A Daddy in your life can bring so much peace and balance. I have noticed that too over the past 3.5 months. For the first time in my life it just makes sense. Although I have been with my husband for almost 20 years, a Daddy is more than just a boyfriend. It's something bigger that makes life complete for me.

[Cebakes]

18 minutes ago, LittleDutchPrincess said:

No, he has no experience with it. He has had 'normal' relationships before, but emotions were always a problem. Because he can't deal with it or talk about it. That was always the reason it passed. Either his girlfriend or himself didn't care. He said he has been fascinated by the DDlg concept for years, partly because he has many typical Daddy characteristics. He is very caring, attentive and enjoys spoiling me. He is also good at aftercare after BDSM, honest, a good listener and usually quite stable. Those qualities really appeal to me. But it's clearly all hitting too close to home for him now in terms of feelings.

The difficult thing is that he still keeps asking how he can help me when I'm having problems. I often know how he can help me, even if it has nothing to do with him or our relationship. But I won't say it because I don't want to put pressure on him. I find that difficult, but maybe this is something temporary and he is not feeling well.

What are your thoughts on this?

His inability to discuss emotions and feelings is concerning.   You are mature and bright enough to see that for yourself.  It sounds like he does have some great qualities, but the inability to open up and discuss his emotions and feelings, as well as yours,  is a problem and probably not going to get better.   Being able to discuss emotions and feelings are a cornerstone of most relationships.    
 

Every relationship is different, depending on the needs and desires of those involved.  It sounds like you crave something he may not be able to provide.  Your husband is right, maybe he can’t be a daddy?   Has he ever gotten counseling to help him open up and deal with emotions? 

[LittleDutchPrincess]

16 minutes ago, Cebakes said:

His inability to discuss emotions and feelings is concerning.   You are mature and bright enough to see that for yourself.  It sounds like he does have some great qualities, but the inability to open up and discuss his emotions and feelings, as well as yours,  is a problem and probably not going to get better.   Being able to discuss emotions and feelings are a cornerstone of most relationships.    
 

Every relationship is different, depending on the needs and desires of those involved.  It sounds like you crave something he may not be able to provide.  Your husband is right, maybe he can’t be a daddy?   Has he ever gotten counseling to help him open up and deal with emotions? 

He has been undergoing therapy during the pandemic and has now started therapy specifically aimed at relationships and sexuality. Besides me, he has many casual sexual contacts, goes to sex parties and also has various FWB. Since I am married myself, I am the last person who should have any opinion about that. But I did tell him that I think he is sex addicted. He doubts it, but doesn't rule it out. In the beginning I sometimes felt a little bit of jealousy and I also thought it was a bit dirty, everything he did. But now that I know him better, I find it rather sad.

I've read that people with an avoidant attachment style often escape into sex without relationships. This way they can have contacts without feeling emotions. The funny thing is that he is very sweet when we are intimate. He has also said that as a little girl I have a special role in his life. I'm the only one he sees every week and for whom he does so much. When I once put on his bathrobe and told him it was a bit small, he immediately ordered a new one that was bigger. When I told him I didn't like his mattress, he had a new mattress within a week. He now also has a larger mirror and a coffee machine, all because I mentioned it. I never tell him to buy something, but he takes action immediately when I mention something. He also buys fresh flowers every week so that his house looks cozy when I visit. And I often get chocolate home when he takes me home, or another small gift such as a cuddly toy, special tea or lipstick. I think that's his love language: taking action, not talking about deep feelings.

[Cebakes]

22 minutes ago, LittleDutchPrincess said:

He has been undergoing therapy during the pandemic and has now started therapy specifically aimed at relationships and sexuality. Besides me, he has many casual sexual contacts, goes to sex parties and also has various FWB. Since I am married myself, I am the last person who should have any opinion about that. But I did tell him that I think he is sex addicted. He doubts it, but doesn't rule it out. In the beginning I sometimes felt a little bit of jealousy and I also thought it was a bit dirty, everything he did. But now that I know him better, I find it rather sad.

I've read that people with an avoidant attachment style often escape into sex without relationships. This way they can have contacts without feeling emotions. The funny thing is that he is very sweet when we are intimate. He has also said that as a little girl I have a special role in his life. I'm the only one he sees every week and for whom he does so much. When I once put on his bathrobe and told him it was a bit small, he immediately ordered a new one that was bigger. When I told him I didn't like his mattress, he had a new mattress within a week. He now also has a larger mirror and a coffee machine, all because I mentioned it. I never tell him to buy something, but he takes action immediately when I mention something. He also buys fresh flowers every week so that his house looks cozy when I visit. And I often get chocolate home when he takes me home, or another small gift such as a cuddly toy, special tea or lipstick. I think that's his love language: taking action, not talking about deep feelings.

My last middle is a sex addict. I will share some limited experiences or thoughts, but it is kind of private and personal.    At first, we joked that she might be a sex addict,  but over the course of knowing her over four years, it’s clear she had an issue with sex.  It was especially clear during our break ups. 
 

if you Google sex addiction tests there are a good half dozen 10 question tests that show if you have a problem with sex.   These are obviously not as accurate as sitting down with a psychiatrist or counselor, but if you check five or six of the boxes, you have a sex problem.   I did try to counsel her on this over the years.

One step of her getting things under control was walking away from DDLG.  We always talked about her meeting someone closer to her age and getting married.  Unfortunately, she could never view guys close to her age as a daddy.    She has met someone and is in love, and hopefully she can be happy  and keep her desires under control.  It is sad, she loved having a daddy…..

Sex addiction is very real and destructive.  

 

 

[LittleDutchPrincess]

51 minutes ago, Cebakes said:

My last middle is a sex addict. I will share some limited experiences or thoughts, but it is kind of private and personal.    At first, we joked that she might be a sex addict,  but over the course of knowing her over four years, it’s clear she had an issue with sex.  It was especially clear during our break ups. 
 

if you Google sex addiction tests there are a good half dozen 10 question tests that show if you have a problem with sex.   These are obviously not as accurate as sitting down with a psychiatrist or counselor, but if you check five or six of the boxes, you have a sex problem.   I did try to counsel her on this over the years.

One step of her getting things under control was walking away from DDLG.  We always talked about her meeting someone closer to her age and getting married.  Unfortunately, she could never view guys close to her age as a daddy.    She has met someone and is in love, and hopefully she can be happy  and keep her desires under control.  It is sad, she loved having a daddy…..

Sex addiction is very real and destructive.  

 

 

I can imagine that it can certainly be a problem with a little/middle. Addiction is never very healthy. But I wouldn't be surprised if my Daddy is addicted to sex, he's been addicted to weed and porn before.

I know he would like to have a stable, classic relationship someday. He is aware that therapy is therefore necessary. Although I believe in therapy and working on yourself, I wonder if he can ever really deal with emotions in a healthy way.

At the moment I'm trying to focus mainly on myself. It is annoying that I no longer have the routine of good morning and sleep well messages. And that I constantly have in the back of my mind that I have to restrain myself and be careful about being affectionate. I really like the routines and affection.

On the other hand, I can imagine that being a Daddy can also be tiring. Because it always gives a pressure of responsibility. How do you experience that? Do you have limits in this regard?

[Cebakes]

30 minutes ago, LittleDutchPrincess said:

I can imagine that it can certainly be a problem with a little/middle. Addiction is never very healthy. But I wouldn't be surprised if my Daddy is addicted to sex, he's been addicted to weed and porn before.

I know he would like to have a stable, classic relationship someday. He is aware that therapy is therefore necessary. Although I believe in therapy and working on yourself, I wonder if he can ever really deal with emotions in a healthy way.

At the moment I'm trying to focus mainly on myself. It is annoying that I no longer have the routine of good morning and sleep well messages. And that I constantly have in the back of my mind that I have to restrain myself and be careful about being affectionate. I really like the routines and affection.

On the other hand, I can imagine that being a Daddy can also be tiring. Because it always gives a pressure of responsibility. How do you experience that? Do you have limits in this regard?

Everyone is different, so I don’t want to speak for other daddies.  Over the past year, I’ve really tried to figure out why I love being a daddy so much.   I’ve dated both vanilla and kinky women over the past year, but have not found anyone into DDLG and find myself wanting a DDLG relationship

I’m a natural caregiver and deep down maybe I miss having someone to take care of. I’ve been a single parent since about 2000 and have raised my four kids on my own since then. They are all over age 30 now, but my daughter was only 7 and her brothers 2-5 years older than her in 2000.   Between work, and raising my kids, I did have my hands full and never would have been able to be a daddy then.    
 

I retired early, and I’m blessed to have a pretty amazing life.  My kids are all doing well, my daughter actually had a baby last week so I have another grandson, my parents are 97 and 94 and live nearby so I get to see them frequently.  

I think I miss being a caregiver and DDLG is a way for me to do something I’m pretty good at, and it fits nicely into a kink-lifestyle for me.  After what I’ve been through, raising my kids on my own, there’s not much a little or middle can throw at me that I can’t handle.

 That’s probably why I’m also a good brat tamer… As far as limits, I’ve never had to establish anything.  Things always just tended to evolve. You don’t walk away from things with your kids, you just deal with them, same with a little or middle.

[blingsing]

3 hours ago, Littlefairie said:

My daddy fulfilled something that I must have needed deep down and never knew. 
I didn’t have the best upbringing and as a child I never felt “child like” as I had to grow up and be alert. 
I’ve always tried to do some type of counselling for anxiety etc, but it never worked for me.
Now I have my daddy he brings a calmness to my life, albeit I also have days where I am extremely on edge and scared that I am going to lose him. 
I always knew I acted childlike compared to everyone around me and finding out about Ddlg really slotted that one piece into place. 
He makes me feel so loved and I can be myself around him, the connection is like nothing I’ve had before. ❤️

Exactly this. Well said.

[blingsing]

On 12/11/2023 at 2:07 PM, LittleDutchPrincess said:

That sounds so good. Do you also live together? And do you combine the bdsm part within DDlg?

Yes, we do both. Different dynamics for different moods.

[LittleDutchPrincess]

4 hours ago, Cebakes said:

Everyone is different, so I don’t want to speak for other daddies.  Over the past year, I’ve really tried to figure out why I love being a daddy so much.   I’ve dated both vanilla and kinky women over the past year, but have not found anyone into DDLG and find myself wanting a DDLG relationship

I’m a natural caregiver and deep down maybe I miss having someone to take care of. I’ve been a single parent since about 2000 and have raised my four kids on my own since then. They are all over age 30 now, but my daughter was only 7 and her brothers 2-5 years older than her in 2000.   Between work, and raising my kids, I did have my hands full and never would have been able to be a daddy then.    
 

I retired early, and I’m blessed to have a pretty amazing life.  My kids are all doing well, my daughter actually had a baby last week so I have another grandson, my parents are 97 and 94 and live nearby so I get to see them frequently.  

I think I miss being a caregiver and DDLG is a way for me to do something I’m pretty good at, and it fits nicely into a kink-lifestyle for me.  After what I’ve been through, raising my kids on my own, there’s not much a little or middle can throw at me that I can’t handle.

 That’s probably why I’m also a good brat tamer… As far as limits, I’ve never had to establish anything.  Things always just tended to evolve. You don’t walk away from things with your kids, you just deal with them, same with a little or middle.

Thank you for your openness. And that last sentence, very beautifully worded.

Nowadays people are quickly inclined to stop doing something when things get difficult. Especially since dating apps, I have the feeling that people are more often used as disposable products. That's partly why I always date older men. They have been through more, so I can learn from them, they are often calmer and they are used to something. When they have children, the above is further reinforced. I find that very attractive.

My Daddy is older, has had therapy (and now again) and has traveled a lot. But has never been married and has no children. I do notice that. I don't have any children myself, but I have been in a relationship of almost 20 years. Then you also know what it's like to solve problems together.

Daddy said in the last conversation that I was the first one he didn't walk away from and I didn't walk away from him either. That always happened to him in situations like this. I told him that it is easy to have sex with someone, but you don't have a connection with everyone, especially when it comes to something as specific as kink. Giving up is just a shame if you normally have a good connection.